To think working is impossible as a single parent

[Okwhatn0w]

Currently a stay at home single mother have been for the past 6 years, dc is 8 years old.
I worked 40 hours a week before becoming a lone parent and earned nearly half the amount I currently get on UC, I know if I return to work that i will be much worse off but not having anything else bar my dc to keep me entertained is quite literally driving me insane.

Any advice? I wouldn’t even know where to start.

I’m sorry you’re getting the brunt end of this post. The privilege is loud and clear in some of the responses. I wish you and your son the best!

Get some admin qualifications and wfh maybe x

I'm a lone parent with a child same age and I work 40 hours.
It's hard but can't sit around all day -need to earn a living and improve your earnings prospects and skills

I'm a single parent and work part time. It's possible.

@Okwhatn0w it's okay haha I should have known what was to come really 🫣 but it's important for people to see different circumstances - it's a shame that people don't understand how difficult it can be! Even if my son wasn't disabled, we live in a tiny area, there's no wrap around care at his school and child minders are like gold dust - I don't know how some do it!

I’m ignoring most of the responses you’ve had.

It seems to me that you need to find some work you can do from home. Some kind of admin? Remote tutoring?

Child tax credits were better for working single mums.

I don't blame you tbh, with child care bills and child sickness dramas whilst trying to hold down a job. Try do something part time which UC can top up for your own sanity and self worth.

i think it depends on lots of factors. I split with my ex when my kids were 21 months and 4 and carried on working 30
hours a week but I had support from my Mum and my ex was / is reliable and my job was flexible. It was still hard work at times and I had to be really organised. I often worked on an evening when the kids were in bed.

Disability benefits are a joke and very lucrative

Jesus wept. Try being a lone parent with a disabled child without a suitable school place. Come back in 5 years and let us know how you're getting on, eh?

No, OP. It's not impossible. I did it with 3, one with a disability and all on my own. Full time plus a part time and a seasonal side hustle.

Im about to become a single parent and work full time. Cant see anything changing. Our school has breakfast club & after school /late stay to 530pm.

what advice id give you is, skill up, do courses etc or get experience volunteering in the meantime of not working. The day will come soon that those benefits will be taken away so always be prepared and ready

OP, it's not impossible, but I didn't find it easy at times! I'm a single parent with 2 DC. I work FT as a nurse. When the DC were younger, it was bloody hard: childcare hours didn't correspond with my shift start/finish times, and I was juggling a now XH who was a bloody nightmare. Luckily though, when XH pissed off, I managed to negotiate FT hours, that DID correspond with childcare hours: I was allowed to work those hours from when XH pissed off (I don't get any help from him), to when my youngest started secondary school. However...my kids are NT, have good health and have no disabilities to speak of. They go to mainstream schools, and were able to attend childcare settings without issue. My DPs both died when the kids were younger so I didn't really have anyone to help out regularly (friends with kids and myself would buddy up and help each other, as would my DB and I). I know for fact that as a single parent, I've had it a LOT easier than many!!

I'm (very) lucky because I've had a good education and qualifications. I've worked for the same place for many many years, so was a known entity there with a proven work track record. Therefore they were very understanding when the shit hit the fan with XH, and they allowed the variation in work times etc - hens teeth in my line of work, but that made a huge difference (so always worth asking about flexible work patterns). On the flip side, my employers have a staff member who is now able to be flexible, and will never forget just how much kindness and support was shown to me during some very bleak times in my life. I now am able to pay that forward with doing whatever I can to help the ward. I was also the breadwinner before XH left, so no worries about me having to do any "return to practice" type things, as I kept my registration etc current. I can't imagine how difficult it must be for single parents with kids who do have disabilities and cannot attend mainstream settings....or those trying to find work after so long out of paid employment...or those without suitable qualifications. I do feel guilt that I couldn't stay at home with my DC when they were little, and I feel guilt that my DC were/are like latchkey kids...and - like other single parents - I play a lot of catch up with housework/family time etc when I'm not working!! But I have to work, and so needs must.

Are you able to update your qualifications and experience in the meantime? Start researching what courses might be available or if volunteering is possible? Perhaps for the future look at a school or child care setting where you can use your previous work experience (although I appreciate that might not be possible with your carer commitments). Or maybe PT WFH/remote working (I don't know how common these jobs are!)? Or PT in a local hospital or care setting? I think UC can top up if you don't earn enough.

How do you work out that you’d be worse off? UC only take a percentage off your entitlement per pound earned above a certain amount, plus 80% of childcare costs paid. It definitely pays more to work, even on nmw

As a Lp of a teen with additional needs . I worked as a child minder when he was younger . Now able to work although not full time . I work for great employers who work my hours around appointments and his needs .

you will need childcare like many other people .. harder yes impossible no .

If you have other caring responsibilities that might be a big part of it, not just being a single parent?

Does your dc’s dad do anything at all?

I have been a single parent since my two were 2 and 7, and I’ve always worked full time. I used to be self employed in a wildly demanding industry but had to give that up and just be normal full-time.

Exh is involved so not a lone parent but I do the bulk of it, and pretty much all the mental load.

Ive just hit a glorious point where my youngest is in year 6 and can walk home alone as long as its either a working from home day for me (I’m hybrid) or my eldest (year 11/ age 16) is in, and it’s amazing. Just like a whole new lease of life.

Childcare wise before that - I used an after school nanny for a whole, which was a disaster, then a childminder who was brilliant until she retired. Most recently had been using an off-site after school club, but then was sometimes taking a late lunch on my wfh days to go and collect DS and pick up work with him at home (once he was old enough for that to be fine), but it’s obviously all pricey.

I'm a single parent and have been working full time since my DC was about 9 months old. I could not afford not to work, and could not take several years long career break as it would mean never being able to work in my profession again (I train almost 10 years for it!). It was hard at first and almost all of my money went on paying rent and childcare. I also missed my DC a lot ((. Its getting better now and hopefully will be back to "normal" soon now my DC is in secondary nad is becoming more independent.

I think the main thing is organising good childcare, and finding an understanding employer who would be fine with you being late occasionally or having time off for whatever reason. Working from home would be your best option, probably.

I work full time as a single mother. DS's father hasn't been in contact for nearly a year so I haven't had a break in 11 months. I've always worked full time, except when I was a full time student for 4 years, but also working 3 part time jobs at a time to help pay the bills. What else was I supposed to do?!

Single parents around us work. They make it work and provide for their children. And it should be that way. I think goverment should do much more to get single parents into the work force.

You’re caring for who? I think I’ve read all your posts but can’t see that you have mentioned disabilities anywhere? I’m a single parent to 3 kids and manage to work part time with UC top ups. If I didn’t hit a certain earnings threshold they would be all over me, so what you originally posted makes no sense. If your DC or a family member is disabled then yes, of course it will be difficult to work alongside 35+ hours of caring responsibilities, however that essentially is work which is why you receive extra UC?

Who are you caring for nearly full time? If you get a job who’s going to do the caring? It doesn’t sound like your child, presumably in school during the week, is the reason you don’t think you can work. Your title and updates aren’t consistent.

Thats actually quite ridiculous if true..£36,000 for doing nothing. Kinda boils my piss as we can't claim any UC even with a SEN child.

I am lone parent and have always worked full time (not all of that as a lone parent though). Of course it's possible. It has challenges that couples and single parents who get time when their child is with the other parent don't have, but everyone has challenges.
In my favour I have a well paid professional job and was well established when I became a lone parent, and I wfh (have done for 10 years) with some flexibility and a very good working environment.
DS2 is coming up for 16 now so childcare isn't an issue, but there's still a great deal of responsibility that lies entirely on my shoulders.

do you get child care help as in the other parent see their child, grandparents maybe? Do you have an education? How hard did you have to work to get to where you are now?

I have had no support from the other parent, nor grandparents.
I am degree level educated.
I have worked very hard to get where I am now, but am fortunate to have always loved my job.

I am a single parent to a 5 yr old and work 4 days a week, after being out of work for a few years. It can be possible. Can you look for school hours jobs? What work do you have experience in? Is there anyone else you get support from?

I am a single parent of 4. Youngest is 1 years old. I have no family and no friends locally. I work full time, study a degree part time and have one child (possibly two) that have additional needs. I had 5 months maternity leave with my youngest then back to work. I had the longest off with him.

It can be done. But it depends on if you want to do it or not. I wouldn't dream of not working and work hard to show my kids that you have to work hard in life personally, so yes, you ABU to state you can't work as a single parent to an 8 year old.

I've been on my own now over 7 years and have always worked full time.

It's absolute shit and just an excuse to say you'd be worse off, and to still be at home with an 8 year old just because you are a single parent.

I don't think it's privilege, I think PPs didn't realise that poster had a child with additional needs. Other posters have made it clear that they don't include parents with disabilities or children with disabilities.