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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

MIL doing my head in - constantly complaining and racist remarks

109 replies

Spooniey · 06/02/2025 11:26

MIL arrived at 5pm last night and is due to stay until Sunday at 2pm. However she has already made me consider putting my head in the oven or running away totally.

I have 2 daughters, 4 and 6 months, I’m on maternity leave so get the joy of hosting MIL all day while my lovely DH works.

Lets list the issues so far

  • We had Mexican food for dinner, she complained that it was just fajitas and nachos and felt that tacos and other fillings (we had the same chicken on both the nachos and fajitas, she wanted some sort of other meat filling too) should have been offered and mentioned several times she was disappointed
  • Since she last stayed we have swapped the rooms around, now both DDs share the larger room and the guest room is the smallest one. It has a double bed (against a wall), a chest of drawers and a wardrobe so plenty for a short stay, but no no she complained as it’s too small for her and it doesn’t get light in the morning as it’s north facing.
  • This morning she complained that we were having a cold breakfast, I said there was food in the fridge if she wanted to make more but she said guests shouldn’t have to cook
  • Complained DD (4) was eating in her pyjamas. We always do DDs breakfast in pyjamas as I don’t feel like having to change her after she gets weetabix and jam all over her uniform before school
  • MIL did the school run with us, got out the car and we were a bit early so DD ran over to her friend who was playing in the little bit of playground that’s open at the start of the day. I waved to her dad and my MIL whispered “gosh he looks like one of those Hamas” - he is Jordanian. I immediately said that was inappropriate. Her dad is actually also my DHs boss (massive coincidence since we live in London and not even very close to each other that our girls are at the same school).
  • In the car back she complained non stop, as he has there with his 2 daughters (one DDs age and a toddler), his wife gave birth just a week ago so dad is on school run duty. My MIL that “he looked like a hamas member” and his children look nothing like him (his wife is British, the children are fairly light skinned and have light brown hair). She has since complained to my SIL loudly on the phone that a “man who looks like he could be in Hamas, was hanging around outside DDs school and that is odd as it’s an all girls school. He’s not hanging around - he’s dropping his child off!! I have corrected her and pointed this out and she said “she just doesn’t know she has a weird feeling about him”. He is literally DHs boss and the dad of DDs best friend, we know the family really well and they are all lovely.

For context MIL is divorced and doesn’t have much of a social life, short of her calls to her children which are spent complaining. She lives in a small village and while there isn’t as much diversity as in London, there are people from all sorts of backgrounds - she just acts like she is blind to them or spews Islamophobic hate (she’s a big reform supporter).

AIBU to be thinking I can’t do a full weekend of this and to tell DH I’m booking a spa hotel and he and the children can have a lovely weekend with his mum without me!

OP posts:
LookItsMeAgain · 06/02/2025 15:09

I'd actually tell her that she needs to book herself in to a hotel as you're not paying for someone so bigoted and racist to stay in any hotels. Why should you?

Don't be the ones caught on the hook for paying for her stay. She is vile and has such a parochial view of her world that it is seriously damaging to be around.

Also if you pay this time, she may come to expect it every time so best start as you mean to go on by getting her to pay for her hotel stay!

immigrant101 · 06/02/2025 15:19

How does someone look like hamas Exactly 🤣? Was he covering his face in a red and white cloth ! I would call her out on it tbh

Unexpecteddrivinginstructor · 06/02/2025 21:31

Did you manage to move her out to a hotel?

Spooniey · 06/02/2025 21:33

Unexpecteddrivinginstructor · 06/02/2025 21:31

Did you manage to move her out to a hotel?

She decided to go home instead … DH says she went in a mood when he suggested a hotel and said if you don’t want me to stay I’ll go home, he said okay then :)

Can’t say we are overly devastated!

OP posts:
LookItsMeAgain · 06/02/2025 21:44

@Spooniey - Result!!!

And it didn’t end up costing you a penny!!

RandomMess · 06/02/2025 21:45

Love your DH 😂

MarioLink · 06/02/2025 22:00

Give your kids a room each and get rid of the guest room - partly solved our MIL issue.

cannynotsay · 06/02/2025 22:03

So impressed with how this has been handled!!! Great parenting here

Unexpecteddrivinginstructor · 06/02/2025 22:32

Spooniey · 06/02/2025 21:33

She decided to go home instead … DH says she went in a mood when he suggested a hotel and said if you don’t want me to stay I’ll go home, he said okay then :)

Can’t say we are overly devastated!

That is a good result. You can relax and enjoy an unexpectedly good weekend.

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