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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask the hardest thing you have ever been through

537 replies

Youngishh · 02/02/2025 20:49

Currently going through a divorce and it’s got me thinking about things that people go through in life. Although I am struggling with it, the hardest things I have ever been through was an abortion. I have still never got over it tbh.

OP posts:
Tubs11 · 02/02/2025 22:20

Almost losing my son when he was born and then losing my brother to suicide almost a year later. I've still not recovered from those events and I'm not sure I ever will.

Some of these stories are just heartbreaking. Sending strength to all. xx

Onthefence87 · 02/02/2025 22:20

LoudPlumDog · 02/02/2025 22:17

I’m currently going through the hardest time in my life, right now!

My 21 year old daughter dropped dead in November 2024, I found her, her 23 year old sister and I had to perform CPR until the Paramedics arrived. She could not be saved.
Organising her funeral.
Burying her.
Walking past her bedroom door multiple times a day.
I feel like I’m in a nightmare than I need to wake up from.

I have no words 😢 💔 so very sorry

Ineedashero · 02/02/2025 22:21

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Nonaynevernomore · 02/02/2025 22:22

LoudPlumDog · 02/02/2025 22:17

I’m currently going through the hardest time in my life, right now!

My 21 year old daughter dropped dead in November 2024, I found her, her 23 year old sister and I had to perform CPR until the Paramedics arrived. She could not be saved.
Organising her funeral.
Burying her.
Walking past her bedroom door multiple times a day.
I feel like I’m in a nightmare than I need to wake up from.

No words ❤️

dijonketchup · 02/02/2025 22:22

pestowithwalnuts · 02/02/2025 22:09

In the early 1970's when I was 15 I stupidly got pregnant. A first time and I ended up in a right mess.
My parents were very Victorian.. wouldn't let me go to the disco at school .talk to boys etc
I left it too late to tell them and I had the baby and they made me have him adopted.
It was the way they treated me.,I will never forget it I knew I'd made a big mistake but was made to feel so ashamed.
I wasn't allowed to go out in case the neighbours saw me. I could only go for a walk when it got dark.
It was a dark bleak time.
I was ashamed and I still am

Edited

This one made me gasp. I think it needs saying that you don’t have anything to be ashamed of. You were a child, and you didn’t get yourself pregnant, did you!

Your parents should be the ones ashamed of the way they treated you. Even if they truly believed the adoption was the best thing for you both, you needed unconditional love and support at such a difficult time and I’m so sorry it wasn’t there for you.

I wish I could give your 15-year-old self a hug. Having a baby is huge at any age, but at 15? 💔 I hope life had a lot more love in store for you and your son than you received back then.

lifeonmars100 · 02/02/2025 22:26

I can almost feel the pain in these posts and my heart goes out to everyone I have decided not to list the many things that have given me a diagnosis of Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder as re-visiting it all and trying to work out which was the worst would be counter-productive for me. Instead I try to hope that the things I have been through have made me more understanding of others' suffering

Grinchybinchy · 02/02/2025 22:26

My Son getting encephalitis when he was three weeks old and being told to prepare for the worse, he’s now 19 and an amazing son and human. Getting breast cancer when my youngest daughter was 6 months old and not thinking I’d see her start school, we just had 4 of her friends sleepover for her 13th birthday this weekend. When I think back to where I was then compared to now I feel so blessed to have what I have ❤️

PurpleFlower1983 · 02/02/2025 22:27

I am so sorry to all of you who have been through such awful times. Puts my worries into perspective.

creamsnugjumper · 02/02/2025 22:27

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Do you not think this is what mumsnet is about? Supporting others in heartbreaking times.

Also no shame on the OP shes just asked a very simple question.

Onthefence87 · 02/02/2025 22:27

Klozza · 02/02/2025 22:15

My mum who I was very close to took her own life in a violent and upsetting way back in November of 2024, a week before I was due to give birth to my daughter, and she was meant to be one of my birthing partners. It was very sudden and she had no previous mental health issues as far as we all knew. I had to then bring my 1 week old baby to her funeral. I wad then made redundant a month later, and I’m the main provider in the house. So all in all, a horrific couple of months.

Gosh, that's alot so sorry....I had to take my newborn to my dad's funeral too as he died 3wks after she was born, so know all the postnatal hormones and grief don't mix well.

It's so sad your mum took her own life when she had so much to live for :(

Staggeredatthisadmission · 02/02/2025 22:30

Downtoyou · 02/02/2025 21:32

My 13 year old son died 9 months ago after a short illness with cancer Seeing my strong, independent boy deteriorate in his last weeks is the hardest thing I have ever been through. He slipped away peacefully with me and his dad either side of him on a hospital bed in my living room. He is so loved and missed.

Just unimaginable pain! Devastating. 💔💔
So sorry xx

mawik · 02/02/2025 22:30

Being with my family as my darling mother died of Mesothelioma in 2011, I honestly thought that it was the worst time of my life, but no! Sitting with my father in 2022 holding his hand as he died of the same awful disease!

Dextybooboo · 02/02/2025 22:30

Pregnant with my daughter after two losses and a stillbirth. Had placenta previa. Bled at 32 weeks. Utterly convinced I would loose her tio. Hospitalised until 37 weeks when she was delivered under GA. Many complications but luckily DD absolutely fine. 6 now and I finally feel like I might be coming out of the other side.

MoMandaS · 02/02/2025 22:31

izimbra · 02/02/2025 21:08

My beautiful, gentle, kind, clever teenage son developed severe anxiety, agoraphobia, paranoia, mania and eventually psychosis, and was sectioned for 3 months aged 17. He was diagnosed with bipolar 1 and then schizoaffective disorder.

A year after he was discharged, and his mental health had started to improve a bit, he was diagnosed with chronic myeloid leukaemia, following a routine blood test which he had because of being on anti-psychotics.

My son's life is very, very hard. My life is hard because his life is hard. I can only work part time. I can't switch off the part of my brain that is constantly worrying about his cancer or him going into mania again. Or both.

I'm so sorry that you and your son are going through this.

TaggieO · 02/02/2025 22:32

Having to perform CPR on my newborn when he was only a few weeks old. It was successful, but I’ve never really recovered from the shock, I don’t think.

Zone2NorthLondon · 02/02/2025 22:33

I want to acknowledge the posts, the raw pain. Love & peace to everyone ❤️

Literallywingingit · 02/02/2025 22:34

My divorce, it has changed my children’s lives, my life and and all our futures. I will never be the same person I was and I hate that fact.

Staggeredatthisadmission · 02/02/2025 22:35

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I totally disagree with you @Ineedashero No one is forced to share anythjng and it isn’t a competition. I think some people find it a comfort for to get their words down. It also makes some people realise how lucky we are. Nothing unkind to report here.

feelingfree17 · 02/02/2025 22:36

I am so sorry to read all these truly heart wrenching stories. Life can be so cruel. Just a little reminder to us all to always be kind. We never know what someone may be going through.

Pigeonqueen · 02/02/2025 22:36

So much sadness for those who have lost a child or gone through so much trauma. Life is so unfair.

I have a lot of trauma… abusive childhood (schizophrenic and alcoholic Mum but middle class family so no one really stepped in to do anything as it was the 1980s and as long as Dad was a chief executive and we lived in a nice house it was fine, even though Mum was sectioned and carted off screaming in an ambulance several times a year after trying to murder my Dad.. and then my Dad basically forgetting to feed me because he was totally focused on work and getting cross with me because in my 5 year old desperation I might have eaten a whole loaf of bread etc etc). Lots of stories about it all and I could go on for days. As a 44 year old woman I am still traumatised by some of the things I’ve lived through as a child. Mum stabbing Dad with a fork and then being restrained by ambulance staff is a particular highlight.

Then abusive relationships, terrible PND with my dd (now aged 21), was so suicidal I wanted to throw myself in front of a train. Coupled with my Mum (who I still lived with) shouting at me saying how selfish I was for even having a child and what a terrible person I was.

Being misdiagnosed for 18 months and told I was just anxious and a hypochondriac when I actually had a potentially fatal medical condition (Addisons disease). I was literally dying and no one believed me. I don’t have any faith in anyone medical since this and remain completely terrified from a health perspective (I’ve made several formal complaints and have also gone on to develop other complex health issues).

Mum dying of bowel cancer in 2019 was very difficult. We had a really complex relationship and being honest I was glad she died as it was like I was given a fresh start but the whole thing was just so traumatic as her mental health became absolutely dreadful again and it was like I was a child again and she was back to how she was when I was little.

Tubs11 · 02/02/2025 22:36

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No, shame on you for writing such a nasty post. To even suggest people use their traumatic events as some sort of competition is just vile.

And OP thank you for asking this question. It's made me stop and think about the sadness in my life and has been therapeutic to write it down. It also puts into perspective how no one is without sadness or loss.

louderthan · 02/02/2025 22:37

My dad dying very suddenly and unexpectedly when I was 9. Only just now realising the impact it's had on me after nearly two years of therapy.
More recently my best friend died very suddenly in pretty unpleasant circumstances.

Pigeonqueen · 02/02/2025 22:37

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I actually found it quite therapeutic writing mine out. No one is forcing anyone to post. It’s okay to admit actually life is pretty shit for some of us!

Hushabyelullaby · 02/02/2025 22:37

Oh OP I'm sorry, and also to everyone else on this thread who has had, and is having a really tough time.

At 29 weeks pregnant and over the next 4 months, I became a (what I thought was temporary), wheelchair user. I developed SPD, pre-eclampsia, haemorrhaged in labour and lost 4 pints of blood, started chemotherapy, and my mum was diagnosed with cancer and died 18 days later. And To top it off, using a wheelchair became a permanent thing. If it hadn't have happened to me, I'd think it was a load of bullshit.

Soonenough · 02/02/2025 22:37

I feel so sorry for those of you who have lost their children. It is not the natural order of things and a tragedy that young lives were stopped.

I thought the worst thing that could happen to me was when my mother was diagnosed and died within two weeks . But finding evidence that my DH of over 20 years had betrayed me in so many ways left with PTSD . No idea why it physically affected me so very badly . Years later still not able to think of it without experiencing g a sickening feeling .

Humans are so resilient but without the love and support of others it is very hard to bear . I hope everyone suffering has that support around them.