To report being approached by homeless people in supermarket car park

[kiwiquickly]

My local large supermarket has a car park (no coverings/roof). I go to this supermarket maybe once a month. I think maybe 40% of the time I am approached by a homeless person in the car park. Today, just as I'd parked up in the parent&child bay, a man knocked on the car window which immediately startled me. I think I am a bit over-nervous about these things but I usually lock the car doors immediately after I get in. He shouted loudly if he could speak to me. I said no, and he said please to which I said no again. He then walked off, but I was too nervous to take out DD and go to the lockers. We were there to use the Amazon lockers which are outside in the car park and I was worried I might have annoyed the man by refusing to speak to him and felt best that we didn't loiter. So we didn't get out of the car and drove away. Ordinarily I would not want to report something like this as I do feel for homeless people. They have nowhere to go, they're probably making whatever they can to survive and a car park probably does get a good footfall. But today it felt intimidating.

AIBU to report it to the supermarket and ask for more security presence outside?

Edit to add: I haven't already reported it. I am thinking of doing it. But will only do it if the consensus is that it is a fair thing to do.

What are you scared of exactly? He doesn’t sound threatening?

I would have just got out the car and went about my business.
I am quite brave by Mumsnet standards though

I don't know what exactly I'm scared of. But I suppose my immediate feelings towards any stranger that approaches me is NOT to be trusting. Maybe that's quite sad, but if it is someone that looks like they're a drug user/homeless I do feel nervous about being mugged or attacked. I just don't know. Even more so nervous if with my toddler.

I think the thing that felt threatening is he came up to the car and knocked on the window.

The aim of asking for increased security presence in the car park is to hopefully deter people loitering there and then that would decrease how often customers are approached.

I do feel extra vulnerable in a car park with toddler AND laden with shopping bags. Having to get her in her car seat, with doors unlocked, shopping still to put into car etc. It isn't just that it was a homeless person that was male.

Being approached by a random man in a secluded place who insisted he “had to talk to you”, with your child in the car, wouldn’t put you at ill ease?

An average but determined man can generally overpower even the strongest of women. It’s not a case of “not standing up for yourself”.

OP the supermarket is unlikely to do anything about it unfortunately. Vote with your feet and use alternative lockers.

I would report to the supermarket. I would also feel threatened if my children were
with me. I wouldn’t be too bothered if alone and it was daylight etc but then I’m pretty tall and strong so I wouldn’t immediately feel physically threatened. But with kids in tow I absolutely would have done the same as you. Can’t believe others disagree!!!

Reading into your post a bit, OP, it sounds like it's putting you off the supermarket. You didn't feel safe using the Amazon lockers the way you'd intended to and even if it didn't make you feel unsafe it makes your experience less pleasant and if things get worse (knocking on your car window sounds like fairly aggressive begging by my standards) you're likely to thinking about going elsewhere/avoiding going as often.

If this is the case, then letting the supermarket know that is reasonable. They are likely to want to know if things are putting customers off using them.

Report it. You have every reason to feel physically unsafe in this situation and I’m not sure why people are trying to tell you otherwise. Ask for increased security in the carpark.
This is one of the reasons people end up buying into gated communities, because they are tired of feeling unsafe while being told everything is fine.

This happens in my town. Ive been to the following store around five times then stopped going. Its discussed freely locally as somewhere to avoid.

The local supermarket has aggressive beggars sitting or standing in the doorways. They often have physical fights in the car park. Often with men getting groceries who've voiced objections by telling the homeless men to get a job.
Often with each other.

The supermarket ignored two emails from me. So I mentioned it to security. There has been many complaints, he said.
He told me that
recent developments are stolen deliveroo scooters racing round the car park driven by the same crowd.
Once abandoned the
shop has to take the scooters in for the police to collect.

The security men are at their wits end because they have no police powers.
The police are no threat as the aggressor can be long gone if /when the police arrive.

I was surprised to learn that the car park is not owned by the supermarket so anyone causing trouble can do so right up to the boundary, the sliding doors of entry. Car park problems are a police issue. Unless someone is in the shop its not a shop issue. Hopefully different for your shop.

You should complain. I totally understand your reaction, I'd have felt unsafe too. I once worked in a town which had similar situation with homeless people in the car park, they ended up robbing someone violently so your apprehension is 100% justified. Coming up and knocking on your window is too much

I know how you feel. There is a 6ft odd homeless man who does this at a couple of store car parks where I shop.

I dread going as I know I am going to be approached, the second I arrive in the carpark. "I'M HOMELESS. YOU GOT ANY MONEY"

It is intimidating, but I just say I don't carry cash'

I can understand how with kids you would feel vulnerable, and I don't feel this way with homeless people in general, but this approach is intimidating. Funnily enough, I've never seen him do this to men who pull up in their cars.

Blimey, is the MN bar that low?

.....why would you report him? For what? Being homeless? He asked to speak to you, you said no, he left. He didn't threaten or harass you. Okay so he shouted. He was probably just trying to get your attention.

Knocking on people's car windows and repeatedly asking to speak to them, when they clearly don't want to, is definitely intrusive and could be threatening to some.

He walked up and banged on her car window.

In what world is that normal? If you were in your car with your child and a strange man started banging on your window, you’d be totally fine about it?

Always trust your instincts. Tell the supermarket, what harm could it do?

Rightly or wrongly, I feel the exact same. I am very very nervous of people approaching me in the street.

We have a right to feel safe; I’ve been chased down a blind alley at the local hospital - is that okay if it a homeless beggar? I think not.

We have homeless people in the local supermarket car parks. People give them money/food/drink. Them accessing the car park wouldn't bother me but knocking on my car would. I would report it to the supermarket.

I’m not a normally particularly anxious or wary but I definitely felt intimidated in a similar situation. I was sitting in my car outside the supermarket eating a snack and checking emails and two blokes knocked on the window and wanted to talk to me. I shook my head and locked my door and they walked away. I think they were chuggers or maybe spreading the word of god or something as they were smartly dressed, but I don’t know for sure. They were approaching other people too. Potentially quite innocent but it felt like a violation of my space - probably because they were so close to me and towering over me. I didn’t like it at all but I guess they wouldn’t have realised how it might come across.

He might have been if OP suspected mental health issues and /or drugs. My uncle was homeless for over a year once caused by a drug addiction and terrible mental health caused by the drugs (psychosis). I was scared to death of him as he was unstable. There's lots of care in the community failures that lead to other people like my uncle not getting treatment and ending up living rough.

Not true - I've mentioned my uncle upthread. He was homeless due to drug addiction and psychosis. One moment he was nice to me, the next he thought I was a spy out to kill him (or whatever). He was dangerous.

You're so naive. OP was right to leave especially with a toddler with her. Drugs, alcohol and mental health problems can be common in homeless people.

I’m not a scaredy cat by anyone’s standards but I would definitely have been unnerved by that and more than likely would have driven away. I bet he doesn’t do that to men, interesting that he’s hanging about the mother and child space's.

I'm inclined to agree. As women we are always advised to listen to our instincts more rather than just being nice all the time. I have tremendous sympathy for the homeless but harassing a woman on her own with a child is not on. Would he have done it if it was a man? Unlikely. We've all walked past the homeless on the street , the vibe might be different if they started walking up to you on the street and asking you directly for money which could be seen as being intimidating. How the op feels is a legitimate concern.

While the supermarket is unlikely to put security on for this reason there is no harm telling them about it. They may have a relationship with the homeless ( possibly giving them out of date products or something) and be able to.say that they have to stop haranguing customers or they will be asked to move on.