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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To hire a cleaner when working PT?

88 replies

PineMarti · 07/02/2025 18:51

I work 32 hours a week (7-3, 4 days a week) and have one weekday off.

Originally the idea was my day off (Friday) would be the day I get on top of stuff at home. I normally do the weekly shop, clean the bathroom, get on top of the laundry etc. But actually I have found it’s great to have a few kid free hours to do things like go for a haircut, get gifts/do wrapping if we have things coming up, so sometimes I don’t get everything done. It really is easier.

I suggested we get a cleaner. just a few hours every other week to do things like blitz the bathroom and do a good mop.. DHs reply was “I am NOT paying for a cleaner when there’s a day you can so those things at home”

Just to give you an idea of my week:
I technically work 7- 3.30 but take my lunch break at the end of shift and leave to get the kids (nursery and KS1 ages) so often I don’t have lunch. I drive the 45 minutes home, feed them, bathe them, homework, bedtime all before DH is home. I am knackered before he has even stepped through the door (and hangry 😂) I have one evening a week where I go to the gym 7-9 and he does bedtimes.

Am I being really selfish or would you get a cleaner in these circumstances?

OP posts:
Original poster
PineMarti · 07/02/2025 19:12

YouDeserveBetterSoAskForIt · 07/02/2025 19:09

My DH offered for us to get a cleaner when I wasn't working and we had no kids. I had PLENTY of time to clean...

Why did he offer? Because he said he didn't want me having to do anything he wouldn't want to do himself.

I refused as I don't mind, I had time and it did seem a bit of a waste of money... But why would your DH insist on you having to clean if you could afford a cleaner and it would make your life happier/nicer?

It makes no sense to me and feels a bit mean really.

I don’t mind doing it but I don’t like feeling obliged to do it. He seems to see as a waste of money when I’m at home and could do it?

I would just like to have a few hours to go for a haircut without having to sacrifice a clean bathroom tbh!

OP posts:
heroinechic · 07/02/2025 19:17

Presumably you feel obliged to do it because your reason for going part time was that you could use that day to get on top of stuff at home (in crude terms, there was family value in you decreasing your hours).

If my DH said he wanted to drop his hours so he could get on top of the house and I agreed, then later he told me he wanted to get a cleaner instead so that he could get a hair cut and enjoy some child free time I'd be wondering what the point of decreasing the family income was, only to have to pay for a cleaner as well!

AuraBora · 07/02/2025 19:18

Barely have time to fart - brilliant!
I know the feeling though and sympathise.
I bet your DH wouldn't want to swap...
Show him the thread once you have more replies..!

kessiebird · 07/02/2025 19:19

Yes definitely get one. We got a deep clean before Christmas and now have someone two hours a fortnight. DH had to see it in practice to get the value as he's from a very traditional background. His parents only got one once they could no longer manage.

Frees my time up to save money in other ways, run the house plus a bit of time for me. Well worth the money. I'm full time now but I know retired and part timers with cleaners.

YouDeserveBetterSoAskForIt · 07/02/2025 19:20

PineMarti · 07/02/2025 19:12

I don’t mind doing it but I don’t like feeling obliged to do it. He seems to see as a waste of money when I’m at home and could do it?

I would just like to have a few hours to go for a haircut without having to sacrifice a clean bathroom tbh!

Edited
Show quote history

I don't see any problem at all with what you want to do and your DH should WANT you to be happy and have some time to rest and do self care.

Sometimes relationships get into a toxic comparison battle of who is working the hardest, who is the most tired and unfortunately some men do see cleaning as something women should just get on with.

I am a much better wife when I feel happy and have had some time to relax. I feel more generous emotionally and connected to him because I'm not resentful. It goes both ways, because I do things for him to ensure he feels like he is getting looked after too.

Marriage is like an infinity symbol of constantly flowing energy and it needs to be replenished from both sides or one person is going to get exhausted carrying the flow.

I would be questioning why he resents you having a cleaner if it isn't going to really affect him.

Original poster
PineMarti · 07/02/2025 19:22

heroinechic · 07/02/2025 19:17

Presumably you feel obliged to do it because your reason for going part time was that you could use that day to get on top of stuff at home (in crude terms, there was family value in you decreasing your hours).

If my DH said he wanted to drop his hours so he could get on top of the house and I agreed, then later he told me he wanted to get a cleaner instead so that he could get a hair cut and enjoy some child free time I'd be wondering what the point of decreasing the family income was, only to have to pay for a cleaner as well!

Actually I went up to four days from three when the youngest went to nursery. They can’t offer me full time hours at the moment in a way which would work with my childcare options.

I suggested getting a cleaner every other week so that there was leeway for me to do the other things that inevitably need doing on some Fridays.

and yeah, I’d rather get a haircut on a Friday so I’m not taking time away from my family at the weekend to do this?

OP posts:
Gowlett · 07/02/2025 19:23

I’m beginning to realise that all of my friends who have a nice house, must have a cleaner… I didn’t know how common it is!

There was me thinking that I’m just not doing enough at home. But I literally never sit down! This thread is an eye-opener.

TulipCat · 07/02/2025 19:24

I work PT and have a cleaner because I want a clean house but don't like cleaning. I find in general that the people in any household saying a cleaner isn't needed are almost always not the ones doing the cleaning.

Original poster
PineMarti · 07/02/2025 19:24

PineMarti · 07/02/2025 19:22

Actually I went up to four days from three when the youngest went to nursery. They can’t offer me full time hours at the moment in a way which would work with my childcare options.

I suggested getting a cleaner every other week so that there was leeway for me to do the other things that inevitably need doing on some Fridays.

and yeah, I’d rather get a haircut on a Friday so I’m not taking time away from my family at the weekend to do this?

Show quote history

I feel obliged to do it now because he seems to think it’s some sort of crazy indulgence!

OP posts:
MimiSunshine · 07/02/2025 19:24

where I work 35 hours a week is full time (1hr lunch on top unpaid) so you only work 3 hours less but it just seems more because you have a full day off.

tell him you’ll do the equivalent of 1/3 of of the cleaning and he can do the rest ac you’re sacrificing your lunch break to do pick ups etc. plus picking up after him.

i bet he soon changed his tune.

Moonandstars90 · 07/02/2025 19:24

I work Monday to Thursday 8:30 - 3:30. We pay a family member who has their own cleaning business to come every other week at the moment which works for us. Our children are reception and nursery age, so it really helps! My little one is home with me on a Friday, so not much gets done. 😆 It means I can enjoy the weekend and only have to do a quick clean. You’re definitely not being unreasonable and I’d go for it!

itsjustbiology · 07/02/2025 19:26

Outsource everything you can OP. Cleaner, gardener and laundry services. It will free up time for all of you as a family. That is the true benefit to quality time together. You do enough.Look upon it as an investment for all the family.It will be the best money you can spend,

SecondMrsTanqueray · 07/02/2025 19:35

Unless money is tight, get a cleaner.

Even when I was a SAHM, we had a cleaner. I have no interest in cleaning.

Renthorrorshow · 07/02/2025 19:36

I think anything over 30 hours is classed as full time so I would definitely stop referring to yourself as working part time OP! Just wanted to give you a heads up that taking your lunch break at the end of an 8 hour shift probably isn't legal - 6 hours without a break is the max I think - so keep that arrangement as quiet as you can. And definitely get that cleaner! Let the people who actually like doing it and are good at it make some money while you do something more enjoyable.

ApiratesaysYarrr · 07/02/2025 19:37

I'm in 2 minds here. Yes, it would be nice to have a cleaner (and it's not going to put you into financial hardship), but you've actually shifted the goalposts from your previous agreement with your husband. You'd both agreed that you would reduce your hours to help with household stuff, and now you are saying that you want to have self care time ( as well as family admin, I mean, how long does it take to choose some gifts in this day and age when you can do so much online?) in that as well and pay someone else to do household tasks. There is nothing wrong with you doing that inherently, but that's not what the two of you agreed, is it?

If the positions were reversed and it was a wife posting about how her husband had agreed to drop one day work so that they could get on top of household stuff but was suggesting a cleaner, you'd get some different answers

Also, if you start work at 7, who is taking your kids to nursery/daycare? If your husband is doing all the drop offs and you are doing all the pick ups, that would fit with your work patterns. Although your husband works what sounds like long hours, it doesn't mean that in 1 day you have to do 100% of the housework

Original poster
PineMarti · 07/02/2025 19:38

Renthorrorshow · 07/02/2025 19:36

I think anything over 30 hours is classed as full time so I would definitely stop referring to yourself as working part time OP! Just wanted to give you a heads up that taking your lunch break at the end of an 8 hour shift probably isn't legal - 6 hours without a break is the max I think - so keep that arrangement as quiet as you can. And definitely get that cleaner! Let the people who actually like doing it and are good at it make some money while you do something more enjoyable.

I do get another 15 minute break earlier in the day 🤣 I think I’d keel over otherwise

OP posts:
BreezyScroller · 07/02/2025 19:38

PineMarti · 07/02/2025 19:24

I feel obliged to do it now because he seems to think it’s some sort of crazy indulgence!

Show quote history

I can't stand people who are being martyr. Pretty much everything is a "crazy indulgence" nowadays, the shame.

Let's all move back into caves with no running water, it's so much more fun to survive miserably, only work to pay the bills with not a penny left for non-essentials.

where do I sign for that wonderful life.

avocadotofu · 07/02/2025 19:38

I work three days a week and we have a cleaner and also get our groceries delivered, which is also a big time saver! So, I'd definitely go for it!

scorpiogirly · 07/02/2025 19:39

To be fair 32 hours is only 5 odd hours off what my workplace classes as full time. So I don't really think you're working part time at all.

BreezyScroller · 07/02/2025 19:40

ApiratesaysYarrr · 07/02/2025 19:37

I'm in 2 minds here. Yes, it would be nice to have a cleaner (and it's not going to put you into financial hardship), but you've actually shifted the goalposts from your previous agreement with your husband. You'd both agreed that you would reduce your hours to help with household stuff, and now you are saying that you want to have self care time ( as well as family admin, I mean, how long does it take to choose some gifts in this day and age when you can do so much online?) in that as well and pay someone else to do household tasks. There is nothing wrong with you doing that inherently, but that's not what the two of you agreed, is it?

If the positions were reversed and it was a wife posting about how her husband had agreed to drop one day work so that they could get on top of household stuff but was suggesting a cleaner, you'd get some different answers

Also, if you start work at 7, who is taking your kids to nursery/daycare? If your husband is doing all the drop offs and you are doing all the pick ups, that would fit with your work patterns. Although your husband works what sounds like long hours, it doesn't mean that in 1 day you have to do 100% of the housework

i see your point, but it's their life, not a race to the bottom.

Yes the OP is freeing some time during the week, and frankly not a lot.
It saves her husband from doing the cleaning himself, and might give them a chance to do something at the weekend, and for him to take a few hours for himself during the weekend - which is only fair.

It will benefit him too

Original poster
PineMarti · 07/02/2025 19:40

ApiratesaysYarrr · 07/02/2025 19:37

I'm in 2 minds here. Yes, it would be nice to have a cleaner (and it's not going to put you into financial hardship), but you've actually shifted the goalposts from your previous agreement with your husband. You'd both agreed that you would reduce your hours to help with household stuff, and now you are saying that you want to have self care time ( as well as family admin, I mean, how long does it take to choose some gifts in this day and age when you can do so much online?) in that as well and pay someone else to do household tasks. There is nothing wrong with you doing that inherently, but that's not what the two of you agreed, is it?

If the positions were reversed and it was a wife posting about how her husband had agreed to drop one day work so that they could get on top of household stuff but was suggesting a cleaner, you'd get some different answers

Also, if you start work at 7, who is taking your kids to nursery/daycare? If your husband is doing all the drop offs and you are doing all the pick ups, that would fit with your work patterns. Although your husband works what sounds like long hours, it doesn't mean that in 1 day you have to do 100% of the housework

I have already answered a similar post to this. I have actually increased my hours from 3 to 4 days when my youngest went to nursery, so we are financially better.

He does do the school run for two of those days and the other days he drops the kids off with my mum about 7.30 and she takes them to school. I leave the house at 5.45.

OP posts:
BreezyScroller · 07/02/2025 19:42

All SAHM (the ones who WANT to!) should have a cleaner anyway.

It would help to stop people considering them like housemaids.

Nothing wrong with cleaning, but it's completely irrelevant how many hours you spend in an office.

Cheeseismyfavourite · 07/02/2025 19:44

I work the exact same hours and days as you and we have a cleaner bi weekly. The littlest is off with me on a Friday though and we do a toddler group.

The other 4 days are a hard slog, doing a full days work then a good 4 hours solo parenting after, club runs homework etc. it also means as you have the children all the time you can’t book any appointments. My husband can just pop here and there afterwork as he doesn’t have the kids.

if you can afford it go for it!

heroinechic · 07/02/2025 19:46

When you said that the original idea was that you would use your day off to get on top of things in the house I assumed that you had dropped a day, but really whether you dropped a day or not was not the point, the point was that you probably feel obliged because you had agreed with him that you would spend that time off getting on top of things.

And I do think that working part time and having a cleaner is an indulgence, especially if your day off is child free. I work part time to look after my DD (and soon to be DS). I get on top of the house around her naps and in my evenings. I would consider getting a cleaner an indulgence because I'm available to do these things.

I can obviously see why you'd rather swan around getting your hair cut, I think we all would, and if you can easily afford it I can also see the temptation, but I can also see why your DH would think it's a waste of money!

BIossomtoes · 07/02/2025 19:47

I can’t get over him saying he’s not going to pay for a cleaner. Surely both of you would pay? I’d be tempted to not do any housework for a few weeks and when he eventually notices point out that there’s an obvious solution if he doesn’t want a cleaner - he can do it.