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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To hire a cleaner when working PT?

88 replies

PineMarti · 07/02/2025 18:51

I work 32 hours a week (7-3, 4 days a week) and have one weekday off.

Originally the idea was my day off (Friday) would be the day I get on top of stuff at home. I normally do the weekly shop, clean the bathroom, get on top of the laundry etc. But actually I have found it’s great to have a few kid free hours to do things like go for a haircut, get gifts/do wrapping if we have things coming up, so sometimes I don’t get everything done. It really is easier.

I suggested we get a cleaner. just a few hours every other week to do things like blitz the bathroom and do a good mop.. DHs reply was “I am NOT paying for a cleaner when there’s a day you can so those things at home”

Just to give you an idea of my week:
I technically work 7- 3.30 but take my lunch break at the end of shift and leave to get the kids (nursery and KS1 ages) so often I don’t have lunch. I drive the 45 minutes home, feed them, bathe them, homework, bedtime all before DH is home. I am knackered before he has even stepped through the door (and hangry 😂) I have one evening a week where I go to the gym 7-9 and he does bedtimes.

Am I being really selfish or would you get a cleaner in these circumstances?

OP posts:
MaybeItWasMe · 07/02/2025 18:53

If you can afford it, go for it.

LittleBearPad · 07/02/2025 18:54

I work fewer hours than you. I have a cleaner.

friendlycat · 07/02/2025 18:55

If you can afford it of course get some help with the cleaning. But I would recommend you have a cleaner come in every week.

LittleBearPad · 07/02/2025 18:55

Online food shopping is a massive timesaver too.

noworklifebalance · 07/02/2025 18:56

I noticed he said that “I am not paying for it..”
So, I guess it depends how your finances are split and whether it is affordable, are you saving for other things?
I know SAHP (with children at school) who have cleaners, I know those that work FT and don’t have cleaners. So it is depends on your personal circumstances.

Holdonforsummer · 07/02/2025 18:56

I work four days a week and still have a cleaner. On my day off, I go to Lidl, try to squeeze in a workout, do some batch cooking, do a couple of loads of washing. Occasionally I even meet a friend for coffee. I am always busy, and really appreciate having the cleaner, it keeps me sane. I think your husband should spend a week in your shoes and then make the decision.

Original poster
PineMarti · 07/02/2025 18:56

LittleBearPad · 07/02/2025 18:55

Online food shopping is a massive timesaver too.

I do that but unfortunately where we live we can’t get a delivery so I have to click and collect!

OP posts:
CCLCECSC · 07/02/2025 18:59

If you can afford one, get a cleaner.

AuraBora · 07/02/2025 18:59

Those sound like really busy days, starting work at 7am and doing all the kids stuff after you finish, apart from the one evening you finish at 7pm to go to the gym.
We used to have a cleaner when I worked 3 days a week but had toddler the other 2 days - I found it impossible to get much done.
Now we don't as we are worse off with COL but I agree if you can afford it you absolutely should. I think your DP is being unreasonable otherwise.

Kitchensinktoday · 07/02/2025 18:59

If you can afford it, then I think it’s absolutely fine

RufustheFactuaIReindeer · 07/02/2025 19:01

I am between cleaners but i work 3 days a week and had a cleaner, if you can afford it why not

SometimesMaybe · 07/02/2025 19:01

I only work 25 hours and I have a cleaner. I work school hours over four days. My Friday is doing all the life admin (I know, I know lots of people work full time and manage their life admin just fine), I also get hair done, meet a friend for coffee, go for a run, do the shopping etc and it means the weekend is completely free for family time. Everyone wins!

DH wasn’t totally convinced for the first couple of years but during Covid when the cleaner couldn’t come I was very clear that we would be splitting the cleaning 50/50. He is now a big fan of the cleaner!

theduchessofspork · 07/02/2025 19:02

If you can afford it, do it.

Doesn’t sound he’s doing his bit at home - one bedtime a week, so he’s in no position to talk about slacking

And who does he think he is, he doesn’t get to decide if you have a cleaner or not, you earn money, you don’t sound skint, it’s a reasonable think to spend money on.

Roomgigi · 07/02/2025 19:03

He could always do the cleaning at the weekend seeing as he's not doing any child pick ups/dinners etc

Solmum1964 · 07/02/2025 19:03

I used to work 10-2 three days a week. I didn't have a cleaner but did pay for the ironing to be done and had a weekly food delivery.
It made life much easier and gave me the time to fit in DTs many after school activities and some time for myself.

Original poster
PineMarti · 07/02/2025 19:03

It is affordable, it wouldn’t break the bank for us at all! Otherwise I wouldn’t suggest it.

He also works really long hours commuting to London but he ALWAYS uses it as an excuse to do the bare minimum at home. He doesn’t even out his own clothes away. If he was a bit more “helpful” then I wouldn’t mind so much

OP posts:
user1471453601 · 07/02/2025 19:04

I'm retired now so I don't work at all. I've had a cleaner for most of the 15years I've been retired.

I could use the excuse that I'm disabled now, so need one, which is true. But I also had one when I was swimming 50 lengths of my local pool four days a week, and walking to the pool (about 45 minutes from home) as well. My excuse then was, well I'm busy swimming and walking.

You don't need an excuse to get a cleaner. If you can afford them (and pay a decent wage) then go for it.

Createausername1970 · 07/02/2025 19:04

If you can afford it then why not? That cleaner is person trying to earn a living.

I would also suggest to DH that he should take responsibility for somethings as well, as it sounds like your work and childcare takes up most of your time.

Createausername1970 · 07/02/2025 19:04

PineMarti · 07/02/2025 19:03

It is affordable, it wouldn’t break the bank for us at all! Otherwise I wouldn’t suggest it.

He also works really long hours commuting to London but he ALWAYS uses it as an excuse to do the bare minimum at home. He doesn’t even out his own clothes away. If he was a bit more “helpful” then I wouldn’t mind so much

Leave them on his side of the bed.

Original poster
PineMarti · 07/02/2025 19:07

AuraBora · 07/02/2025 18:59

Those sound like really busy days, starting work at 7am and doing all the kids stuff after you finish, apart from the one evening you finish at 7pm to go to the gym.
We used to have a cleaner when I worked 3 days a week but had toddler the other 2 days - I found it impossible to get much done.
Now we don't as we are worse off with COL but I agree if you can afford it you absolutely should. I think your DP is being unreasonable otherwise.

I think this is the thing - not just DH, people in general, seem to think I have so much leisure time to myself because I don’t work full time.

I can’t stress this enough: I do. Not. Stop.

barely have time to fart 🤣

OP posts:
BreezyScroller · 07/02/2025 19:07

As above, the only question should be "can you afford it"

Your husband is welcome to do her job at the weekend if he prefers.

You don't need to have a job AT ALL to have a cleaner!

gavinandstaceychristmasspecial · 07/02/2025 19:08

LittleBearPad · 07/02/2025 18:54

I work fewer hours than you. I have a cleaner.

Same

YouDeserveBetterSoAskForIt · 07/02/2025 19:09

My DH offered for us to get a cleaner when I wasn't working and we had no kids. I had PLENTY of time to clean...

Why did he offer? Because he said he didn't want me having to do anything he wouldn't want to do himself.

I refused as I don't mind, I had time and it did seem a bit of a waste of money... But why would your DH insist on you having to clean if you could afford a cleaner and it would make your life happier/nicer?

It makes no sense to me and feels a bit mean really.

BreezyScroller · 07/02/2025 19:09

PineMarti · 07/02/2025 19:07

I think this is the thing - not just DH, people in general, seem to think I have so much leisure time to myself because I don’t work full time.

I can’t stress this enough: I do. Not. Stop.

barely have time to fart 🤣

Show quote history

It's MN, don't start the debate 😂

There are enough of threads from SAHM who have no time whatsoever, and it does wind posters up.

You don't need a "job" to be extremely busy ,and you are doing more than enough. Of all the things to feel guilty about, having a cleaner is not one.

LittleBearPad · 07/02/2025 19:11

PineMarti · 07/02/2025 19:03

It is affordable, it wouldn’t break the bank for us at all! Otherwise I wouldn’t suggest it.

He also works really long hours commuting to London but he ALWAYS uses it as an excuse to do the bare minimum at home. He doesn’t even out his own clothes away. If he was a bit more “helpful” then I wouldn’t mind so much

Don’t put them away.

He’s a grown man. He can put away his own clothes. Remind him he’s welcome to start washing them too if he can’t be a bit less useless