To think children shouldn't be swearing in primary school

[Dishwashersaurous]

I'm genuinely interested in opinions and how this would be tackled in other schools.

There is a boy at my son's school who every single lunchtime will come and swear aggressively at my son. I understand he also does it to other children.

I've told my son to report to a teacher every single time, which he does.

However, it appears that there is no consequence or punishment for this child for the swearing. Then the next day the same thing happens again.

I intend to talk to the school about it because my son is now dreading breaktime and being sworn at.

However, Aibu to expect children not to swear at a primary school and that there should be action by the school to stop a child who does?

you're obsessing over the wrong thing. Children who aren't yours swearing... not the issue. Child bullying your child and being super aggresve to your child... definitely an issue.

Sorry but yes I do think it’s sad. Not so much in secondary school age, I am aware that children will pick up these words and will use them, but at primary age it’s coming from their home environment. For them to use swear words so naturally as part of their language it will be from parents or other family members who swear around their children, or from being allowed to watch tv programs that are too old for them. So yes it is sad that some children are having to grow up in these environments. We’re talking about children age 11 and under here, not teenagers.

Obviously Primary aged children shouldn't be swearing at school but the situation you describe with your son sounds like aggressive bullying. The swearing is the least worrying aspect of it.

Of course there are reasons and explanations as to why a primary school pupil might swear.

If they hear it at home with their parents then they are going to pick up on it.

It doesn't mean the school should allow it, but there are a multitude of reasons for it, most of which are not actually the child's fault.

@Dishwashersaurous I cannot believe the tolerance on here. No one I know would put up with this or expect dc to swear at school. You are absolutely correct to expect the school to deal with this. They might be trying to do something but making excuses (adults do it?) just is not good enough. Aggressive swearing behaviour should not be tolerated from anyone - child or adult. If he swore at a teacher they would do something. Your DS is not being protected as he should be.

Hopefully he has pleasant friends. You would not get a prep school tolerating this.

I bet swearing goes on in prep school playgrounds across the country. My DC went to a top, very middle class state primary that parents fought to get into and there was swearing in the playground.

I certainly wouldn’t say primary aged DC swearing is a sign of poor parenting- it could be that they’ve overheard an older sibling or someone on the bus etc.

The issue here should be with the aggression and bullying.

DD7 is in year 3 and swearing is treated as a temporary exclusion which involves the child not coming into school for a few days (unless other circumstances eg SEN)

Bonkers

Well it’s not nice, absolutely. And kids should be reprimanded. But if he wasn’t swearing but being aggressive that would also be unacceptable.

I hate swearing in primary schools, it shouldn't be normalised

Like others have said I would differentiate between swearing at something and swearing at someone. I tell my teenage DDs not to swear at anyone but I am known to say FFS under my breath many times and cannot criticise them for doing the same.

It was the school bus where the swearing is the worst and they learnt every swear word going on there. I didn't do anything though until DD2 when she was in year 5 was told to "Fuck off you cunt" on the school bus. I complained to the school and they spoke to her and her friends and then called the parents of the boys and told them if it happened again they wouldn't be allowed on the school bus for a week (which would have a big impact on the parents). This resolved the issue.

I'm really not sure how much a school can do about swearing in general, especially as the kids will have learnt a lot at home, but swearing at people is different.

I also think when you are talking about primary school you are talking about 4 year olds and 12 years olds and there is a massive difference.

I hate hearing adults swearing in front of children. I would not want to hear primary school children swearing, it's bad enough when teenagers do it.

I think you need to accept that some kids and sone families for swear. It is pretty obvious that school does not condone this but other than sanction when they do hear it they are not going to be able to stop it. Like others have said swearing aggressively at someone in a threatening way should be dealt with differently from general poor language with peers in the playground.

Of course all children swear, but I wouldn't want to hear it, and if I was a teacher I would punish a child for swearing I heard them. The problem the OP has is that if the teacher isn't there when it happens then it's her child's word against the others.

How do you know there's no consequences? This is extremely unlikely. It's probably just that your child doesn't know or see what consequence is put in place.

I think it depends on the demographics etc.. no swearing when i was in primary school, nor have I hear/heard of any swearing amongst my 3DC at their primary over 7 years....

There is plenty of context needed such as the age and understanding of the child, the background and family situation, where it happened, who heard it, was it in aggression, what was said etc etc. The consequence obviously will vary. I have never heard of a teacher who ignores and doesn't reprimand swearing in some way. However it would be naive to think that this prevents a child swearing. The best that can be hoped for is that they moderate their language according to context and audience.

I agree with you, OP. Children shouldn't be swearing in primary school (and no, not all children do it) but it's often learnt at home and the parents don't see a problem with it.

I remember a colleague telling a parent that their child had sworn at another teacher at the end of the day and the parent turned to the child (in front of the teacher) and said, "I thought I'd told not not to fucking swear at school!"

As for what we can do about it.

Well, we can remind them of the expectations, talk to them about appropriate language/behaviour, give them warnings, take 5 mins off their breaktime (this can be increased depending on age to a maximum of 12 minutes) and we can tell their parents.

There is literally nothing else we can do. For any misdemeanour.

My DC went to a top, very middle class state primary that parents fought to get into and there was swearing in the playground.

Many of their classmates went on to top universities, including Cambridge and Edinburgh, so it clearly doesn’t turn them all into degenerates…

I've taught 4 year olds who were no stranger to telling people to fuck off. If that's what they hear at home...

My DD went to a girls prep and absolutely no swearing. It’s tolerated by some people who don’t know any better and it’s awful parenting.

For me it depends on extent and how it’s used. If used abusively, not ok. We had one girl giving people a tirade of abuse. Quite embarrassing for her parents at the time. And not appropriate at all. I thought at the time that no 11 year old should have this directed at them.

To update I spoke to school who confirmed that the school does have a zero tolerance approach to swearing. And that it is a serious consequence on their behaviour policy.

I'm pleased that the schools approach is in line with what I thought behaviour standards should be.

I am not surprised primary aged kids swear but I am surprised that schools don't do anything about it.

My kids' primary school definitely would have dealt with that and there would have been consequences for swearing.
It seems odd for the school to say they can't do anything about it.

In your case, OP, it definitely sounds like bullying if it is happening regularly to your child and the swearing is aggressive in nature.
I would definitely be contacting the school about this & wanting to see some action taken.