To not want to move baby to his own room yet?

[GingerBaby568]

Had a row with DH early this morning. Baby is 6 months. I am exclusively breastfeeding. Baby wakes 2x night for a feed (3x on a bad night). My bed is next to his crib. I get up, I feed, baby and I go back to sleep. Except after the 4am feed, I find it exceptionally hard to go back to sleep if baby gets up 4am. I don't mind it too much though as I do get just enough sleep to function well before that.

I feel like the move would make my life 100x harder. If I have to get up to a different room to feed, it will wake me up fully and won't be able to doze back off after the 1am feed. Plus baby will likely wake up fully by the time I hear him cry and get to him so he will take a while to settle back down. Which again, fucks me over.

DH has been sleeping in the spare bedroom (which has an ensuite and a king size bed with an expensive mattress, he's not exactly slumming it). But he wants back to our bed. He thinks baby will sleep better without me in the room.

I'd love a cuddle with my DH and for baby to sleep through at night. And a sense of normalcy.

But I feel the risk is huge for me. Until a month ago, baby was waking up every 2 hours, I have only just regained some sanity.

Do I just suck up the sleeplessness for DH's sake and very slim chance baby will sleep through? Any experiences anyone can share? I don't have any friends with babies sadly so the Internet is my only source of information.

Might be worth a try I think mine slept better in their own rooms though it is hard to tell as it's not an exact science (both EBF).
If you are happy with your current arrangement you should get the final say on the sleeping arrangements as you are doing the nights.
It is frustrating but I don't think the partners of women who EBF babies will ever understand how hard it is. Although perhaps if you bring him in the room with you both he will understand...

I'd give DH his bed back and move into the spare room with baby! 6 months is too young. Tell DH you'll consider it at 12 months.

Baby and you come first IMO, sleeplessness can be extremely debilitating- speaking from experience of a frequent waker.
These days don't last forever. Do what u need to do to make your life more manageable

Well that's his choice. Because co-sleeping allows you to get a few hours of broken sleep. His choice is share the space with you both or not. You do what works best for you. You're the one getting up. When he grows boobs to help share the burden, he can sleep separately to Baby.

Might this be sex related?

This! Take the big bed!

@Pineapplewaves why would I move to the spare room? What exactly would that achieve????

Putting them in their own room doesn't make them sleep through the night and neither does night weaning.

YANBU to do whatever you feel most comfortable with.

You said your husband wants his place in the master bedroom back, so give it to him!

I think your DH is delusional. Your baby will just be more awake by the time you get to them and take longer to settle. We didn't move either DCs into their own room until 1. The oldest only woke up occasionally for a cuddle and a bit of water. The youngest woke up several times a night until 4 at its worst hourly.

Is he always this fucking selfish?

Waking up is biological, not environmental. He's talking shite.

We moved DS out at 5 months. We also started mixed feeding so DH could give him a bottle for one of the night feeds. I still breastfed for just under 2 years. However, for my night feeds, I did indeed do them lying down in the spare room (then coslept the rest of the night).

Your husband sounds utterly crap and selfish. He should be helping you out during the night, bringing the baby to you for feeds, giving a bottle, whatever helps. If he won't do that he doesn't love you. Save yourself loads of agro and ditch him now. Then you can do what suits you and baby without having to cater to some selfish twat as well.

I had a partner like this. I stayed far too long. Don't waste your time.

OP I get this terror. I had one really bad sleeper (my first) and I well remember that as things gradually got better I was on edge waiting for a regression. Or I would get really upset and anxious at small signs of regression assuming it was going to back to square one.

You're right to focus on what works for you and baby, especially as it's such early days. Things do change and babies move into new phases so I don't think you should never try any new arrangements. But you should try them when you feel ready and positive about it. If you moved baby to another room out of your own sense that it's the right then then if it didn't go well you'll feel annoyed but you'd move on. However if you move baby out at DH's insistence and it doesn't go well then you'll be annoyed, tired and resentful towards him, which is not gonna be great.

From your mention of 'cuddle with DH' I wonder if moving back to your room is tied up with sex? Does he want more/want to have sex in the marital bed? Otherwise I'm struggling to see why he can't continue having uninterrupted nights in a comfy bed for a month or two more til you feel ready to adjust the arrangements?

FWIW all mine slept in with me for at least 10mo, and I never found that moving them out of our room made some miraculous improvement to their sleep. As you said, night weaning was what made the most difference rather than just being in a different room.

We moved my combi fed baby into his own room at 6 months mostly due to pressure from friends and family (stupid in hindsight)- though all night feeds are breastfeeding and he will only sleep in there until the first wake of the night then he ends up in bed with me as it was taking two hours to try and settle him back in his cot. My husband has been in the spare room since December it's the only way I can get any sleep and keep some sanity.

Our room is too small to fit a cot in now he has outgrown the next to me otherwise I think that would work

Why though? DH is in a nice bed, why move everything around? Unless he has some particular reason like he finds it too bright in the spare room or something. In which case he comes back to the main bedroom and sucks up the slight disturbance while his partner looks after his baby every time it wakes up and he just rolls over in bed

You do what suits you! You might find you and baby wake eachother less with less rustling. And I found I was always on high enough alert I would hear them before they fully had to scream, keep the monitor on. As for whether it wakes you fully; that’s entirely your call.
worth having a plan in mind though. Do you want to do this until they reliably sleep through? That could be another year. But regardless, hubby is not slumming it (!) and if you’re doing all the night wakes, what you say goes. There’s also no reason he can’t be in the bed with you anyway if baby is in the crib bht it sounds like he wants the undisturbed sleep! Can’t have it both ways…. Xx

Your DH can fuck off. Is he hoping for more sex if he's back in your bed? DP was in a separate room until a couple of weeks ago (when DS turned 21 months!) because he snored and had early starts and I didn't want to be disturbed. That's all calmed down now and we're reunited for the time being (I am 6 months pregnant).

6 months is still so little, I would simply not be having it.

My DS didn't sleep though (I'm talking 4-5 hours!!) until he was 11 months old and we moved him into his own room after his first birthday - after I had night weaned him. He was still often waking up at 4/5am and I'd just take him into bed with me at that point and he'd feed to sleep and we'd both snooze until the morning.

This what we did and it worked well for a bit as a halfway house.
I think baby being on own at first part of night helped baby to not be scared if they woke up and I wasn't there immediately and I got some nice cuddles with DH again which helps me get to sleep.
Baby moved into own room at about 7 or 8months I think ( out grew cot and bigger cot didn't fit in our room).
Baby even slept through the night a few times!!!
So it might be worth trying

Try his idea on the weekends when he is home.
He goes and gets baby, you feed, he changes baby and settles back to bed.

He needs to do some nights to appreciate and value what you are doing. Don't try to save him from that, you won't be doing yourself any favours.

Meh, both our children slept in our bed till they were 8.
They will be 17 and 9 soon. My husband was happy to have them in bed with us. It made breastfeeding so easy at night and everyone got sleep and my husband has always been on board with making my life easier.
Now we have our bed to ourselves forever. The years fly by, they grow up and then is no more night snuggles. All you will have left is those cherished memories.

I couldn't vote as I don't think either of you are being unreasonable. We moved one DD at exactly 6 months and kept one DD with us till 7.5 months. You should stop using the crib once they can sit themselves up too. Their own rooms did improve sleep but it isn't as nice going to the nursery to feed in a chair as it is to stay in bed. It has to happen sometime though unless you have room for a cot in your room. We didn't and I was ready to return to no babies in the room.

Your DH is being ridiculous. There is zero point moving your baby to his own room when you have such a good thing going for now - 2x 5 minute feeds, then back to sleep for both of you? I would not be messing with that. I've had (still ongoing!) two terrible sleepers, so I know the terror of sleep deprivation. I don't think your DH really gets a say here, since you're doing it all.

This is a great idea!

I think that because he is willing to kick you out after the first night feed, this actually is about him wanting a free room for sex when you go to bed.