To ask the hardest thing you have ever been through

[Youngishh]

Currently going through a divorce and it’s got me thinking about things that people go through in life. Although I am struggling with it, the hardest things I have ever been through was an abortion. I have still never got over it tbh.

Death of a parent and relationship breakdowns.

I agree with everyone saying it’s hard to imagine anything worse than the death of a child.

I’m so so sorry for all of the losses you have all experienced 😥

My worse experiences would be a very protracted divorce, and also my daughter being a very sick baby and needing two operations in her first year.

I also found it very difficult going through heartbreak as a young person but I think subjectively I just was someone who found that hard, rather than it being comparable to other people’s worst experiences.

I guess I have had a charmed life as those are the worst things that have happened to me.

The last five years generally. Dad died of heart failure, then the pandemic, one child refusing school and completely depressed and unwell, then sexually assaulted by a boy at her school outside school- police involvement and social services, then bullied at school about it, then she got pregnant and had an abortion, one child self-harming and depressed because her school were closed and she was so worried about GCSEs, and now my mum is dying of cancer. Somehow we all keep buggering on.

I'm so sorry for you and your little girl, its just shit. I found my little boy dead in his cot at 12 months old. My little girls are 8 & 9 and I still check on them in the night. The 8 year old actually sleeps in my bed and I know she's OK because she is not a quiet sleeper (and I'm glad because silence terrifies me), the fear never goes away walking into their rooms.

The ongoing 3 year baseless and pathetic gross misconduct investigation that our employers used to dismiss my DH who had 24 years exemplary service and was extremely well respected and experienced and the fight to clear his name in an upcoming tribunal against his unfair dismissal, while having to go back and work there myself.
at the same time as supporting my elderly, depressed dad look after my paralysed mum who was left unable to speak after a stroke.

i can't really believe there will one day when I don't have it all walking along beside me like an unwelcome dog

although compared to some of you my problems seem like child's play

The illness and death of one parent.
The chronic illness and admission into care of the other parent.

Sending love to you all ❤️❤️❤️

@LadyMacbethWasMisunderstood I can relate - supporting my son through his 3 years of anorexia was incredibly hard, and at times I had the dreadful thought that he'd only find peace through death. We're incredibly lucky that he has recovered, we are 1 year into discharge from CAMHS and he is going from strength to strength. In the worst moments I didn't think we'd ever get here and I am thankful every day that we are. I've lost both my parents, both in fairly traumatic ways, but seeing my son in the thick of a mental illness was worse.

Domestic violence from a psychopath.

@Conniebygaslight I can't find your post but it sounds like we may be in a similar situation with my dd2.

oh no really? so sorry to hear, its awful isn't it.

@Youngishh Burying our daughter after she suffered from cancer and leaving 2 primary age kids.

Infertility.
We eventually adopted 2 children and they have healed us.

❤to everyone on this thread. So much suffering. I'm so sorry.

My DD died, nothing else has come close to that event.

❤Same happened to me aged 11. Never been the same since.

I've had a few things happen over the past five years. All individually painful but the combination of everything is very difficult. Feel like I have no luck and as soon as I get back on my feet something else happens.

Just a big, squashy, grandmotherly hug for everyone.

Probably right now. After 2 missed miscarriages, infertility and a termination at 16 weeks due to the baby having health problems, I finally gave birth last week to my miracle baby. The day we arrived home, I received a call to say that my dad had died suddenly and unexpectedly in an accident.
He was everything to me and i cannot believe that he is gone and I won't see him again and he won't meet the grandchild that he was waiting so long for. I keep picking up my phone to call him and getting hit by a train of grief every time I remember. I am in a different country and couldn't travel long haul 3 days after a c section so missed the funeral and couldn't be with my family.
Going through this with a newborn has been hideous and just so fucking unfair 😥

@onelostsoulswimminginafishbowl I'm so sorry - that is unbelievably rough. One day at a time for now - you've had too much going on to be able to process much more than surviving each day right now. I'm so sorry for your loss :-(

In my early 20s i had 2 really tough years. Had 4 houses in 2 years, had second child and husband had an affair when little one was 8 months. Gulf war 1 kicked off and Husband was deployed within hours of it all starting, less than a month later my Mum died 3 weeks after being diagnosed with cancer. My toddler was really poorly with kidney problems. Posted to Northern Ireland, the terror of putting the children in the car, turning the key and expecting the car to blow up was terrifying, doing that hundreds of times was not good for the heart. Third baby was born after a really a hellish pregnancy that i wasn't expected to survive.
My daughter being rushed into hospital with pre-eclampsia, my tiny little Granddaughter being born with a tumour on her spine and having to go through an operation to remove it. They both made it. Divorce from an abusive man ( physical, sexual and mental) was actually a breath of fresh air.
In the last year, my DH being diagnosed with Bowel cancer( now all clear) and me having a heart attack.
Other than all that shit life has been good.

@Conniebygaslight it is. I can't think how it's come to this

Thank you for sharing your stories. They have given me some solace at a tricky time. I feel less lonely, and encouraged that if you can make it through your experiences, I can make it through mine.
My DS set off to uni bright eyes and bushy tailed. By the time he had done half the year he had completely changed, become unrecognisable. He became withdrawn, aggressive, argumentative, accused me of all sorts, he was even violent. Of course we tried to reassure him that we loved him no matter what and encouraged him to seek help from professionals. Unfortunately the only help he was interested in came in blister packs purchased online. I haven't had the chance to prove that I'd love him no matter what as he walked out of the house 6 months ago and I have heard little from him since.
Reading some of these stories takes gives me mixed feelings. There are plenty of stories of hope about the resilience of young people, so maybe he'll bounce back. There are also stories of estrangement from 18 lasting forever, and I am glimpsing that this could be us. Who knows?
Either way, I am grieving the relationship that I had hoped and expected to have with my DS in adulthood, as are many others around me.
Thank you OP for helping me put this in to words.

There have been threads in the past where the question 'When did you feel you grew up?' has been asked.
I think I bundled through life feeling quite immature and unworldly wise until I miscarried at 16 weeks and gave birth to my perfect baby girl.
I grew up overnight. The saddest thing that's happened to me
I'm sorry for those sharing very sad experiences here x

Being in an abusive relationship for 8 years. My life was constantly threatened as were my childrens. I will never be the same again, but it has turned me into a major empath so that’s a silver lining I guess.