To not want to move baby to his own room yet?

[GingerBaby568]

Had a row with DH early this morning. Baby is 6 months. I am exclusively breastfeeding. Baby wakes 2x night for a feed (3x on a bad night). My bed is next to his crib. I get up, I feed, baby and I go back to sleep. Except after the 4am feed, I find it exceptionally hard to go back to sleep if baby gets up 4am. I don't mind it too much though as I do get just enough sleep to function well before that.

I feel like the move would make my life 100x harder. If I have to get up to a different room to feed, it will wake me up fully and won't be able to doze back off after the 1am feed. Plus baby will likely wake up fully by the time I hear him cry and get to him so he will take a while to settle back down. Which again, fucks me over.

DH has been sleeping in the spare bedroom (which has an ensuite and a king size bed with an expensive mattress, he's not exactly slumming it). But he wants back to our bed. He thinks baby will sleep better without me in the room.

I'd love a cuddle with my DH and for baby to sleep through at night. And a sense of normalcy.

But I feel the risk is huge for me. Until a month ago, baby was waking up every 2 hours, I have only just regained some sanity.

Do I just suck up the sleeplessness for DH's sake and very slim chance baby will sleep through? Any experiences anyone can share? I don't have any friends with babies sadly so the Internet is my only source of information.

No you do what suits you and baby best which is to maximise the amount of sleep you get until he needs less frequent feeding overnight.

Like you said, your husband isn't sluming it, he can wait.

At 6 months I was cosleeping because of the pattern of waking/feeds you describe.

Only just moved baby into own room at 11 months and I still fall asleep in there after feeding in the middle of the night.

Is your baby getting a bit big for the next to me crib or have you already sized up?

You could start the evening in one room with DP and then move into the baby's room after the first wake-up.

Are you doing all the night wakes every night?

Why couldn't you try it for a week and see what happens? It doesn't sound like your DH is being totally unreasonable here.

Why can’t you all sleep in the same room? That’s what I did, my then DH didn’t sleep elsewhere . Surely that’s the best option?

I didn’t move my DC out until at least 12 months, for all the reasons you outlined. The babies woke, I fed them then we went back to sleep. Their dad woke briefly sometimes but less so as they got older, He was up early too. It worked fine.

We managed our own cuddles too with baby in cot at side/bottom of the bed.

My baby stayed in with us until 9 months for the same reason - plus it was winter so I wasn’t keen on getting out into the cold to feed in an arm chair, my warm bed was much more appealing. My partner spent 2-3 nights a week in with us and the rest in the spare so he could function sleep wise

I got to a point where I felt like my baby and I were waking each other up and I moved her into a different room. I think she was a lot older though. I wanted her in with me for a long time though - like you, I was breastfeeding.

You could try it - use a travelcot as a temporary measure - and see what happens. But if current arrangements are helping you to get enough sleep, I wouldn't change it.

@Mulledjuice Baby is in a big crib already.

DH suggested that too. That i start the night in our bed and sleep in the spare room after the first wake up (crib will be in spare room).

Who in their right mind would want to start the night in one room and move to another one? Like how do you settle back down???

Yes, I do every single night waking. DH has been getting 8 hours of sleep for the last 4 months, every night.

Very, very few EBF mums move their babies to their own room at 6 months. I personally cosleep with my 18 month old as it's easier for a BF mum. At 6 months I wouldn't even consider it. She'll only end up back in with you when she's feeding all night teething etc.

My youngest DC stayed in my room until 3 as he woke several times in the night and was hard to settle. He started sleeping through when he went into his own room, I was shocked. I thought it would be a really difficult transition and we would have less sleep but it was the total opposite. Obviously he is much older than your baby and I wasn't BF so it could be a different experience for you.

@MsPavlichenko "Why can’t you all sleep in the same room?"

Because baby would wake up DH!!! We can't interfere with a man's sleep now, can we?

I had my babies in the room for 12 months. Tell DH he will have to wait, or just be woken regularly like most fathers

As an aside, your DH is a selfish arse to even have an opinion on room arrangements since he's not the one having to get up in the night. As my DD settles best with BF I've always done the night wakings (though DH would wake to change her when she was smaller and needed it) but as a result my DH has no opinion really on the room sharing arrangements. Yours is being extremely unreasonable.

I'd just say he is welcome to come join you, but until dc sleeps through you aren't putting them in their own room.

Surely he can just come sleep.in the main bedroom on nights he isn't at work the next day?

Btw, if you coslept baby would probably wake up less. But I'm sure your arsehole DH would have a problem with that too.

My baby is 4 months, he will categorically not be moving into his own room at 6 months. Why can't your partner sleep with you? My partner sleeps in our bed, we cuddle, have sex etc (obviously when he's sleeping) with no issue. I do all night wakings. That seems like the logical answer to me.

DH has a choice - share the bedroom with you and your baby or wait.

Moving the baby is just too disruptive for you and the baby.

Lots of DHs share a bed with their wife and a wakeful baby, does he have any reason why he can't?

If it's that he finds it totally unbearable, well then he's lucky the spare room is available.

@TuesdayRubies we tried cosleeping and it made it so much worse. I had a couple of good nights but then baby learned boob is on tap and he was waking up more and getting angry if he couldn't latch on instantly. Baby basically expected to be latched on all night to be able to sleep so we had to put him back to his crib.

If you read my post you’ll see we managed. My then DH was/is a spark and was up and out every day at the crack to go out on the tools back then. He just accepted that with a baby that things were different, and his sleep was sometimes disturbed. He soon got back to sleep. He was by no means perfect, in fact very traditional but even he knew this. I was dong the bulk of the care as he knew. That was 35 years ago. Surely your DH can manage for a few months?

To be honest this is pretty much what I did

YOUR CHOICE NOT HIS. End of.

Breastfeeding is really really hard and taxing emotionally and physically. This will always outweigh daddy wanting to sleep in his own bed.

Guy is absolutely clueless.

Stand your ground!

@MsPavlichenko but I don't have your DH. I'm not complaining about my own sleep deprivation. I can't change the fact that my DH isn't willing to do what yours did.

Who in their right mind would want to start the night in one room and move to another one? Like how do you settle back down???

Like i said, this is what I did from 11 months. Dh was on call if woke up before, say, 2 or 3am (he didn't much) and I took over after that.

I settle because by the time I've finished feeding DS and put him back in the cot I'm really sleepy. Sometimes I just let him sleep in the bed with me for the last stretch (say 5 - 7am)

Is what's happening here that your husband doesn't want to get woken up by the baby if he were to just join you in your bed? Because there's obviously space for him to do so...

If so, I'm surprised you still want to share a bed with him. He's trying to persuade you to replace your 6 month old infant with him, because he thinks it's nice to share a bed with you, and doesn't want that nice thing for him to be disturbed by his terribly inconvenient offspring. Your baby's survival and well-being is literally dependent on the proximity of your body, on what planet does a grown man's desire for a cuddle (and not hearing his baby wake up) matter more than that? It's actually insane that grown ups put their tiny vulnerable babies alone in different rooms just so they can cuddle up together in peace. It's bafflingly backwards. My partner tried the same shit, I told him to grow up and stop acting like such a selfish baby when there was an ACTUAL baby in the house whose needs HAVE to come first.

I wouldn't want to mess with disrupting night feeds if I was you. Only do this if you are okay with potentially stopping breastfeeding early.

Just give it a go, it might be fine.

He’s asking you to do it differently, I am suggesting you counter with a different suggestion. If he’s not prepared to even consider it there’s a bigger issue really.