To ask the hardest thing you have ever been through

[Youngishh]

Currently going through a divorce and it’s got me thinking about things that people go through in life. Although I am struggling with it, the hardest things I have ever been through was an abortion. I have still never got over it tbh.

Finding my beautiful 8 year old little girl dead one morning after she passed suddenly in the night.

💗 I’m sorry.

Multiple miscarriages, TFMR and being told my baby had no heart beat. But the worst part is having a mum who doesn’t love, hasnt support me through any it. Saying things like focus on the child you have while actively miscarrying and grieving. I don’t think I will ever get over how cruel she is, when all I’ve wanted is my mum to come hug me.

If this is a journalist I’m never using MN again.

No I am not a journalist I have shared some of my personal stories, although insignificant compared. I can’t believe how resilient we are when life can be so shit

I share both your pain. DD, 15, was diagnosed 2 years ago - I felt like I was somehow in the middle of a movie and not our own lives - the lack of control, the feeling of guilt that I should have done something earlier, the fear of watching her diminish daily and thinking she would never recover.

But she has. She regained a healthy amount of weight and whilst still quite cautious about food, she is in great health. Eats and exercises appropriately, has done well at school, has a very sweet boyfriend and at the weekend had a roomful of school friends over, laughing and whispering till late into the night.

I wasn't sure we would ever get there - but hang on, don't lose hope

I just want to add that I had an eating disorder in my teens. I am fully recovered now after ended up in hospital etc. my mum also said that was the hardest time in her life and I feel guilty for what I put her through.

I didn’t start my periods until I was 17 due to not eating etc and they wasn’t sure they would ever start, but they did and I now have 2 wonderful children. Don’t lose hope

Watching my little sister die. She was 34. She had BPD and had been struggling for so long. She tried to take her own life but ended up in ICU on life support. She was halfway across the world when it happened. My mum and I flew to be with her but she was in a coma and we never got to say goodbye. When we arrived the doctors told us she had zero chance of survival. She was in multiple organ failure with significant brain damage. After 3 days they said we really needed to turn off her machines and let her go because she was suffering. It’s not like you see in the movies. They kept her on the ventilator but turned off the adrenaline that was keeping her blood pressure up and her heart beating. When they turned it off she had multiple violent seizures. She was bleeding internally and on the brain and had gauze everywhere to stop it coming out of her. She was gone within minutes. I have PTSD. I will never forget the way my parents screamed. How I screamed. My knees collapsed and the kindest nurse I’ve ever met held me up and sobbed with me. It was two years ago and I don’t know how to ever be ok again. She was not just my sister but my best friend. The only person who could get me through this is gone.

Some things on here bring me to tears. This is one of them. Possibly because I have a sister that this really struck me.

I'm so sorry for your loss.

My son's funeral and the years since. The pain and grief is awful.

I’m so sorry. Have you looked at adopting a child? How is it that you have no family at all. Sorry I sound insensitive asking thag

I’m so sorry, your raw pain has also brought me to tears.

So sorry for your loss. High grade glioblastoma are a killer. I see it sometimes in my role. A patient once said to me sister please pray for me. I did but also knew how awful his brain scan looked 😢

Close friend of mine is dying of cancer and it’s spread to her brain and the tumours are awful, she is so confused, sometimes in a state between reality and someone else. It’s so heartbreaking to see cancer ravaging her body. Only diagnosed 4wks ago, unlikely to be here in 4wks time. Cancer can 100% get fucked.

I don't think adoption is the answer. I wouldn't want to bring a child into such a lonely set up. Their needs have to come first. I have no family because I am an only child.

I am so, so sorry.

I'm so sorry. The loss of a friend is so underrated. I knew things about her that even her family didn't.
In relation to the hallucinations - I found what helped Lou was not putting her right, don't tell her there's nothing there etc. Just soothe her and try to distract her and tell her repeatedly she's safe, as many times as it takes, that helped Lou anyway. Lean on the nursing team and feel free to advocate for your friend, there's no reason she should put up with being scared.
I'm so sorry. You may not believe it (as I never did) but you're a good friend x

Thank you so much. Such great advice. I have found going along with things is much better than putting her right. I agree about loss of friends being underrated. She is such a close friend and has a difficult relationship with her family. I have struggled a lot this week. Conversations about death are so hard, and not something we do much but they are necessary now. I find it hard my lovely friend is stuck somewhere between reality and somewhere else, but I figure maybe that altered sense of reality of the best thing right now. Thank you so much, and so sorry for the loss of your lovely friend Lou x

having to say goodbye to my 4 year old son as he took his last breath in intensive care from a viral infection to strep toxic shock all in less than 24 hour
miss him dearly

Your pain is tangible, I am so so sorry x

Watching how my drunk father throws my sister head-first on the wall. We were 13 and 10 y.o. Mother never called for help and never left him. This was the day I realised that we (kids) can be killed and nobody will care.
This is nothing though in comparison with so many posts here. I'm so sorry.

Domestic violence. Twenty-five years later, I still have nightmares about that time in my life.

Thank you, we've let her know that but she just isn't interested, he life is getting more and more dangerous.

Being made homeless at just 16: I had a terrible year of starvation, dangerous situations, I was lonely and very sad. I was lucky I was young and resilient and worked my way out.

Losing my Mum when I was 17, but really she had chosen to lose me the year before when she chose a man over me hence the homelessness. Grieving her was terribly hard as I was both totally devastated at her loss and also extremely angry with her. That anger resurfaced again when I had my first child because I just couldn’t understand how she could do it. I really miss having a mum, and I miss the mum she was before all that happened.

Caring full time for MIL with Alzheimer’s, unexpectedly ended up doing her end of life care as as this happened during Covid. It was harrowing and has left me feeling haunted and guilty, I did my best but it really didn’t feel enough.

The hardest though is losing my son during pregnancy unexpectedly giving birth in the hospital bathroom, the screams that came from me, they still echo in my head from time to time. That’s the one time in my life I really wanted to just die, the grief was insurmountable and I both felt it and couldn’t feel it at the same time. It was like an out of body experience, this couldn’t really be happening to me. I also felt so guilty for wanting to die, I just wanted to be with my son and for the pain to stop, but I had other children I had to live for. I knew what losing a parent young does to a child and I didn’t want to do that to them so it kept me going, but my goodness did I resent feeling trapped and alive. I really didn’t feel like I would survive it, I couldn’t see myself surviving it, but I have…it still hurts of course, but it’s his 4th birthday/anniversary soon and I’m still here, though I will never ever be the same person I was before. I don’t know what I believe in, but I do hope that when I die I’ll get love and hold my sweet baby boy again.

I am very glad I’m still here and still living but my god am I so very tired some days.

So much love to you all who have been through such rough times. ❤️