To hire a cleaner when working PT?

[PineMarti]

I work 32 hours a week (7-3, 4 days a week) and have one weekday off.

Originally the idea was my day off (Friday) would be the day I get on top of stuff at home. I normally do the weekly shop, clean the bathroom, get on top of the laundry etc. But actually I have found it’s great to have a few kid free hours to do things like go for a haircut, get gifts/do wrapping if we have things coming up, so sometimes I don’t get everything done. It really is easier.

I suggested we get a cleaner. just a few hours every other week to do things like blitz the bathroom and do a good mop.. DHs reply was “I am NOT paying for a cleaner when there’s a day you can so those things at home”

Just to give you an idea of my week:
I technically work 7- 3.30 but take my lunch break at the end of shift and leave to get the kids (nursery and KS1 ages) so often I don’t have lunch. I drive the 45 minutes home, feed them, bathe them, homework, bedtime all before DH is home. I am knackered before he has even stepped through the door (and hangry 😂) I have one evening a week where I go to the gym 7-9 and he does bedtimes.

Am I being really selfish or would you get a cleaner in these circumstances?

Same exact situation with us. I am not the family skivvy, I need time for myself too.

I would try a little experiment if I were you. People who don’t do the task have no idea how long the task takes. For a few weeks I would only do the cleaning on your day at home. But I wouldn’t do anything else for the household. That can be done at the weekend and DH can help, right?

I think sometimes men want a sense they are getting “value for money” when their wives work PT. He will have no idea how much you do behind the scenes. I have two school days each week (let’s say 6 hour blocks) and I still have days when I don’t sit down other than for lunch.

Life admin, decluttering, sorting kids outgrown clothes,ringing people up about stuff, facilitating things like the plumber, taking the car for its service, etc. This is all “Cat can do that on her day at home” territory. We have a child with additional needs so I don’t get evenings to relax, and I also have to deal with stuff for him in the day, school meetings sometimes, etc. Trying to get ahead in advance of my working days.

Funnily enough, the house isn’t much cleaner! I sometimes feel working PT is the worst and best of both worlds, as you can’t do everything you want at work or at home but people still expect you to.

Tell him the cleaner is part of his contribution to the household chores.

Write out your average working week and see who has the most leisure. Sounds like he has two hours or so a day of commuting time to himself and you have zilch.

Just get the cleaner. You both earn, why does he think it's him paying and approving the idea? He doesn't want to clean so he doesn't. You don't want to clean so dh gets to decide. How does that work?

What is he doing on his commute to London? Is he on the train watching Netflix or is he working the whole time?

Anyway, that isn't the main point here - he is doing the bare minimum at home, not even being 'helpful' and not even putting his clothes away! As if your job as a nurse is easy!!! That has got to stop. You both need to have the same amount of working time (by which I include childcare, housework, organising gifts etc.) and the same amount of leisure time. I hope that if you work that out, he'll see that a cleaner helps you both out.

You've also said that having a cleaner wouldn't break the bank at all which boggles my mind as why does this even need to be a long conversation to start with! It's like he doesn't like the idea of you in any way feeling slightly more relaxed or happy.

If you can afford it you should do it. I work 28hrs and have a cleaner, only 2hrs a fortnight but it makes a huge difference. For all the reasons you have listed.

Me and dp used the alternate the 'big clean' between us each week, but it's a drag, £60 a month is completely worth it. There's lots of things I'd sacrifice now before the cleaner.

I started off paying for it because it was me who wanted it, and it felt like a luxury. No dp sees the benefit and now we treat it as any other household bill.

Sounds as though you are doing a double working day on each of the other four days, whilst he just works one, so yes you should definitely have some time “off” on your NWD. Not that it ought to be as transactional as that.

And it’s not a whole day anyway if you have to pick up the kids from 2, it’s a half day “off”.

He needs to buck up his ideas about how much he needs to contribute around the house and in terms of picking up after himself.

You aren’t a resource that needs to be “running” every second for him to get his money’s worth!

Could you alternatively change your working life so that you do have time to have a lunch break and don’t start so incredibly early? Those other four days sound exhausting. I’d do five normal days which would actually be easier and get a cleaner.

I work full time but have a housekeeper. It's a game changer - lets me have a life outside of work and kids, I don't have to worry about cleaning, ironing etc.

If you can afford it, Go for it.

Yep get a cleaner 100%

You're not really working part time are you? You're in paid employment part time.
Get a cleaner if it will make life easier and more enjoyable. Otherwise all tasks get a time allocated and husband can do his share.

Don’t feel guilty. Dont justify it. You have the money and you want to do it - get the cleaner! (I’m between cleaners at the moment and it’s killing me, lol).

I would get the cleaner. I work 27.5 hours a week and we have a cleaner fortnightly for 2 hours. Just knowing that the kitchen and bathrooms are getting done properly every fortnight is a big relief and it definitely helps us keep on top of it as a busy working family

How much you work or don't is irrelevant. If you can afford a cleaner and it will make life easier then absolutely. Life's too short. If we can We all should be maximising enjoying our time however that looks like to us. (Within reason obviously im not talking about being selfish or neglecting other areas of life/people)

Your husband however seems like a bigger issue. He seems to think cleaning is your domain hence it would be "your" cleaner. That would lead me to think he isn't pulling his weight in your life together and I'd personally feel he didn't view me as equal to him.