To not want to move baby to his own room yet?

[GingerBaby568]

Had a row with DH early this morning. Baby is 6 months. I am exclusively breastfeeding. Baby wakes 2x night for a feed (3x on a bad night). My bed is next to his crib. I get up, I feed, baby and I go back to sleep. Except after the 4am feed, I find it exceptionally hard to go back to sleep if baby gets up 4am. I don't mind it too much though as I do get just enough sleep to function well before that.

I feel like the move would make my life 100x harder. If I have to get up to a different room to feed, it will wake me up fully and won't be able to doze back off after the 1am feed. Plus baby will likely wake up fully by the time I hear him cry and get to him so he will take a while to settle back down. Which again, fucks me over.

DH has been sleeping in the spare bedroom (which has an ensuite and a king size bed with an expensive mattress, he's not exactly slumming it). But he wants back to our bed. He thinks baby will sleep better without me in the room.

I'd love a cuddle with my DH and for baby to sleep through at night. And a sense of normalcy.

But I feel the risk is huge for me. Until a month ago, baby was waking up every 2 hours, I have only just regained some sanity.

Do I just suck up the sleeplessness for DH's sake and very slim chance baby will sleep through? Any experiences anyone can share? I don't have any friends with babies sadly so the Internet is my only source of information.

It’s probably time to drop one of the night feeds now. Baby won’t still need 2 for nutrition if you are weaning them onto real food. That will make things easier for you.

also, I used to sleep in 2 different rooms during the night and I found it fine to get back to sleep after the first couple of nights. Maybe time to try a couple of different things?

if DH isn’t helping at all then that’s a different issue, he should be either taking the baby in the evening to let you get an early night or taking him in the morning to give you a lie-in

DH is childish and selfish. Stay as you are I’m sure he can cope with the hardship of a king size bed in an en-suite room with no one waking him up all night for a few more months. Some very odd advice on this thread I must say.

Rubbish and outdated advice on night weaning.

Nothing should get between mother and baby esp while breastfeeding. DH needs to man up

Baby gets most nutrition from milk until 12 months

You'd be mad to move him, wait till the feeds stop, if not wake DH when you're woken, he'll soon change his mind

OP, ignore all the bonkers advice on this thread. Keep doing what you're doing, don't change a thing. You'll know when the time is right to move baby and it isn't now.

I EBF both of mine and moved them both at 6 months. My DSis did the same. Personally I found they slept better in their own room at that stage, and I didn't mind getting up and feeding them in their room until they started sleeping through. I got so fed up with going to bed with the lights out, trying not to make any noise and wake them up. It was so much better when they were in their own room and we could go to bed and chat, read, rather than tiptoe around trying not to wake the baby!

No, absolutely not.

You'll be advised not to night wean before one and it’s a fucking mission then anyway, and made my babies sleep a lot worse, as there was no quick way to get him back to sleep.

It probably works for some people but it’s the minority by far.

You and baby have a plan that works. If DH wants to come back and sleep with you, he can, but he runs the risk of being woken.

To be honest, I’d be struggling to cope with him being a selfish wanker over sleep anyway, him actively now wanting to make my sleep worse would push me over the edge.

I would say to try it with the condition that if moving the baby doesn't miraculously lead to sleeping all night your husband brings the baby to you and he can either stay or go to the spare room to sleep. If he's not happy with that then he doesn't really believe baby will sleep through and actually just expects you to suck up the rough nights whilst he sleeps a solid 8 hours.

Seems to be all about him. It is also odd that he has chosen to completely opt out of any night waking and simply leave all night time baby care to you. If he wants to sleep with you then he needs to move back into the same bed as you but he doesn't get to move the baby out. The stuff about the baby sleeping through is really just bullshit to justify what he wants.

This would be madness!! Breastfeeding helps you get back to sleep if you can roll over after feeding, not if you need to move rooms. Does he have any idea how difficult it is to function with a lack of sleep? Obviously there’s a reason he’s not sleeping with you and baby right now? Optimise it as much as you can because it doesn’t sound like he’s overtly concerned about your wellbeing or baby!

When he learns to lactate and feed your baby, he can decide how far away baby sleeps.
He can absolutely come back to his own bed, he just has to accept life as you've lived it for the last six months.

OP, he wants the baby out of the room so he can hope to resume sex

Worked perfectly fine with my child last year 🤔and all my friends who did sleep training…

guidance is once they hit 13 pounds they don’t need food during night for nutrition any more.

Sick of people like you trying to guilt exhausted mums into endless pointless night feeds to be honest!

You obviously know absolutely nothing about breastfeeding.

You shouldn't be sleep training a 6mo.

Can’t see any reference to 13lb on the NHS site, just an American blog. And it wouldn’t apply to EBF babies, anyway.

I breastfed my first baby for a year and second one for 3 months so far, so know enough! First baby went from 10th to 50th centile so I must’ve done something right!

honestly women like you are just the absolute worst to other mums - not only is EBF now not good enough, you need to EBF and cosleep for 3 years or you’re apparently a bad mother 🙄🙄🙄

Your DH's wishes should not trump yours in this situation. Is he suffering in the spare room? I doubt it. Tell him to suck it up

I've not said anything about cosleeping for 3 years or 'bad mothers'. I know what you have said is factually incorrect, and that's all I have commented on.

Babies shouldn't begin with solids until 6 months. A baby of 6 months isn't getting anywhere near equivalent calories and nutrition from experimenting with solids as they are from an entire breastfeed; especially a night feed which includes different chemicals, such as prolactin and melatonin, which contribute towards balancing circadian rhythm and maintaining consistent milk production.

Whose"guidance"?

Some random American blog 😂

But who says they’re not having sex?!

I had an EBF baby who at 6 months was waking similar to yours (2/3 times). I was reluctant to move them for the same reasons, getting up is more disturbing for me etc however I was persuaded by my husband to try. Actually it was what ended up being what made them sleep through. I think we were disturbing each other. They have slept through since then (now 1+) with rare wakings if ill so I'd suggest giving it a trial or a week or two

OP, I would have thought the same as you, until circumstances meant we put son into his own room for a long weekend at 5 months (solids began at 4 months in those days). We had the same set up as you - husband in another room so he got rest for work - and a family visit meant we needed 'husband's' room for guests.

Son slept so much better in his own room that we decided to leave him there. I slept so much better too, and it seemed as though we were each waking eachother up as we shifted and went in and out of lighter sleep. The night-time feed shifted to 4-5am and then disappeared.

I'd suggest giving it a try one weekend, and see how it goes.