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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To hire a cleaner when working PT?

88 replies

PineMarti · 07/02/2025 18:51

I work 32 hours a week (7-3, 4 days a week) and have one weekday off.

Originally the idea was my day off (Friday) would be the day I get on top of stuff at home. I normally do the weekly shop, clean the bathroom, get on top of the laundry etc. But actually I have found it’s great to have a few kid free hours to do things like go for a haircut, get gifts/do wrapping if we have things coming up, so sometimes I don’t get everything done. It really is easier.

I suggested we get a cleaner. just a few hours every other week to do things like blitz the bathroom and do a good mop.. DHs reply was “I am NOT paying for a cleaner when there’s a day you can so those things at home”

Just to give you an idea of my week:
I technically work 7- 3.30 but take my lunch break at the end of shift and leave to get the kids (nursery and KS1 ages) so often I don’t have lunch. I drive the 45 minutes home, feed them, bathe them, homework, bedtime all before DH is home. I am knackered before he has even stepped through the door (and hangry 😂) I have one evening a week where I go to the gym 7-9 and he does bedtimes.

Am I being really selfish or would you get a cleaner in these circumstances?

OP posts:
RebeccaRedhat · 07/02/2025 19:49

I don't work and I have a cleaner every week!

Ygfrhj · 07/02/2025 19:51

Just get the cleaner. I have no desire to clean my house any more than I want to cut my own hair or sew my own clothes. A good cleaner will do a better and faster job anyway. Also stop picking up after your husband.

Original poster
PineMarti · 07/02/2025 19:51

I don’t swan around and do anything. I’m a nurse, I don’t think anything is beneath me. Like I’ve said I don’t mind doing it but having a “buffer” is really helpful too.

If I was a mum who never got a hair cut I would be accused of not taking pride in myself and letting myself go (I mean I only go like every 10-12 weeks anyway? It was just an example) jeez.

OP posts:
FallOfSloths · 07/02/2025 19:55

Can you take youngest out of nursery on Friday? He gets dedicated time with you, and then frees up money for a cleaner?

You need to work on equal free time. If you're day off is now time off for you, then that's fine if DH is getting equal time to himself. Sounds like he may well be if he's not lifting a finger once he's home!

Techno56 · 07/02/2025 19:59

When I worked part time (I'm full time now and we still do) we had a cleaner because my husband didn't want to take part in keeping the house clean. I have a chronic health condition and it made it hard for me to get everything done without feeling unwell. He didn't want a cleaner either, going into our bedroom etc. He was given two options, clean or have a cleaner. He didn't give an answer so I got a cleaner and I take the money out of his bank account for it too. He got used to it.

Psychologymam · 07/02/2025 19:59

PineMarti · 07/02/2025 19:12

I don’t mind doing it but I don’t like feeling obliged to do it. He seems to see as a waste of money when I’m at home and could do it?

I would just like to have a few hours to go for a haircut without having to sacrifice a clean bathroom tbh!

Edited
Show quote history

Look up fair play (designed by psychologists!). It really teases out all the tasks in your life and you look at them and see how you balance them fairly/or outsource them and looks at how much “me time” both of you get as it sounds unbalanced at the moment.
If you can afford a cleaner then why not make life easier?

Retrospeaker · 07/02/2025 20:00

I work three days a week, have one day with DS (3.5) and one by myself and I have a cleaner every fortnight. I bloody love it. Do it xx

zoemum2006 · 07/02/2025 20:05

I think your DH is taking the mick! Why does he get away with not doing anything?

It sounds like the housework/ kids should be split 60/40. You having one extra day a week doesn't give him complete abdication from domestic responsibilities (if he wants that he CAN pay for it!!)

lazyarse123 · 07/02/2025 20:06

Stop putting his clothes away for a start. His big man job is not more important or tiring than your essential job.
He's being an arse if that wasn't clear.

MinnieMountain · 07/02/2025 20:11

I work 21 hours a week, DH works FT. We have a cleaner. We can afford it, so why not?

daysfilledwithdappledlight · 07/02/2025 20:13

You shouldn't have to justify having a cleaner - all it comes down to is if you can afford it - which you can!

Again, if you can afford it, why not outsource the jobs that you can. Time is the biggest luxury in life and good for you trying to prioritise how you spend it.

People that don't work at all don't justify having cleaners if they want them, but hearing the work you do and the hours that you put in I can't understand why anyone would resent you delegating one household task a fortnight.

Hope you win this battle so you're carrying one less load!

crankytoes · 07/02/2025 20:29

ApiratesaysYarrr · 07/02/2025 19:37

I'm in 2 minds here. Yes, it would be nice to have a cleaner (and it's not going to put you into financial hardship), but you've actually shifted the goalposts from your previous agreement with your husband. You'd both agreed that you would reduce your hours to help with household stuff, and now you are saying that you want to have self care time ( as well as family admin, I mean, how long does it take to choose some gifts in this day and age when you can do so much online?) in that as well and pay someone else to do household tasks. There is nothing wrong with you doing that inherently, but that's not what the two of you agreed, is it?

If the positions were reversed and it was a wife posting about how her husband had agreed to drop one day work so that they could get on top of household stuff but was suggesting a cleaner, you'd get some different answers

Also, if you start work at 7, who is taking your kids to nursery/daycare? If your husband is doing all the drop offs and you are doing all the pick ups, that would fit with your work patterns. Although your husband works what sounds like long hours, it doesn't mean that in 1 day you have to do 100% of the housework

You've made up quite a lot of stuff here 🫤
They didn't agree to her dropping a day so she could do housework. She increased a day from 3-4 days when their youngest went to nursery/school

There was not some big negotiation that involved her dropping days to do the housework. Where did you get that from?

She leaves home at 5:45. She finishes when the dc are in bed. Four days a week. That's a full week
The fifth day is doing the afternoon child stuff and domestic admin including shopping. How would she get the whole week's worth of housework done around that.

He doesn't even put his clothes away 😑

Loveumagenta · 07/02/2025 20:32

Get a cleaner. Stop picking up after your DH like he’s a toddler.
my FT hours are 34 a week BTW.
I LOVE coming home to a clean house once a week AND life is too short to want bathroom floors if you don’t have to.
I used to be a cleaner. Still fucking hate cleaning.

calishire · 07/02/2025 20:44

I'm working a few hours at the weekend and we have a cleaner bi-weekly. She was once a month since I had a baby last year and we just increased. So you don't need to justify it. I have an active baby and still don't have time to fit in all the cleaning 🤷🏻‍♀️

BreezyScroller · 07/02/2025 21:18

heroinechic · 07/02/2025 19:46

When you said that the original idea was that you would use your day off to get on top of things in the house I assumed that you had dropped a day, but really whether you dropped a day or not was not the point, the point was that you probably feel obliged because you had agreed with him that you would spend that time off getting on top of things.

And I do think that working part time and having a cleaner is an indulgence, especially if your day off is child free. I work part time to look after my DD (and soon to be DS). I get on top of the house around her naps and in my evenings. I would consider getting a cleaner an indulgence because I'm available to do these things.

I can obviously see why you'd rather swan around getting your hair cut, I think we all would, and if you can easily afford it I can also see the temptation, but I can also see why your DH would think it's a waste of money!

you sound bitter! 😂

get on top of the house around her naps and in my evenings.
think of all the more interesting and rewarding things you could be doing. Some people exercise, meet friends, study, do art, achieve interesting things. If you are happy doing the housework, go for it, but don't judge other people.

Wasting time on MN is also an indulgence, don't you feel guilty about that?

Wavescrashingonthebeach · 07/02/2025 21:20

Tell him he can do the cleaning on his day off

Mopeygeorge · 07/02/2025 21:32

I am a SAHM and I have a cleaner. I have 1.5 days when my DD is in nursery and I still have a cleaner. Sometimes I have a cleaning / sorting frenzy on my days 'off', sometimes I meet friends for coffee or do a puzzle or go back to bed - and I STILL think having a cleaner is justified.

I take on the majority of the childcare 24/7, just like it sounds you do. Not just in 'work hours', but in the evenings, weekends and overnight as well. My DH works hard at his job but does not clean, or tidy. If he isn't going to do his share of the work when he's here, then he must pay someone else to do it, I am not a servant and I deserve a break too, and I also deserve to live in a clean home. As do you.

Gingerwarthog · 07/02/2025 21:35

Get a cleaner. Plus go to the gym on your day off and spend a good portion of that time in the sauna or the cafe. Justify it To yourself (if you have to) as payback for years of picking up clothes and getting by on one evening a week to yourself. Fake righteous indignation if challenged. Make a fuss over any hobbies/ expensive food and drink he likes and say you're not paying for that.
Good luck

heroinechic · 07/02/2025 22:05

@BreezyScroller it's humorous that you would tell me I sound bitter, and then also tell me not to judge others.

I'm not bitter at all, I feel privileged to work part time. I do that because we can afford it, not because I'm forced to.

Outsourcing help when you have the time/ability to do it yourself is a privilege and it's ignorant to pretend that it isn't. Most people in this country can't afford to pay a cleaner while they're working full time and raising children. The fact that it's a privilege doesn't mean it's wrong to enjoy it, but it's odd to pretend that it isn't.

As I said before, I can see why it's appealing to the OP, but I can also see why her DH thinks it's a bit daft.

dazzlingdeborahrose · 08/02/2025 08:48

I work 23 hours a week and a cleaner comes in twice a week for two hours each time. I do some cleaning at the same time or I do the food shop or have my hair done. We both consider it money well spent. I don't expect him to split housework 50/50 but I do expect an equal amount of free time for leisure. Of course my husband also started paying into an ISA (in my name) to cover my pension shortfall which is how a partnership should work.
Could you get someone to come in once a month and give the kitchen and bathrooms a really good deep clean. Then it's just a case of keeping on top if it the rest of the time.
I'd keep a time sheet of all the tasks you do and how long it takes to do them. I swear to god most men have no idea!

Caroparo52 · 08/02/2025 08:52

Get the cleaner. You work so you can live and that living includes downtime for you. Don't even discuss with dh. Executive decision.

MissUltraViolet · 08/02/2025 08:58

I don’t think you’re being fair to yourself by describing your hours as part time. I was expecting 16-20 hours a week. You’re pretty much full time.

Get the cleaner and get DH to do more. Do whatever you need to do to make your life easier with your FULL time job and doing most the childcare on top of that.

SnapdragonToadflax · 08/02/2025 09:00

I work four days (but full time hours) and have a cleaner every two weeks. The school day is so short - on my day 'off' by the time I've done some exercise, put the laundry that's built up from the week away, done whatever errands need doing and chipped away at some jobs on the to do list, it's time to pick up. It's also useful to have that time for GP/dentist/vet/hair appointments if necessary.

It's so lovely knowing the house is always in a reasonable state if someone comes over unexpectedly. Obviously I still clean between cleans, but I'm not scrubbing the bathroom.

I certainly wouldn't be picking up after a grown man though - even my six year old gets told to pick up after himself.

WonderingWanda · 08/02/2025 09:03

Make a very clear half and half chores list that means you will essentially be responsible for things impacting you....your washing, cleaning your bathroom etc. Pay whoever you want to help you with your half and point blank refuse to do his. What a twat!

Truth25 · 08/02/2025 09:05

I'm a sahm and I have a cleaner😅 if you can afford it do it. My dh also works a very stressful job and long hours but he feels bad about that , and realises that I am not the family slave. He does more than enough when he's around but I do the rest of it most of the times. I sort the kids, dinner, school stuff and tidy if I can. The rest is done by our cleaner. Also I do need time for myself too.