To report being approached by homeless people in supermarket car park

[kiwiquickly]

My local large supermarket has a car park (no coverings/roof). I go to this supermarket maybe once a month. I think maybe 40% of the time I am approached by a homeless person in the car park. Today, just as I'd parked up in the parent&child bay, a man knocked on the car window which immediately startled me. I think I am a bit over-nervous about these things but I usually lock the car doors immediately after I get in. He shouted loudly if he could speak to me. I said no, and he said please to which I said no again. He then walked off, but I was too nervous to take out DD and go to the lockers. We were there to use the Amazon lockers which are outside in the car park and I was worried I might have annoyed the man by refusing to speak to him and felt best that we didn't loiter. So we didn't get out of the car and drove away. Ordinarily I would not want to report something like this as I do feel for homeless people. They have nowhere to go, they're probably making whatever they can to survive and a car park probably does get a good footfall. But today it felt intimidating.

AIBU to report it to the supermarket and ask for more security presence outside?

Edit to add: I haven't already reported it. I am thinking of doing it. But will only do it if the consensus is that it is a fair thing to do.

No one is saying that she wants to go to an urban area and never have to speak to another human. What a ridiculous extrapolation.

He didn't just ask a question. He went up to a woman in her car, knocked on her window and did not accept the first time she said no. That's intimidating, and it is obvious that he is going to ask for money. He doesn't just want to pass the time of day or have a friendly chat, does he?

There's a homeless man who spends time outside a local supermarket near me. He's, a lovely young lad who's got paranoid schizophrenia. We give him money, buy him food and stop for a chat, because he's a person enduring a horrific illness on a freezing cold floor.

There but for the grace of god...

He was right at her window. The shouting was therefore not to get her attention. It was likely to be to intimidate or embarrass her into handing over money. The guy likely wouldn’t have treated another man like this. So yes, report him. He shouldn’t be harassing customers in a private car park.

If people doing their shopping are feeling intimidated and put off going about their business, regardless of the actual threat posed, that’s not ok.

I would make the supermarket aware. Also tell your local homeless charity that it’s happening. They might intervene by redirecting the people to their services.

Most men know that approaching a woman they don't know to ask for anything can be perceived as worrying. If a man has a genuine need to ask for directions, help with something etc he can ask other men or he can ask in the store.

Men approaching strange women should be regarded with scepticism. It is quite likely he intends to intimidate and you are right to avoid him. I would notify the store. If they get a few complaints they might find a way to make their car park feel safer.

... and that's absolutely fine. What is not fine is going up to a car of a lone woman, knocking on the window and shouting.

But he’s not shouting at you or banging on your windows like the guy op describes.

If the car park is managed by a private company, also tell them.

Car park is private land owned by supermarket and therefore can be covered by their security. He didn’t just ask a question. He banged on her window, he shouted at her, he wouldn’t take no for an answer. Unacceptable. Supermarket can stop it.

I don't think this is normal behaviour. It's weird and intimidating.

For anyone who thinks it's normal and OK: when was the last time you watched a complete stranger park a car in a legal space, and then before they had a chance to get out you went over and knocked on their car window and asked (shouting) to talk to them? And didn't take no for an answer?

As previos posters have said: I bet he doesn't do this to men.

What do you think he wanted to talk to her about? It's very assertive

It does put people off shopping in areas where this happens so I think it’s fair enough to complain to the supermarket.

We have a homeless man who does this in the car park of a retail park and he also knocks on the window of the car before you get out. Maybe he has worked out he is more likely to get money that way.

I always feel bad for homeless people and sometimes give them money. If I do I worry about whether I should have and if I don’t I worry about them not getting any money all day! I feel guilty for saying no but actually I don’t want to be hassled for money when I am out shopping especially with the children.

I think it's clear people on here have very different life experiences. We feel fear for different reasons. I go out running alone at night & often pass men doing the same/walking dogs/changing tyres etc. I am ALWAYS wary. I am polite, will talk to someone who stops me looking for directions etc but in reality women always need to be aware that when out alone you are at risk. Any man who would approach a lone female & young child, at night, is worth being wary of & what would the advice be if this woman had been attacked? It would be why did you open the door/window, why didn't you drive away etc. Women are always in the wrong regardless, the OP is NOT at fault yet some people seem determined to tell her she was wrong to be frightened. Probably other women too.

Yes, I would report it to the security - that’s what they’re there for.

This happened to me at Christmas time and I was with my adult DD. Just got into the car and he came up and knocked on the window. I felt quite intimidated even though he didn't 'do' anything other than invade my space.

I wouldn't have got out of the car if I'd just arrived rather than just leaving.

I would report. Security can move him on.

I would definitely report this. The fact he is homeless is largely irrelevant. If any man knocked on your window and demanded to speak to you, it would be concerning. Sadly, women have to protect themselves. I would report it in this way - a man is harassing you rather than a homeless man.

I live in london so i'm pretty immune to "colourful" characters. I wouldnt like the knocking on the window tbh, ive had it a lot in car parks where they just approach me but i always say no

Do report it, with the threat to shop somewhere else. While it is hard for supermarkets to much about this, they will follow the money: if they believe that something like this is frightening customers away, they may do something, for example by patrolling car parks. This may appear "pointless" in itself, as there's a limit to what they can actually do, but sometimes the presence of security staff can have an effect.

Seeing homeless people around is a sad fact of life, although it shouldn't be. There's a spot I walk past where the regulars have dropped the line "spare some change, please", and now say "God bless" to everyone who passes. I've sometimes seen several people talking to whoever is there, which I have not seen anywhere else. There are also those who "work" the underground, with their well-rehearsed speeches, some of which I know by heart. It's a well-known fact that some homeless people are in gangs, sent there by somebody else and picked up by car at the end of their shift, but I'm not sure how to tell them apart from those who are genuinely homeless.

It is crossing a line into intimidation when they start invading your space by banging on windows; and as others have said, they can be robbers in disguise, so of course we have a right to feel nervous. There are things which beggars used to do, which I haven't seen so much in the last ten or twenty years: the car window washers, for example, who would wash the windows of cars at traffic lights without asking, and then aggressively demand payment. My mum says that one such man kissed her. My DH says that he remembers times when, as a young man, beggars or charity collectors (before the age of regulated "chuggers", armed with their lanyards and clipboards) made him feel uneasy, for example by pursuing him, and grabbing his hand when he ignored them. He also recalls school trips in France, where if their party was seated outside McDonalds, the child beggars would descend, and would tug at people until they were given money. (His fellow pupils would mutter "look at their pristine trainers!")

I’m pretty robust and I’m not “scared of poor people” or “men”.But if I feel intimidated and have children with me then I’m not willing to take risk and I don’t care if I’m perceived as rude.

OP is not complaining about the existence of a homeless man, she’s complaining that she felt unsafe because someone shouted at her and she couldn’t do what she’d intended. I think it’s entirely reasonable to report and if I owned the business I’d want to know too.YANBU

YANBU Knocking on a car window repeatedly when you've been told no is aggressive behaviour. There's a road near where I work where beggars bang on car windows whilst traffic is at a standstill in rush hour, the Police are finally clamping down on it.

Some odd replies on this thread.

OP you are perfectly right to be concerned that a random man thinks it is OK to band on your car window and shout at you to intimidate you into giving him money while you are just going about your business.

The homeless part is irrelevant, this is not appropriate behaviour full stop and should be reported to the supermarket.

I work for a charity that support homeless people, mostly homeless men. The reality is that a large number have drug and alcohol addictions and/or mental health issues and can be very volatile and aggressive, even towards the frontline workers who are only trying to help them.

Agressive begging is never appropriate and don't feel any guilt about reporting that the car park has become unsafe.

The supermarket management won't want customers being threatened or the premises being used to consume illegal substances.

Tell the store so they can increase their security presence. This is the responsible thing to do. Obviously don't give money to beggars in car parks.

Begging can result in an arrest so yes banging on car windows to do so is a crime.

Having sympathy and looking to help the homeless is what we all should do, but that does not extend to condoning threatening behaviour - that includes approaching people to beg, in their cars or otherwise.

I'd say someone banging on the car window and demanding interaction is someone to be wary of.

Supermarket security could reasonably tell people begging not to approach shoppers or bang on windows.

Of course banging on your window is intimidating.

Supermarkets here allow regular homeless people to sit outside, and some have regular donors who know their names, chat etc. Our local Mums network Facebook group quite often has posts like ‘anyone seen Fred from outside Tesco recently, but worried about him’ ‘yes he’s outside Asda now , he said he’s been in a hostel near there ‘ etc.