Page 28 | How to make your vulva clamp shut: a tinder story

stayawayyyyyfromdatingapps · 2025-02-03T17:54:13+00:00

Hi ladies! I'm after your funny / horror / tinder or date stories or something that made your vulva clamp shut from men. Fucking men. I want to stay away from men and dating apps and in seeking to be completely put off for life! I'll go first.. I got an absolute shiner off of tinder say to me 'I really want you to be my girlfriend, so you can see to my ^trouser cannon^ every day. Fucking TROUSER CANNON. Another: got to an organised drinks first date, and the guy had those white stringy bits all around his crusty lips. I kept licking my lips in the hope he'd do the same and kept thinking fuck me if he kisses me im going to have to see the hygienist. Another took screenshots off of my social media, and told me that im wearing 'too much makeup' and he likes his 'girls' (yes girls) to dress modestly and be more natural. The photo he picked was me at a concert, covered in glitter. Note: this bloke has botox. But told me off for wearing glitter. Lastly: met a bloke in the supermarket of all places. Asked me out for a drink and I agreed. Exchanged numbers. (I was 18 at this point). He said that he was Russell brands cousin and he had RB and katy Perry coming round that evening for drinks and would I like to join? I was SO EXCITED. Funnily enough, I'd just seen her on tour the week before and knew for a fine fact she wasn't in the country. But anyhoo I thought I'd play along. Anyway, he said he would pick me up at X time on the back of his motorbike. (I wouldn't have gone.) when he told me he was on his way, apparently in the 10 minute journey his Nan died, and he also got pulled over for speeding and immediately lost his license and asked if he could come to mine. I am so happy to be out of relationships. Men can fuck off. Posting for traffic.

Downunderduchess · 26/03/2025 07:07

ElectricLegs · 21/03/2025 19:39

I apologise to those who are rattled by my comments. It just seems that we have little positive to say about men here. Most of it doesn't come over as funny either, but I suppose it depends on one's sense of humour. It often seems more like spite.

My life has been full of decent, if all too fallible, men, and I have appreciated all of them, warts and all. Of course we all come across the odd prat, but in my life they have been few and far between. Perhaps I have just been lucky. Perhaps it is the way I treat them, accepting and understanding their faults, whilst realising that I have my own.

As women we have life on easy mode really. How many of us have been cleaning the sanitary items off screens at sewerage plants, digging holes in the road, taking on the dirty and dangerous jobs? Most of us have been lucky enough to be sitting in warm offices when we have gone out to work. There will always be exceptions of course. We all know a female firefighter or paramedic, but on the whole we shy away from jobs like that.

When we are in trouble next time, a breakdown at the side of the road for instance, I for one will be glad when a man stops and offers me help, especially when I can't move the car off the road on my own. I can understand my male former colleagues who say that they now don't stop to help a woman out because it's not worth the risk. We need to remember that we are on the same team. Divide and rule is spoiling it for everyone.

😂

Frillysweetpea · 26/03/2025 10:14

ElectricLegs · 21/03/2025 19:39

I apologise to those who are rattled by my comments. It just seems that we have little positive to say about men here. Most of it doesn't come over as funny either, but I suppose it depends on one's sense of humour. It often seems more like spite.

My life has been full of decent, if all too fallible, men, and I have appreciated all of them, warts and all. Of course we all come across the odd prat, but in my life they have been few and far between. Perhaps I have just been lucky. Perhaps it is the way I treat them, accepting and understanding their faults, whilst realising that I have my own.

As women we have life on easy mode really. How many of us have been cleaning the sanitary items off screens at sewerage plants, digging holes in the road, taking on the dirty and dangerous jobs? Most of us have been lucky enough to be sitting in warm offices when we have gone out to work. There will always be exceptions of course. We all know a female firefighter or paramedic, but on the whole we shy away from jobs like that.

When we are in trouble next time, a breakdown at the side of the road for instance, I for one will be glad when a man stops and offers me help, especially when I can't move the car off the road on my own. I can understand my male former colleagues who say that they now don't stop to help a woman out because it's not worth the risk. We need to remember that we are on the same team. Divide and rule is spoiling it for everyone.

🙈 The patriarchy really doesn't need to worry with handmaidens like this....

Pinktruffle · 26/03/2025 15:26

Is @ElectricLegs mummy Tate?

JHound · 26/03/2025 15:31

Frillysweetpea · 26/03/2025 10:14

🙈 The patriarchy really doesn't need to worry with handmaidens like this....

Show quote history

Some truly want to advertise their internalised misogyny to the world!

MidwichCuckoo · 27/03/2025 10:44

That was a bloke I think.
Divide and rule is spoiling it for everyone.
Women speaking up for themselves is spoiling it for men more like.

TwistedWonder · 27/03/2025 11:35

MidwichCuckoo · 27/03/2025 10:44

That was a bloke I think.
Divide and rule is spoiling it for everyone.
Women speaking up for themselves is spoiling it for men more like.

Yep - nothing shows a man’s true character quicker than a woman who says no to him

Flutterbees · 27/03/2025 11:55

Way before the internet, and not what I thought was a date. But I was living with a group of girls and we had a low key party one night. One of our friends brought his friend who had apparently been trying to ask me out but I hadn’t realised. He spent the whole night trying to dominate my time, as if I’d invited him to the party (none of us had, he just turned up!). At one point he lectured me about how there were two types of girl - those he’d sleep with and those he’d take home to his parents (apparently I was the latter). He disappeared as the party was winding down, I thought he’d left. He hadn’t, I found him in my bed! He wouldn’t get out, just wanted me to get in, promised he wouldn’t try anything on, etc etc. I was going to do and sleep in one of my housemate’s rooms, but another housemate’s boyfriend ended up kicking the guy out. Such a sleaze.

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 27/03/2025 12:07

@ElectricLegs
Female genital mutilation.
Rape.
Lower pay (£1 paid to a man is the equivalent of 78p paid to a woman).
Childbirth.
Dying in childbirth.
Refused rights over their own bodies (abortion bans).
Child marriage - girls who are barely in their teens married to adult men.
Children being forced to have babies when they are far too young, and it causes them lasting damage.
Women and girls being shunned during their periods.
Women having periods so bad that they become anaemic and/or faint every month of their fertile lives.
The menopause.
Doing the vast majority of domestic labour and admin.

And that's just off the top of my head - so don't expect me to sympathise with the poor ickle menz!

Original poster

stayawayyyyyfromdatingapps · 27/03/2025 14:23

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 27/03/2025 12:07

@ElectricLegs
Female genital mutilation.
Rape.
Lower pay (£1 paid to a man is the equivalent of 78p paid to a woman).
Childbirth.
Dying in childbirth.
Refused rights over their own bodies (abortion bans).
Child marriage - girls who are barely in their teens married to adult men.
Children being forced to have babies when they are far too young, and it causes them lasting damage.
Women and girls being shunned during their periods.
Women having periods so bad that they become anaemic and/or faint every month of their fertile lives.
The menopause.
Doing the vast majority of domestic labour and admin.

And that's just off the top of my head - so don't expect me to sympathise with the poor ickle menz!

👏🏼 👏🏼 👏🏼

the menz defenders (and the menz) are out in full force on this thread.

there's so many 'pick me' women on this thread, it's hilarious! Men are still going to treat them like shit regardless of their desperate attempts to defend them.

men don't need defending. Women do!
to say men have it harder than women is laughable. All those things you've listed and many more and people are STILL wanting to defend the menz. I feel sorry for them.

OP posts:

TwistedWonder · 27/03/2025 14:27

Every fucking thread where men get the tiniest bit of criticism even lighthearted or joking, there’s an influx of ‘but da womenz are worserer’

Every dating thread where women are sharing their experiences, you can’t your mortgage someone will be along to mansplain and scold us and tell us ‘women do that and worse’

Wont someone think of the poor hard done by menz 🥲🥲

AcrossthePond55 · 28/03/2025 14:54

I think the 'male postings' on this thread prove the accuracy of the saying "Men are afraid women will laugh at them. Women are afraid men will kill them". They simply can't bear being laughed at. Well guess what, assholes, we don't want to die.

DisabledDemon · 30/03/2025 23:31

I think the worst thing was the way he held my hand. It was always crooked up and uncomfortable and although he was a very nice guy, it irritated me to the point of wanting me want to scream. Either that or assassinate him.

BereftBeyondBelief · 31/03/2025 02:33

Not OLD but - Back in the 90s my boyfriend was in the army and overseas in Bosnia. The number of men who thought I was, therefore, fair game for a shag because he was away was horrendous. Pleading with me because “he won’t find out” etc. oh, that makes it ok then?!

OLD - The weirdo who said he liked his girlfriends to get undressed with the curtains open and lights on so other people could see. Or he could stand in the garden watching and have a wank.

One who called his penis “my purple love balloon”

A bloke obsessed with tits. His bedroom wall, which I saw during a video chat, was lots of cut out porn mag tits made into a collage. No faces etc, just tits.

It is a weird world out there. Stay safe.

CactusSammy · 02/04/2025 00:08

ElectricLegs · 21/03/2025 19:39

I apologise to those who are rattled by my comments. It just seems that we have little positive to say about men here. Most of it doesn't come over as funny either, but I suppose it depends on one's sense of humour. It often seems more like spite.

My life has been full of decent, if all too fallible, men, and I have appreciated all of them, warts and all. Of course we all come across the odd prat, but in my life they have been few and far between. Perhaps I have just been lucky. Perhaps it is the way I treat them, accepting and understanding their faults, whilst realising that I have my own.

As women we have life on easy mode really. How many of us have been cleaning the sanitary items off screens at sewerage plants, digging holes in the road, taking on the dirty and dangerous jobs? Most of us have been lucky enough to be sitting in warm offices when we have gone out to work. There will always be exceptions of course. We all know a female firefighter or paramedic, but on the whole we shy away from jobs like that.

When we are in trouble next time, a breakdown at the side of the road for instance, I for one will be glad when a man stops and offers me help, especially when I can't move the car off the road on my own. I can understand my male former colleagues who say that they now don't stop to help a woman out because it's not worth the risk. We need to remember that we are on the same team. Divide and rule is spoiling it for everyone.

As women we have life on easy mode really.

Either you are a man, or completely out of touch with reality. I am actually speechless at this comment.

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 02/04/2025 12:28

I notice @ElectricLegs hasn't commented on my list of things that happen solely to women and girls that are definitely NOT 'life on easy mode'. I suspect he/she has their fingers in their ears, their eyes closed and is going La La La, so as not to have to see any information that might contradict their ridiculous world view.

ARichtGoodDram · 19/04/2025 13:45

This thread jumped to mind when I was reading this story on the BbC. What a horrific first date experience

www.bbc.co.uk/news/articles/cewgj1p79j4o

S0j0urn4r · 22/04/2025 15:26

Pippyls67 · 05/02/2025 20:21

I think it’s an older very uncool guy trying very hard to look young and cool by dressing and behaving in a way that was flashy and considered ‘cool’ perhaps in the 80s or 90s

Show quote history

Google 'Incel'

S0j0urn4r · 22/04/2025 16:11

Went for coffee with an online match who said he was a widower. His wife had died a year before. Googled him and saw pics of him with his wife at a wedding the weekend before. Must say she looked great for a corpse. 🐸
My beautiful, tall, elegant friend met a chap who's profile said 6'2". He just about came up to her shoulder. He couldn't see the problem as "we're the same height lying down". 🐸
Chatted to a bloke online who seemed very nice. Then he asked if he could come to mine and clean my house naked. He wanted me to dominate him. I thought long and hard (free cleaning FFS!) but had to decline as I didn't think I could keep a straight face. 🐸
I did meet my partner online and, I have to say, he was worth the wait. ❤️🫅🏼❤️

Jabberwok · 22/04/2025 16:34

ElectricLegs · 21/03/2025 19:39

I apologise to those who are rattled by my comments. It just seems that we have little positive to say about men here. Most of it doesn't come over as funny either, but I suppose it depends on one's sense of humour. It often seems more like spite.

My life has been full of decent, if all too fallible, men, and I have appreciated all of them, warts and all. Of course we all come across the odd prat, but in my life they have been few and far between. Perhaps I have just been lucky. Perhaps it is the way I treat them, accepting and understanding their faults, whilst realising that I have my own.

As women we have life on easy mode really. How many of us have been cleaning the sanitary items off screens at sewerage plants, digging holes in the road, taking on the dirty and dangerous jobs? Most of us have been lucky enough to be sitting in warm offices when we have gone out to work. There will always be exceptions of course. We all know a female firefighter or paramedic, but on the whole we shy away from jobs like that.

When we are in trouble next time, a breakdown at the side of the road for instance, I for one will be glad when a man stops and offers me help, especially when I can't move the car off the road on my own. I can understand my male former colleagues who say that they now don't stop to help a woman out because it's not worth the risk. We need to remember that we are on the same team. Divide and rule is spoiling it for everyone.

I'm a man and have heard too many dating horror stories, tales of weird chat up lines/approaches, too many tales of blokes thinking they are gods gift from my female friends to agree with you.

Yes there are lots of good men out there. But I've met too many tossers who.think "fancy a fuck" is a great first line.

BatchCookBabe · 22/04/2025 17:02

@Pippyls67 · 05/02/2025 20:21

I think it’s an older very uncool guy trying very hard to look young and cool by dressing and behaving in a way that was flashy and considered ‘cool’ perhaps in the 80s or 90s.

Reminds me of this man I saw on TV (on First Dates,) who made me laugh. He was 72, and had whitened teeth, and his hair dyed dark brown, and said he often gets mistaken for mid 50s. (I doubted it, as his face looked 72. )

What made me laugh even more, was that he said he likes Fatboy Slim, like that made him cool and 'trendy.' 😆

This was 2024. Fatboy Slim is in his 60s, and hasn't been relevant since the 1990s! 😂 Yet this man thought that he was ever so cool and edgy, because he (allegedly) likes Fatboy Slim. I bet he couldn't have named a single one of Fatboy Slim's songs! 😆