Page 4 | To think working is impossible as a single parent

Okwhatn0w · 2025-02-08T20:42:38+00:00

Currently a stay at home single mother have been for the past 6 years, dc is 8 years old. I worked 40 hours a week before becoming a lone parent and earned nearly half the amount I currently get on UC, I know if I return to work that i will be much worse off but not having anything else bar my dc to keep me entertained is quite literally driving me insane. Any advice? I wouldn’t even know where to start.

Mumto42005 · 09/02/2025 00:05

PheasantPluckers · 08/02/2025 21:06

Its not impossible at all. It's hard work and difficult. Childcare swallows up a lot of your wages but that won't be forever. It probably helps to have a job that is sufficent in supporting you before having the child, but isn't there to top up the shortfall?

With your child being 8, there's absolutely no reason why you shouldn't be working in some capacity. The linger you're out of work, the harder it will be to get back into something.

UC pay 85% of childcare costs back as I receive this help.

Vaxtable · 09/02/2025 00:06

Thousands of single parents work, at 8 your child is becoming more independant

no doubt will get called out for this next comment, but you will be a better example to her working than not,

Thingymajigii · 09/02/2025 00:08

mumof1x99 · 08/02/2025 20:50

I feel you. I get 36k a year combined in benefits (all of them added together) I'm a single mom to a 4 year old son and with his needs I have no intention of working until he's in secondary school and is more independent

Do they not force you to work?

mumof1x99 · 09/02/2025 00:14

@Thingymajigii no, my son gets high rate care and high rate mobility DLA and I'm his registered full time carer so I'm exempt from work requirements

mitogoshigg · 09/02/2025 00:14

Many lone parents work, you can get help with childcare if they are young. I'm not saying it's easy but definitely not impossible

Spendysis · 09/02/2025 00:17

This is not intended to come across as judgmental at all I don't have much knowledge of uc but are they not expecting you to be looking for work as your dc is in school now do you not have to prove you are looking for work and attend interviews or you get sanctioned

My only experience with uc was when my 19 year old ds went on it very briefly 1 month and he was at appointments and being made to go to interviews for any job constantly

I was a single parent with husband as in he works permanent nights so school runs after school activities fell on me he gets up at 10 pm and was home around 10 am hgv driver I have always worked either part time at times it was hardly worth as we needed a second car but it kept up my pension contributions and my cv updated should something awful happen and i needed to work full time and as they got older full time and i wanted dc to grow up with a good work ethic which they although have taken very different career paths both work hard

Not benefit bashing at all everyone's circumstances are different but the average family without special needs or caring responsibilities shouldn't be better off on benefits and if they are either the benefits system is wrong or what employers pay is

Thingymajigii · 09/02/2025 00:17

Mumto42005 · 09/02/2025 00:02

I am a single parent of 4. Youngest is 1 years old. I have no family and no friends locally. I work full time, study a degree part time and have one child (possibly two) that have additional needs. I had 5 months maternity leave with my youngest then back to work. I had the longest off with him.

It can be done. But it depends on if you want to do it or not. I wouldn't dream of not working and work hard to show my kids that you have to work hard in life personally, so yes, you ABU to state you can't work as a single parent to an 8 year old.

I've been on my own now over 7 years and have always worked full time.

It's absolute shit and just an excuse to say you'd be worse off, and to still be at home with an 8 year old just because you are a single parent.

Can I ask how you manage the constant requests to attend things at your children's school. It's something I really struggle with personally. I work too but I feel immense guilt if I can't attend something.

isthatmyage · 09/02/2025 00:31

Where the actual F**k are the fathers in all this 'single parent' nonsense....really... 🙄

Dweetfidilove · 09/02/2025 00:31

@Okwhatn0w , it is difficult, but not impossible.
I've been doing it for quite a number of years. I also have a friend who's a lone parents with no family here and she qualified as a nurse, worked the unsociable hours and now her daughter is 16, is doing very well in her career. She qualified when her daughter was in primary school.

You will decide what works best for your family unit, but I urge you to have a plan for when your child gets ro 16. You're facing possible loss of child benefit, child allowance, non-dependent deduction etc. It's a huge adjustment that many people come into, wholly unprepared.

SpringChickenGiblets · 09/02/2025 00:39

I was a single parent with husband as in he works permanent nights

This is hilarious. You were NOT a single parent, your DH could choose to have a job working different hours, he choose not to. You have no idea what it’s like to be a one parent family and you have two incomes. Let me say this again, you were not a single parent. This was a lifestyle choice that your family made.

Gogogo12345 · 09/02/2025 00:49

Thingymajigii · 09/02/2025 00:17

Can I ask how you manage the constant requests to attend things at your children's school. It's something I really struggle with personally. I work too but I feel immense guilt if I can't attend something.

Show quote history

Often you don't. It's not high priority compared to keeping your job and feeding/ housing your kids

willstarttomorrow · 09/02/2025 00:53

I became a lone parent overnight when DH died suddenly. His pension found a way of not paying out and no applicable benefits (including widows pension due to changes). So after taking time off on full pay (which I appreciate-public sector) I had no choice to go back to work. It was bloody hard, no family within 200 miles and I work in child protection so no guarantees of finishing on time. Finding after school care and holiday clubs was a nightmare and cost £££. We had no choice and I was skint. It was terrifying and hand to mouth at times but we got there. I look back and I am so bloody proud.

It was not the life I had chosen and I had no bloody control over that. For a few years I was bloody angry about that- caught up in my grief and that of DC. It was shite, but you just do what you have to do. It took lots of years but we have worked through it and I have DC with a strong work ethic, in uni and just a credit to human kind.

excelledyourself · 09/02/2025 00:56

@willstarttomorrow

So what happened to the pension your husband had paid?

You got absolutely nothing? That's shocking!

user243245346 · 09/02/2025 01:05

I'm a single mum of two- one has disabilities but I don't claim benefits. I work full time and have since youngest was 10 months.

willstarttomorrow · 09/02/2025 01:09

@excelledyourself
Looking back now I probably could have fought it and won. I was just so tired of fighting. We woke up on a Sunday morning as a happy family, just finished decorating DC room who was 8 years old and we were joking about having an opening ceremony. By 13:30 he was being resuscitated in the living room due to an undiagnosed heart defect (DC had gone to friends house to play) and within a few hours was having to tell DC dad was dead. Everything after that was a bloody battle and you are at your most vulnerable and least resilient. We have got through and miss him but have created a lovely life despite it!

excelledyourself · 09/02/2025 01:13

willstarttomorrow · 09/02/2025 01:09

@excelledyourself
Looking back now I probably could have fought it and won. I was just so tired of fighting. We woke up on a Sunday morning as a happy family, just finished decorating DC room who was 8 years old and we were joking about having an opening ceremony. By 13:30 he was being resuscitated in the living room due to an undiagnosed heart defect (DC had gone to friends house to play) and within a few hours was having to tell DC dad was dead. Everything after that was a bloody battle and you are at your most vulnerable and least resilient. We have got through and miss him but have created a lovely life despite it!

I'm so sorry. That must have been devastating, and can see why you had to pick your battles at the time.

I'm glad life is being good to you now.

Thingymajigii · 09/02/2025 01:13

mumof1x99 · 09/02/2025 00:14

@Thingymajigii no, my son gets high rate care and high rate mobility DLA and I'm his registered full time carer so I'm exempt from work requirements

Ok that makes sense

user1492757084 · 09/02/2025 01:14

Willstarttomorrow, How unfair! Can you not seek legal advice and go back and fight now for what you and your child deserve?

Thingymajigii · 09/02/2025 01:15

user243245346 · 09/02/2025 01:05

I'm a single mum of two- one has disabilities but I don't claim benefits. I work full time and have since youngest was 10 months.

Do you have any help from family? Does your ex ever have them or do any school runs?

NImumconfused · 09/02/2025 02:58

willstarttomorrow · 09/02/2025 00:53

I became a lone parent overnight when DH died suddenly. His pension found a way of not paying out and no applicable benefits (including widows pension due to changes). So after taking time off on full pay (which I appreciate-public sector) I had no choice to go back to work. It was bloody hard, no family within 200 miles and I work in child protection so no guarantees of finishing on time. Finding after school care and holiday clubs was a nightmare and cost £££. We had no choice and I was skint. It was terrifying and hand to mouth at times but we got there. I look back and I am so bloody proud.

It was not the life I had chosen and I had no bloody control over that. For a few years I was bloody angry about that- caught up in my grief and that of DC. It was shite, but you just do what you have to do. It took lots of years but we have worked through it and I have DC with a strong work ethic, in uni and just a credit to human kind.

A friend of mine was similar, her DP died when the kids were tiny, no pension, no life insurance, not married so at than time no bereavement benefits either. So, so hard.

But she did keep working full time. I think like someone above said, it's easier to work as a single parent if you're already in a job where you're known and valued, people will give you flexibility. It's much more difficult to be going back into work somewhere new after a gap.

Meadowfinch · 09/02/2025 03:00

So retrain to do something better paid. Find something you love to do.

I've been a single mum for the last 14 years. I've worked full time all the way through. I pay my mortgage, we have a secure home.

It's been a bit of a juggling act sorting school holidays but it can be done. It's certainly not impossible. DS is 16 now, lower sixth. All good.

BabyCatMama · 09/02/2025 03:07

So basically you can earn 300 a month before the UC is affected, meaning you can be 300 a month better off working, before child care costs; I believe 70 per cent of that will be paid by the government

jeaux90 · 09/02/2025 09:27

Lone parent for 15 years.
Worked since she was 4 months old full time. No support, no family help.

Skill up, I'd gun for the IT sector, great money and good flexibility.

Even if it's functional (admin,hr,legal,training) this sector is great.

Don't trap yourself, the caring situation....who is that and do they not have carers coming in every day? If not this needs to get sorted.

mumof1x99 · 09/02/2025 10:01

BabyCatMama · 09/02/2025 03:07

So basically you can earn 300 a month before the UC is affected, meaning you can be 300 a month better off working, before child care costs; I believe 70 per cent of that will be paid by the government

I believe it's £404

Then every £1 you earn after that, 55p of your universal credit gets reduced

You'll most likely always be better off financially but sometimes it's just difficult if your child has disabilities or you struggle for wraparound care in smaller villages etc

BlwyddynNewydd · 09/02/2025 10:11

It is difficult, but it's good for you and good for your child if you do some work.

Your child will grow up knowing that working is normal, and thay they can also manage what life throws at them.

You need to have a life outside of children/caring. And in 8 -10 years benefits will stop/reduce massively and you will have to work. It's best to have been doing some work, to keep you an active part of the work force.

You will be better off working, even if you are on carers allowance, there is an amount you can earn before it impacts on your benefits.

I've been a single parent since mine were 3 and 5. After the first year, I have worked. Sometimes as little as 13 hours, sometimes as much as 60 hours a week. One of my children is ND and I didn't claim benefits for that (now over the age).

Managing the work/home balance has been really hard at times. Working part time definitely makes the difference to stress levels.

I'd start with voluntary work, and then look at part time work. It'll help you have a more balanced life, as well as upping your income.