Teachers apparently telling reception children to ' stop crying '

[bapabear]

My DD hurt herself at school today.

I asked her if she was ok and whether she cried... she said ' no ', I then asked her if she cries often at school and she said ' no, I never cry because the teachers just tell us to stop crying '...

It's not a huge deal or anything and who knows what the context is that the teachers have told them to stop crying. But I don't know? Somehow it's a bit of a weird thing if true.

Is this normal ? I'm not going to make a fuss or anything but is that right ? Teachers just telling 4/5 year olds to ' stop crying ' ?

Not normal.

I would not take the word of a child that age at face value. They misunderstand so many things or don’t provide context.

Depends tbf. I tell my own kids to stop crying. If they cry all the time over small issues I can understand the teachers saying it.

It could be said in lots of different ways, eg. Kindly as in, 'come on, stop crying and let's find something fun to do'. Also 4-5 year olds are not particularly reliable witnesses... it's possible one person said this to her and now she's generalising...maybe just speak to the school and ask?

You can’t take everything your 4 or 5 year old says at face value. They won’t understand the context obviously.

I cannot bear people telling children to stop crying. Crying is literally a natural reaction to hurt/upset and I always encourage my children to let their feelings out. I’d be fuming if a teacher told my child to stop crying.

I don't think it's normal for teachers to just tell children to stop crying. I'm equally sure there are many occasions where it's entirely appropriate.

I used to work in Early Years and heard adults telling children sharply to stop crying on a regular basis. Also did training with a load of healthcare professionals who thought it was totally fine and in fact, important, to tell children to stop crying when they are upset. So not surprised if this did happen in DD's school. Dreadful stuff

My 5yo has developed the fake cry over the past year or so, in response to not being able to do something ridiculous or impossible or if my attention is elsewhere for the 1.3 seconds when he wants my attention. I would not mind his teacher telling him to “stop crying” then. Reception age children are notoriously unreliable and ridiculous sometimes.

Ask the teacher / HoY about the specific incident?

Having commented above before reading all comments I agree that this is different. I think I just got angry at the idea of a poor child crying and a teacher just saying STOP CRYING 😂

In some circumstances, it’s fine to tell a child to stop crying. It’s often better than feeding unnecessary upset that will only lead to children being over dramatic and under resilient.

Obviously, if a child has a valid reason to be crying then they should be comforted appropriately, but sometimes kids cry because they don’t know any other way of expressing feelings and sometimes they cry just for drama and attention. When there is no need to be crying, it’s okay for a child to hear it.

There are times where “come on stop crying now” might be totally appropriate to say to a 5 year old.

God the fake crying! We have this at the minute too, they can turn it in so quick!

Is it so bad that she's learned not to cry at school? Obviously if she couldn't help it that would be different. But she's telling you she can. So long as it's not delivered harshly, it's good that the school are helping children to that level of maturity. Having a classroom full of children who cry as a communication tool like infants would be very upsetting for everyone.

It's often a natural reaction to frustration, anger and not like being told "no". Learning to to manage your emotions is part of growing up. Reception is an ideal place to begin that journey.

I have definitely said to her before ' come on, stop crying and let's do something fun ' after having consoled her first.

The teachers are so lovely, I can't imagine them doing it in a mean way. M

Totally disagree. 4 and 5 year olds still have very immature brains. What a cruel idea that at such a young age they should start learning to bottle up their emotions 🙄 no wonder there is a mental health crisis in this country.

My dc once told me the teacher had hit him around the face with a chair.

@bapabear asked her if she was ok and whether she cried... she said ' no ', I then asked her if she cries often at school and she said'

I find your line of questioning rather odd. If your DD already told you she didn't cry, why then ask her following on, if she cries a lot at school? Doesn't make any sense.

It’s not bottling up their emotions to learn that things like screaming, lying in the floor, stamping their feet or crying because they’ve been told no is inappropriate.
There are appropriate outlets for feelings and inappropriate outlets for feelings.

Being told to stop fake crying doesn't mean bottling up emotions. It means you learn to regulate and cry when something needs a cry reaction.

I was just curious if she gets upset at school and cries- in general. I also asked if other children sometimes cry- she said 'no not really because the teachers tell us to stop crying' she was very sure about that.

Sorry for being curious ! How odd of me to want to understand my DD's days / emotional state..

*inattentive38 *

What a pile of shit!

We’ve been validating feelings for years, constantly pandering to everyone.

I agree there is a mental health crisis but it’s because of the constant pandering not because of occasional tough love otherwise everyone in the 40s to the 80s would have been having crises.

It is a bit of a strange thing to ask your child. She didn’t cry today so why ask her how often she cries? Weird.

I don't think it's strange at all. And it gave me some insight as to what goes on. Each to their own.

Depends why they are crying