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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

WOuld you invite someone to stay for the weekend and ask them to babysit for you and dh to go out on the Saturday night?

31 replies

ComeOVeneer · 08/05/2008 12:13

AIBU in thinking this is really off?

A relative of dh's (it is his maternal grandmother's 1st cousin's daughter in law!!!!!) is having a 50th birthday party in a few weeks. It is about 1.5 hours drive away and an adult only party. We can't ask any of dh's family to babysit as they are obviously going to the party. My parents will have stayed at our house for 6 days the week before to look after ds and dd whilst dh and I are in the states, so I don't want to ask them to come over (they would need to stay the night) as they will still be recovering . Both our usual babysitters are studying for school exams so aren't working atm.

So anyway.......

We were at IL's at the weekend and I said I didn't think we would be able to make it our perhaps dh would go on his own, as we had nobody to care for the children. SO MIL suggested we invite my sister and her dh plus children to come for the weekend and get them to babysit. I thought that was totally out of order. MIL thinks I am being totally unreasonable, and is now accusing me of being deliberately awkward and trying to spoil the party for everyone.

WOuld you ask someone to drive over 2 hours on Friday night with 2 small children to return home after lunch on Sunday, and ask them to babysit 4 children on Sat night (with you leaving at about 6pm to return after midnight)?

OP posts:
ProfessorGrammaticus · 08/05/2008 12:14

Only if they were family and I could reciprocate.

Lizzylou · 08/05/2008 12:15

NO, I don't think any of our families would even begin to consider doing that for us tbh.

stuffitall · 08/05/2008 12:16

Not really, unless you ask it as a big desperate favour and buy them a present, or offer to take their children out for the day all day on Sat or something like that. Do you know them well enough to ask and for neither side to be offended if it's a no, and for them to be able to say no without feeling bad?

Cammelia · 08/05/2008 12:16

I wouldn't do it in that way, no. I might ask my sister to babysit my children or have them at hers for the night though.

Prufrock · 08/05/2008 12:17

No.

I have asked my sister to babysit in a similar situation, but she's single and childless , so actually enjoys looking after my 2 and comes specificaly to play with them. She also normally comes for a week or so.

katwith3kittens · 08/05/2008 12:17

I would do it for my sister.

Or infact any of my friends....

as long as I knew about you guys going out and it wasnt just dumped on me at the last minute.

Cant hurt to ask her can it ?

elliott · 08/05/2008 12:18

Yes if they were family and I knew they would be happy to do this for us. Are you not close to your sister? Coudl you offer to have her children sometime so that she and her dh can get away?

Original poster
ComeOVeneer · 08/05/2008 12:18

Stuffitall, it is my sister, so I could ask easily, and she could say no easily, but as I think it is totally wrong I don't want to enter into the conversation. Because we live a fair distance from each other we don't see that much of each other, so if they come the the weekend I want to spend time with them, not go out leaving them sitting in my house looking after my children (and theirs).

OP posts:
TheHedgeWitch · 08/05/2008 12:19

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

AtheneNoctua · 08/05/2008 12:20

Hi COV. It might be okay if you offered it as a swap where you then go hang out at their house one weekend and allow them to have a night out.

Or... you know what I'm going to say... there's always sitters.co.uk. Or borrow someone's nanny/au pair for the night.

However, I would have my limits on how much childcare I was willing to fork out for the pleasure of going to a party. You know, I would probably not be prepared to spend £100 on babysitting for a night out unless it was a REALLY important night out.

What about trying to find a registered childminder who babysits near the party and drop the kids off for the duration of the party. It would probably be a lot cheaper.

Original poster
ComeOVeneer · 08/05/2008 12:26

Athene, have you not heard what ds is like atm? There is no way I can have somebody babysitting who he doesn't know. The party is 1.5 hours drive away, trarts at 7.30pm, finishing at midnight(ish), so we wouldn't be back until 1.30/2am (we would have to stay for the duration as it is on a boat). Doubt we could get a non friend/family babysitter to do those hours anyway. (8 hours!!!)

OP posts:
barnstaple · 08/05/2008 12:26

How badly do you want to go? I doubt that the party will really be ruined, though without you it might not be as amazing and unforgettable as it would be if you were there. ()

I wouldn't ask if I felt it was totally wrong to do so (what price integrity?!).

Original poster
ComeOVeneer · 08/05/2008 12:28

Of course the party won't be ruined, it is just MIL having yet another go at me if i don't tow the line and do what she wants of me.

OP posts:
stuffitall · 08/05/2008 12:28

I wouldn't raise it then COV. Sorry I thought it was your SIL.
You know and appreciate your sister better than your MIL knows and appreciates her and therefore you are automatically right! QED

stuffitall · 08/05/2008 12:29

aren't MILs lovely, they can make a sticky situation downright painful

bossybritches · 08/05/2008 12:32

no YANBU!!!

If your Sister or her DH could come on their own, either individually or having got a sitter for THEIR kids then maybe but it's a big ask!!

Just tell your MIL your sis is busy with stuff of her own that w/e but you tried (lying & smiling sweetly)

Family parties should be just that kids & all, if you want to do a child-free one fair enough but you have to accept some of the guests with young children might have babysitting problems.

If it's that much of an issue for her ask HER to find a sitter & you'll take the kids to HER house to be looked after!!!

Earlybird · 08/05/2008 12:33

What does your dh think you should do? It's his Mum after all...

Original poster
ComeOVeneer · 08/05/2008 12:39

Dh doesn't think it is wrong to ask someone to do this, he said he would ask his sister to do it if the situation was reversed, however, she is single, no children and lives 30 mins away.

OP posts:
AtheneNoctua · 08/05/2008 12:41

Sorry, no idea what your DS's current sleep routine is. Has it been on the BBC?

Okay, I think it's pretty clear hear that you don't want to do this. So, my advice is don't. Send DH to the party alone to face HIS mother. Childcare sounds impossible or at the very least unreasonably complicated.

Just say "I'm really sorry, but I simply can't swing it". Or have a quick chat with your sister and get her to confirm that she is going away that weekend and can not do it. So, you go back and say I asked, she said no. Sorry, can't make it.

SniffyHock · 08/05/2008 12:42

My sister would have no problem with that - I'd just have to promise to leave a lovely meal for them and cook lunch on Sunday! Also an offer to reciprocate!

stuffitall · 08/05/2008 12:44

athene's right.. say they can't do it
not everybody can be at every party

Original poster
ComeOVeneer · 08/05/2008 12:45

Athene, though you might have read about ds's nocturnal wanderings/guitar seranades/artistic tendencies on the W London thread.

What I object to is that she will bitch about me to all and sundry at the party about how I couldn't be bothered to make the effort to sort out childcare and come to the party blah, blah, blah.

OP posts:
katwith3kittens · 08/05/2008 13:12

But thats just what MILs do isn't it

And tbh.. who wants to get stuck with an old bore like that at a party ?

Nobody

... they'll make their excuses and scoot to the opposite end of the boat asap !

AtheneNoctua · 08/05/2008 13:29

And will going to the party stop her from bitching about you when you are at one end of the boat and she is at the other? Will it bring peace to your life or will you endure all the usual crap that spews from her vocal box anyway?

Okay, how horrible is DS? Can you really not leave him with a qualified childcarer? I gather teenage babysitter might not be up to the task. But what about a career nanny who might pick up some babysitting for say £10 an hour. Surely they could manage 3 year old sleep difficulties. 'tis their job after all.

I can't keep up with Wlondon chat thread. Have missied everything about your DS.

Original poster
ComeOVeneer · 08/05/2008 13:34

Yes, a career nanny could def cope with ds but at £10 an hour with the travelling to and from party plus party we are looking at at least 6pm until 2am so min £80 (if they will work that late, prob extra if they do, plus poss cab fare) more likely £100. I don't want to part with that kind of money to attend dh's second cousin twice removed wife's (or whatever she is) birthday party!

OP posts: