Sil stalking my Sm

[Foreveronthattrampoline]

Whenever I post something on Sm…pretty rare these days. Sil has obviously seen it, but doesn’t like it or comment etc, but will then text Dh saying for example: ‘Are you going skiing?’ if I’ve posted something about future plans.

I just find this a bit annoying and odd, would you?

Why would she do this?

So you’d rather she message you not him?

it’s a bit weird right?

I’m not bothered if she doesn’t comment

So what do you want her to do instead?

Solutions are all in your hands

Block her
Don't post
Speak to her directly about what the issue really is (though I'm not sure what you would say tbh)

Or stop caring!

Here's a thought; why not ask her why she only intereacts with her brother and doesn't want to interact with you?
I suspect there's a back story here

I don’t really want her to see them, but there’s nothing I can do about those posts I can’t hide her from, as I said above, aside from blocking jer completely or unfriending, which would cause all sorts of crap, so I won’t

That’s not stalking your social media , that’s simply seeing a post on her feed and not interacting with it. I don’t like or comment on every post I see on SM, even those of my friends, family, like why would I

My post isn’t about that 🙈 nevermind

People posting their lives all over SM .. then getting annoyed people see it. You don’t post anything on SM that you aren’t happy for the world to see.

As Monica Rose said “it’s an echo chamber for narcissists”

@Foreveronthattrampoline

Then you need to find the commitment to not care. You can't change her behaviour

You could not post in the first place? Social media isn’t mandatory to existing you know.

And you can change your setting so that certain people don’t see your posts

I have to say if my siblings post something important on SM I message them directly. Same for their OHs. I get on with my BILs and SILs but not enough to message over my actual sibling. If my SIL said she was going skiing with Db I’d definitely mention it to my DB (we speak/message most days)

This reminds me of my friend who had cancer. She joined a club I was a member of. Then moaned at me for telling everyone about her illness. I pointed out that every time she tagged me it appeared on my FB timeline for all to see.

She isn't stalking you.

Is that interrogating though? Or just making conversation?

My mother does this. She picks up on stuff my kids or my DH have said on SM and then repeats it all back to me, in order that we can have a wider conversation about what's going on in their lives. Probably because she knows that I am not going to volunteer the information otherwise. It irritates me, but it's just her way of feeling involved in what's going on with us. She has no life and few friends of her own so what else is she going to talk about?

It's clear you don't like your SIL, or you think she doesn't like you. Why don't you just adjust your settings so she doesn't see your business and leave it up to your DH to fill her in on his, as he sees fit.

What does your dh say about it?

That's not true. You can adjust your settings to a core group of 'friends' who see everything and a second tier group who don't, unless you choose to include them specifically in the audience for a new status update each time you make one. Or just set up a second account and only invite close friends and family onto it, leaving everyone else on the other account, which can either go dormant or just be used for posts you don't mind everyone seeing.

It is weird, and it's uncomfortable to think someone is using your SM to keep tabs on you. It changed my use of SM, I only have my closest friends and family on it now, some family haven't made the cut. Even then I hardly ever post on it, which is a total reversal from how I used to use it. I ditched someone for using my SM this way specifically and told her the same when she asked why she wasn't on it anymore.

So what are you bothered about exaclty?

Her having conversations with her brother where she mentions stuff you've broadcast on SM? What is it you do want from her?

Given how you clearly feel about her, what makes you think she’d want to talk to you in a nice, lighthearted way?

You just want to complain about her, clearly.

If you’re bothered, then block her?

How is it weird to think people are keeping tabs on you via social media? That is literally what it is for. If you don't want that, either remove those people, adjust your settings so unwanted people can't 'stalk' you, stop posting so much personal stuff, or just come off SM altogether.

People talk about this 'problem' as if they have no choice and no agency, like their privacy is being violated against their will. It's absolutely ridiculous. People only know as much about you through your SM account as you allow them to know.

I had something similar with my SIL and MIL. I only put things as stories on Facebook now, as you can see who has looked. Every time without fail, my MIL would be one of the first to look. Within and hour my SIL would look. Obviously MIL would get straight onto SIL to have a look and I’m guessing have a good gossip about me. I just felt constantly watched and talked about but them. MIL is ok, no issues, but SIL is awful. So now I have set it so that every story excludes them from seeing it.

Shock horror. You post your entire life online and people might see it talk about it! Who would have thought....
It's as if it never occurs to some people that not everything must be posted online...

@JandamiHash I don't know, it's that imbalance. A friendly message or a sharing in return isn't unreasonable. It doesn't make a difference if public or private. I know because she either mentions to my husband or sometimes likes things but only if they have a picture of my husband for example. I'd just block but don't want to also cause a fuss blocking one family member but not another

I know for sure my SIL stalks my social media. Aside from very obviously copying the content, she once liked a photo of me from 2009 😂

it’s normal to some degree in this day and age but if, like my sil with her copying, it gets too much, just hide your story.