We have no bedroom and it's stressful

[Fishandchipsareyum]

Hello

We have a small 2 bedroom house and the girls each need a bedroom as they are both autistic and eldest is a pda and 7 years older than the youngest. The girls don't get on my eldest needs a lock on her door inside so her sister isn't allowed in. We are going to put a little latch on it for her.

We initially thought it was going to be ok, we bought an expensive sofa bed from ikea. It was hideous to sleep on so had to replace with a day bed that pulls out to a double but the sofa is in the way so it can't be moved to pull day bed out ( it's a tiny livingroom also) we have so much stress and we have no adult space and all my clothes are mostly in box's under the day bed. Husband sleeps on a mattress.

Guess I'm just wondering if anyone else has no adult bedroom because the children need a room each.

We can't afford to buy a bigger place. So we are stuck.

All that fits In the living room is the seating and the day bed ( single size pushed in) and a small unit for my things. Tv is on the inbuilt fireplace.

Youngest room is large but awkward so I'm not sure it could be split into 2. There is her bed and toys and books and I need to store towels and husbands clothes in her room.

I just can't help dread getting older in this place. I try and be positive but I feel quite down. I work 24/7 ( minus the sleeping tike lol) and I would have enjoyed a place to call my own bedroom for rest.

We have the same problem with opposite sex over 10's who are also ND.

The only space I get is by hiding in the tiny downstairs loo that's no bigger than a cupboard or locking myself in the car out the front!

I actually sleep on a recliner sofa. It's not completely flat but I find it so comfy and I find it ergonomically better than lying flat on a mattress.

My other half has a real single mattress on a folding bed frame from Amazon. It will often gets left up in our tiny lounge.

I keep my clothes folded up in a small four drawer unit in the downstairs hallway.

The worst part is that our combined income is about 60k gross but we can't afford to rent a three bed where we live! It's easily £2k/month just for rent.

What in the world are we coming to when a working family on that salary between them is living like this!?

The big luxury dream bedrooms some people are posting (with a huge double bed over the top of another double bed, with a glossy staircase at the side) are hilarious.

As amazing as they seem, I am guessing the OP doesn't live in a house like The Beckhams. And Murphy beds cost £1000 to £1500... And converting the loft??? Anyone ever got a price for that? It costs THOUSANDS!!! And don't even get me started on 'built an extension/an extra bedroom.' Again, that would cost thousands!!!!!!

I am guessing the OP doesn't crap money every time she goes to the loo! If the OP could afford all of this, she could afford to move to a 3 bed house.

The ONLY answer to this is to get the 2 girls to share a bedroom. I find it wild that an adult couple is allowing their 2 children to push them out of the house's only 2 bedrooms, making them sleep in the lounge, living out of boxes, and with their clothes and possessions all over the place! 'Because they don't get on!'

Seriously?!

What about a small conservatory? You can get DIY ones in almost kit form, with two solid sides, a glass front and a glazed roof. Not too expensive, and doesn't need PP. Put up a ceiling cloth and curtains on the glass front, and there's your bedroom.

If you have friends good with DIY, have a 'garden party' and get them to help install it, pay them with a homemade dinner and drinks maybe a BBQ, afterwards.

@BatchCookBabe Depends what "don't get on" looks like, doesn't it? It might be unsafe for them to be together.

It was me posting that and I made it very clear it was a dream scenario wishful thinking. You can get a top bunk with a sofa underneath as a cheaper, realistic option if the OP was single, which I know she's not.

However, there are several of you that haven't a fucking clue about autism or PDA and your ignorance is showing. And embarrassing. It isn't a case of not getting on/not wanting to share. It is a case of not being actually able to because of sensory overload, rigid thinking and need for personal space/blocking out the triggers.
For the love of God, educate yourselves.

We don't have luxury holidays days. We get the money DD one night away in a hotel a few times a year as our kids can't cope with being out of routine so it's not really a holiday.

I don't treat myself to much really not does my other half.

The money goes on food (shop in the cheapest supermarket), cars (we have to have two cars because of how far away school is), fuel, dental plans etc

We have one TV package, not all the big expensive ones. We cut them.out years ago.

They are autistic. My friend's autistic child has to be kept separate from his brother because he is dangerous. The OP made it clear they cannot share because of their autism.

A high double loft bed can be built in the living room. It is affordable and leaves the floor space clear for a living area. My friends did this and it looks fantastic. Very chic with built in bookshelf and desk underneath.

No not smug (or bitter) just realistic. I grew up in a crappy situation and didn't want that for me and my family.

Google like mad for visual examples of all the things people are recommending here! Google small-space living for lots of tips & tricks. Organisation & clever storage are key.
Personally I think the loft bed is one of the best, easiest solutions. I have lived in a studio flat using one of these - bed above, living space below. Sofa, desk, whatever.

Another possibility is researching to find a few building companies that may have the specific skills to come in and design a plan to carve out another bedroom?

My brother has three children, they live with him 50% of the time - and when they are with him, he sleeps on the kitchen floor. Life is often not ideal. Best of luck OP.

Seriously?🤣

Off the wall idea - are there any tv shows where families in need get a home makeover? I've seen some in the past, one stands out where a disabled child got more than just the wheelchair ramp the parents were looking for. They got a whole new room with en suite and a hoist plus ramped double doors into the garden.

A very long shot, of course, but someone gets lucky so why not OP? Don't ask, don't get!

Do you have much equity in your house? Could you afford to remortgage, to give you enough cash to do a proper loft conversion? Would be worth looking into as it would add value to the house too.

Could you remortgage and extend the property.

I understand how you feel as I slept in lounge until dd1 moved out and it wasn't nice. It's the where to put clothes where to go after showering etc.

We just put a stud wall up cutting a window in half with the wall. It works.

Lady on instagram with diy Murphy bed is the.wisdom.family

What a horrible thing to say. You don’t know their circumstances for all you know they could have been trying for years after their first child was born.

That’s nice 😊 I’m sure you meant to be really helpful, so just in case you misunderstood, the OP is actually here for advice on how to make it work! So you are in agreement, so what are your great ideas? 😀

Spot the people who've never had a PDA kid.

If you're happy to accept that the OP is feeling stressed from having to have her bedroom in the living room, then you need to believe that the PDA kid will be feeling even more stressed about sharing a room with a sibling. It's an accommodation that they need for their disability. Not just children being difficult and disliking each other.

Sorry OP I don't have any suggestions that haven't already been mentioned. It sounds really hard and I hope you find something that works.

That's not true. I shared with my sister who is 10 years younger and it was fine

Could you move to a cheaper area/region/ country? I worry for your mental health In this environment

I did too. Tbh if this was my family I would have three in one room and one in the other

Look at Disabled Facilities Grant and talk to your local council.

I guess it is pretty normal in lots of countries and in UK is pace is short too. Pretty normal in Japan.

Talk about state the blinking obvious...

Sadly I have been in this situation - DH on settee, disabled DD1 in with me, autistic DD2 in her own room is the only set up that has worked for us.