Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Meal plans going wrong, why should I be blamed?

106 replies

pussinboots61 · 06/02/2025 19:25

I have a meal being planned with a group of friends in March. For years we have always met as a group, no men involved, a girlie get together. We do all meet seperately and in pairs but we have a meal altogether for Christmas and birthdays.

The main issue here is with three of the friends, who I'll refer to as A, B and C so as not to cause confusion.

Friend A does the arranging. Last Christmas friend B invited friend C's boyfriend to come along. He was the only man there. A good male friend of mine had given me a lift to the place and part of me felt obliged to invite him in for a coffee but I thought I wouldn't as it would be a girls meal only and I didn't want the other s thinking I was inviting a man along. But when friend C's boyfriend turned up I felt that I could have invited my friend in after all. Friiend A wasn't happy about the boyfriend being invited but when she found out that friend B had invited him she didn't say anything.

So now friend A is planning a meet up in March for her and friend C's birthdays which are both this month. She asked friiend C if her boyfriend is going, which she then took it as him being invited which she would do. I then, knowing that my male friend will be giving me a lift, said that I might ask him along too if another man is going to be there to keep him company. Friend C is totally happy with this and can't see a problem. Friend A however is not happy, she accused me of taking over, said its not my birthday and this man isn't even my partner. I pointed out that this makes no difference and friend C is happy for him to go along and its her birthday meal too. She said that its always been just us women before and she thinks its getting out of hand with other people coming along. I told her that she more or less invited friend Cs boyfriend but she said she only mentioned it to be polite. I told her that friend B invited him to the meal last Christmas and it wasn't her birthday and she hadn't asked anyone if they minded him going along but she said she won't say anything to her. Which means she will tell me but not anyone else.

I feel really upset by this. I have been in touch with friend B since and she said that friend A has rang her and said she's upset that the group is getting ruined and would rather it just be us. I agree with her, that men shouldn't be going along when its a girlie thing but if another man can go then I refuse to not allow my male friend to go.

Friend B feels sorry for friend A as she's got a lot on at the moment at home, and I feel sorry for her too but she's no need to talk to me like she has done. I have stress and depression but don't snap at people,.

Friend B was going to invite her cousin along (who is female) but she's thinking of not doing so now. I am taking my friend though if the other man is coming.

Any views on this and sorry if it's a long post. Thank you.

OP posts:
I2amonlyhereforTheBeer · 07/02/2025 22:07

OMG - think you need new friends! What a drama. Also begs the question, what guy wants to be the only guy there in a large group? Just get A, B and C together and vote on all girls or not. Are they guys good company? If so, I'd want them in.

BrightonFrock · 07/02/2025 23:47

The male friend of mine is not a stranger to this group of friends, they do know him. I am not inviting him to be difficult or to make a point.

Why ARE you inviting him? You want a girls only night; the birthday girl wants a girls only night. The only person who doesn’t is the one foisting her boyfriend on you all. Why are you making this worse?

latetothefisting · 08/02/2025 00:25

pussinboots61 · 07/02/2025 18:56

Well I will respond to everyone at once here. So many views and opinions.

The male friend of mine is not a stranger to this group of friends, they do know him. I am not inviting him to be difficult or to make a point. The main issue was when friend B invited friend C's boyfriend at Christmas. She says that he's a nice guy and does everything for friend C so he should be encouraged. Yes he is nice but that doesn't mean he has to come to our girl's days out.

I realise that its friend A's and C's birthdays but friend C said she is happy for my friend to come along. Now friend B is going to discuss with it C, I don't know if she maybe will suggest that she leaves her boyfriend out of it because it is upsetting friend A and then it will be all girls again like it should be.

I have since spoken to my male friend and he said may just call in and have a coffee until the others turn up and then go.

Please note that my stress levels are very high at the moment and I do tend to react to things. Friend C has advised me nicely to try not to worry about it and that we will all have a nice meal, which I am sure we will.

I am not a stroppy or demanding person at all. I used to be far too laid back and put up with anything but I don't now. Years ago, another group of friends took all their partners to a party and told me that I couldn't take my partner of the time so I just listened to them and went on my own. I refuse to be dictated to now.

Incidentally friend C's boyfriend is quite clingy. She once arranged a weekend for me to stay over at her house and told him it was a girlie weekend and to do his own thing. He still came to her house and stayed overnight.

What? Why would he 'call in and have a coffee until the others turn up and then go'
Why, if he's giving you a lift, can't he just get you there for the agreed start time? Does he literally have nothing better to do than give you a lift, get there half an hour earlier for no apparent reason and hang around waiting?

Comff · 08/02/2025 13:39

pussinboots61 · 07/02/2025 19:49

I think that's the case. He's not demanding but is he clingy.

So the boyfriend situation is weird but why are you making it weirder?

Comff · 08/02/2025 13:40

A big part of your reasoning is that C said it was ok and it’s her birthday. Is it not A’s birthday too? The person who said it is not ok? Why are you overlooking that?

Schoolchoicesucks · 08/02/2025 13:49

If I was friend A, I would stop being the one to arrange these meals.

Friend B was out of order for inviting Friend C's boyfriend along without checking with you all.

Friend A was out of order for not being clear with Friend C that she would prefer the birthday meal to be just the group of women.

Friend C is being out of order for thinking it is fine for her boyfriend to tag along every time she goes for a meal with friends.

Friend C's boyfriend is out of order for tagging along with Friend C all the time.

You are being out of order for insisting that your male friend has to be invited if Friend C's boyfriend is there so that Friend C's boyfriend has another man to talk to. Does your male friend know Friend C's boyfriend or do they just have a pair of testicles in common? Why do you need your male friend to be there? Friends A and B aren't bringing plus ones so it's not as though you are expecting everyone else to be coupled up.

It sounds as though your preference is for women only. And that's A's preference too. So you need to communicate this to B and C. If C wants to bring her boyfriend along, she can organise a bloody meal. If you want your male friend along for coffee with your friends then you arrange that.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page