We have no bedroom and it's stressful

[Fishandchipsareyum]

Hello

We have a small 2 bedroom house and the girls each need a bedroom as they are both autistic and eldest is a pda and 7 years older than the youngest. The girls don't get on my eldest needs a lock on her door inside so her sister isn't allowed in. We are going to put a little latch on it for her.

We initially thought it was going to be ok, we bought an expensive sofa bed from ikea. It was hideous to sleep on so had to replace with a day bed that pulls out to a double but the sofa is in the way so it can't be moved to pull day bed out ( it's a tiny livingroom also) we have so much stress and we have no adult space and all my clothes are mostly in box's under the day bed. Husband sleeps on a mattress.

Guess I'm just wondering if anyone else has no adult bedroom because the children need a room each.

We can't afford to buy a bigger place. So we are stuck.

All that fits In the living room is the seating and the day bed ( single size pushed in) and a small unit for my things. Tv is on the inbuilt fireplace.

Youngest room is large but awkward so I'm not sure it could be split into 2. There is her bed and toys and books and I need to store towels and husbands clothes in her room.

I just can't help dread getting older in this place. I try and be positive but I feel quite down. I work 24/7 ( minus the sleeping tike lol) and I would have enjoyed a place to call my own bedroom for rest.

OP, you did mention that one of the problems you had with splitting the room was the window. A few years ago I knew someone that split a room right down the centre of a window. They had one large window split into 2 separately opening ones first with a PVC strip down the middle and the stud wall was against this strip.

I wouldn’t sleep in the loft or partition a room without proper ventilation to these spaces via a window. You could end up making yourself ill like that, we all need air to breathe at night.

Is the answer just not trying to make your bedroom also a lounge? Have a proper bed with proper clothes storage etc. Not having an actual bed is tough. I’ve lived without a lounge before and it wasn’t that bad (but it was before kids so maybe that comment isn’t helpful).

Yes, this is what we’ve done OP. Big window on one wall, split it down middle using pvc strip on the window to hide the stud wall from outside, they each have an opening window 😊

Oh same, my pda child can't go on holidays. We have booked places and had to drive straight home again. Even 1 night is really awful for us with her moods and anxiety.

This is excellent. Thank you for sharing that! That would make all the difference.

I apologise if this has been asked as I have read the thread quickly. Does the house have a garage that could be converted? I appreciate such work costs but possibly cheaper than a loft conversion. Good luck.

Hiya just wanted to pop on and say I'm in a similar situation with no bedroom and it is hard! You've been given lots of good advice on the thread but just wanted to say you're definitely not alone. I have friends in studios with their children and friends who've been in studios with their entire family. Good luck

My apartment is a warehouse conversion - the windows are huge (4m x 4m) In my bedroom, the window is split with the next door apartment, I only have 3m of it, so definitely possible.

This may have mentioned, but can you just buy a cheap room divider to split the bedroom without the expense of permanent wall and changes ot the window? Appreciate it wouldn't be perfect but at least it'd give the kids some separation and not cost you much. Then you get the smaller bedroom.

That’s such a helpful comment…. not!

Would a good response be to you, that if you wanted more children that you got better paid jobs and therefore able to get a larger home? No, I thought not!

OP, lots of great suggestions on here, give them a go. The Murphy beds look great.

If you can’t split the larger room, could you try a different sofa bed or Murphy bed combined with boarding loft for clothes storage which is relatively cheap to do? We have the DFS Lucius sofa bed which we sleep on when we have guests staying in our room and it’s really comfy. I slept on it for weeks after surgery made it difficult for me to climb stairs.

If you split the larger room and window into two, spend enough to make sure it is properly insulated for heat and sound or it could prove unbearable.

After splitting the room in two, I would be saving all my pennies for a loft conversion in the future. If your girls are disabled they might be living at home for a many years yet.

How high are your ceilings?

I watch quite a lot of tiny homes / campervan conversions and one solution is to have a bed that 'lives' on the ceiling and then moves down when you need it.

It would not be cheap but cheaper than a new house.

A murphy bed is also a good idea.

A high sleeper bed?

Another thing I have seen, if you have room is a roll out bed with a platform over it. So in the day you have a step in your living room and at night you roll the bed out. https://i.pinimg.com/736x/4c/d1/9a/4cd19a52b49277cb09c7143746a95499.jpg

In my office / spare room I have a Brimnes day bed. My dad sleeps fine in it although it is set up as a single for him. It also has two quite large drawers.

I would say if you go down the road of a day bed buy the best mattress(es) you can afford.

Also it might be worth renting a storage locker.

That is an AI generated image. Really not helpful to the OP.

@Fishandchipsareyum I'd divide the big bedroom into two - board out the loft for storage - adults have the small bedroom. That would be the cheapest way to do things. Whoever doesn't get a window (if thats the situation) gets some other treat/bonus (fancy lamp, preferential access to a desk somewhere else).

Then in the living room have a sofa that has storage under for toys, and a desk that folds out for homework.

You can't upload photos at the minute however you could draw a floor plan and host it online somewhere and post a link to it.

Didn’t anyone ever tell you not all attention is good attention.

Is there any chance you could move to a cheaper area? We could have bought a nicer 2 bed house in a better area, but went with a 3 bed ex council. The area is technically deprived but actually our neighbours are fine and there's a decent community feel. It's honestly worth thinking about.

One of mine is autistic too and it really wouldn't be fair to make them share so I totally get where you are coming from. It sounds like you need properly separate rooms for them so Pinterest stud walls and kallax units aren't really going to work splitting a bedroom between them. Though you could do something like this with the bigger room and section off a bit with a double bed for you, it's probably not going to be great long term when youngest hits her teen years. Might work for a bit while you save to convert loft though?

It's hard with Sen kids as you can't really rely on them moving out at 18 so you get the space back.

My parents split a room for my brother and I when we moved into a house from a caravan. They partitioned right down the room to the middle of the window and we had half each, my dad just ran the partition over the windowsill and right up to the window and then we each had one curtain!

He was 10 years older than me and I remember when he had girlfriends round and shut me out of his room I would go to that bit of the partition and beg to be let in because the soundproofing wasn't as good so he could hear me then, but generally it was fine.

I guess because we moved from really tiny rooms it felt like a palace to me, and neither of us are ND, but we each had a high rise bed and enough floor space for a wardrobe, desk/space to play etc and enough privacy that he didn't kill me, so it must have worked.

I've just read the comments about splitting the window. In terraced houses in the north of England this has been done quite a lot when people started to have indoor bathrooms.

There is a group on Facebook called DIY on a budget that shows people splitting rooms. This might help give you ideas.
You could get a single wardrobe and high ceiling cupboards the type people used to have above their double bed with wardrobe either side.

Good luck whatever you decide, I remember trying all sorts of different options when I slept in the lounge.

I feel for you. When my three DC were little (until eldest was 8), we lived in a one bedroom flat.

You have to forget about traditional room uses and be inventive with double use of space and storage. For example, have a double bed in the corner of the living room, but dress it as a day bed with lots of throws and cushions. Board some of your loft and rotate-store clothes, toys and seasonal items in big plastic crates. Use lidded boxes for clothes as coffee tables.

If you plan to stay there for the long term, I’d think carefully about splitting a bedroom, as when your DDs are teenagers/young adults it could feel very confined.

If you definitely want to stay there long term, I’d convert the loft. You could do it bit by bit as you have the money. Have a fire-safe staircase added first for easy access. Then have a proper floor fitted so it’s much easier to use as a room and for storage. You can sleep in a room without a window, though would be hot/cold at times without insulation. But at those times, you sleep in the house. Then fit the loft window and insulation. Consider the best place for an en-suite in the design, which could be added much later.

However, I’d seriously consider moving to a bigger place, with its own garden, now. Either a solid but run-down place in the same/neighbouring area, which you can gradually do up. Or move to a cheaper, up-and-coming area that could work for you long-term, in terms of schools, public transport etc. If your DDs are likely to live with you as young adults, it’s better to move and get settled in a new place asap. Choose somewhere with space, which you can do up bit by bit, and even gives you options for a separate studio flat (in the garden or above a garage) for one of your DDs at a much later date.

Some places are really solid and have lots of options to expand, but the decor is v dated. If you take up any objectionable carpet, lay nice rugs and whitewash all the walls, places look immediately better. Even 1980s avocado bathroom suites can look great with the right decor (e.g. slate grey walls). Location, space and light are always the most important. The rest is liveable with/fixable over decades.

I'm sure the OP didn't plan for her children to have additional support needs. Most family's would have the children share; but looks like this isn't possible due to her children's individual needs. It's not she can afford 2 kids she just can't afford to move. My child has Cerebral palsy I would love a bungalow but can't afford to move. She's trying to do the best she can for her kids, and people like you aren't helping.

However, there are several of you that haven't a fucking clue about autism or PDA and your ignorance is showing. And embarrassing. It isn't a case of not getting on/not wanting to share. It is a case of not being actually able to because of sensory overload, rigid thinking and need for personal space/blocking out the triggers.

As someone suggested earlier in the thread - bedroom sharing seemed to work before everyone had a diagnosis.

Did it though? How do you know there weren't lots of people in institutions as there families couldn't manage them or lots of people living in unsuitable arrangements as they had no choice so everything was awful for them, but they were social pressured into not doing this solution. Or indeed situations like my grandparent who did sleep in the lounge as there weren't enough rooms all round. Their eldest was violent and he got his own room to protect the two younger boys but it would have been shameful to speak about that.

Pretty sure my dad's elder brother used to beat the shit out of him in the good old days where everyone got on with sharing bedrooms.

There are a lot of posters that are drawing on their own experiences of sharing rooms with siblings and not getting along, but have absolutely zero idea of what it's like for siblings who have to be kept apart for their safety.

It's not the same things as general sibling squabbles.