To ask the hardest thing you have ever been through

[Youngishh]

Currently going through a divorce and it’s got me thinking about things that people go through in life. Although I am struggling with it, the hardest things I have ever been through was an abortion. I have still never got over it tbh.

I’m so sorry xx

Honestly my youth life was just a series of traumatic events- emotionally unavailable/very authoritarian parents, sexual abuse, sexual assault at uni, coming to terms with my sexuality, bullying at uni, which all led to a spiral of being in and out of mental health crises from about 18 to 24. My first love also died due to her epilepsy during this time. I had a bad drink problem, self harmed daily, and just generally engaged in reckless behaviour. I was at rock bottom, and very suicidal on and off.

I'm not telling anyone this for sympathy- Age 32, I'm now a mental health nurse (inspired by my own experiences), am in a loving marriage, have lots of friends and hobbies, no longer self harm and can drink sensibly, and I had a lovely baby girl 8 months ago. You can turn your life around. Your life won't always suck, and you can learn to live with trauma. It doesn't feel like it, but bad times always pass.

Your life matters and you will find love, hope, and enjoyment.

My dad dying when I was 20, and then a year after that finding out my mum had been having an affair for several years before he died, and had kept seeing the guy until he turned very abusive and she spent most of the money from my dad's estate on legal fees trying to get a restraining order. That was definitely an abrupt end to my childhood/adolescence.

The day my brother was sectioned, and bundling him into an ambulance heading for a secure MH unit where he was very scared to go, was pretty bad too.

My father's death when I was in my teens, and my own suicide attempt when I was later in my teens. That still pales into insignificance compared to child loss, though. I am so sorry for what so many of you have endured. I am in my forties now, and thriving.

Watching my mum experience domestic abuse in front of me when I was 16. I had to keep it together and protect my younger siblings. My mum stayed because she thought we loved him. (We absolutely didn’t).

My depression a couple of years ago triggered by death of a relative. I was suicidal for a long time. The knock on effect was the breakdown of my own relationship when I realised my ex didn’t know or care how much I was struggling.

My friend dying in a car accident when I was 15.

My horrific divorce.

Losing my beautiful little brother.

Breast cancer (100% divorce related).

Losing my grandparents.

Losing my Mum.

In that order.

My DH passing away suddenly. Our kids were four and six years old.

Being woken up by a police officer when I was 14 telling me my beautiful funny brother (16) was dead and I needed to get up and support my mother.

Lots of love to all of you. So many sad stories.

Mine is my divorce - the acts of betrayal and lies were devastating, particularly with my children so young. After that the loss of my first pregnancy at 16 weeks - the baby died in the womb, and my mother suddenly dropping dead one day. And also the loss of a dear dear friend to cancer.

I can't begin to imagine, I'm so sorry

I had a tough childhood with lots of traumatic elements, but the hardest thing I've ever been through was a brain tumour diagnosis (and the subsequent related diagnoses - epilepsy confirmed just a few days ago).

I think it's because with the brain tumour diagnosis, it's no-one's fault. It isn't like my childhood, where my parents are very much to blame. There's nowhere for my anger at the current situation to go, so it just sits and eats away inside me.

Sorry for your loss.
My little boy was 6 months old. Even 21 years later I still question how I made it through that time in my life. I was 17 years old.
We are stronger than we realise.

So many heartbreaking posts here.

Mine is family court, attempting to keep my child safe whilst cafcass and judges continually excused his behaviour and questioned mine.

I was terrified he would get unsupervised access to our child when he had tried to kill us both whilst I was trying to get us away.

My daughter dying at 6 wks old. Being diagnosed with bilateral borderline cysts on both ovaries a year later while pregnant with my son, resulting in a subsequent hysterectomy was a close second.

No one is exempt from crap happening. It’s just as likely to be me as anyone else.

I relate to this, I have never done well in therapy as I don’t like talking about it but I’ve been working on dealing with it alone and what you said about understanding how many people let you down and the severity of it hits home. I’m sorry you had to go through that too, an internet hug being sent your way.

@AubernFable I’m sorry you’re able to relate. I was in therapy with the same person for 6 years, it took a full 18 months before I could verbalise what happened and to trust her enough to even mention it. It took another 6 months for me to be able to mention it again, and then a long time of picking through it all. It was the hardest thing I’ve ever done but also the best investment in time and money I’ve ever made. I can honestly say I’ve recovered - I’m rarely triggered now and have healthy relationships with clear boundaries.

Please do not hate yourself - you are taking steps to combat the GAD by going for therapy. You are doing your best. I am sure you are a great mum. Sending hugs.

While I was in the A&E safe room with my 8yo, who had tried to end their life, I got the news that one of my parents was dying too.

It was years before I could feel anything properly again.

Abusive/neglectful parents and associated bullying; DP's affair; DC's serious illness.

Sounds very weird but I felt that the first two had prepared me for the last... if I could survive that I could survive anything.

Just be there for her, no questions or blame she is very young and will need you when the time comes.

My grandma telling me my dad wasn’t my real dad when I was 13, just as I was going to sleep. Cried myself to sleep. I really loved him.

So sorry about your little boy too, its just not fair is it, especially when you were so young yourself.
Times like that you either sink or swim, I'm glad we both found the strength to swim x

Listen to my son age 19 on the phone trying to get his words out through heart breaking sobbing to tell me he had found his father (my husband) dead due to suicide. I was 2 hrs away and that drive was so hard when I just wanted to get to my sons.

When I was 9, I lived in a semi detached house and the girl next door was a year older, and my best friend. We were playing in the front garden, my parents were out and my best friends mum was keeping an eye on us both.

I can’t recall why, but her mum had to leave for a while, said she wouldn’t be long and we were to stay in the garden, not to go in the house. Me and my best friend decided to play hide and seek, I was first to hide and went inside their house, up the stairs into her parents bedroom and hid down the side of the bed.

As I was hiding I heard the unmistakable sound of her dad’s car arriving home. I panicked, I wasn’t supposed to be in their house but I froze. He was a huge man, 6’5 and broad. I always thought he was moody, could always hear him shouting through the walls at his family, just an angry man in general.

I heard him coming up the stairs, he was coughing and muttering, I was absolutely terrified and then the bedroom door opened and immediately slammed shut again, and I heard this almighty thud.

I thought he had thrown something, that he had seen me and was silently waiting for me to show myself. But it was quiet, I didn’t dare look for what felt like an age.

When I eventually lifted my head over the top of the bed and looked, he was collapsed against the door, slumped in a heap and I saw he had wet himself.

9 year old me didn’t know what was happening, I was just scared. I tried whispering his name, then shouting it, then shaking him. Nothing worked.

My friend hadn’t seen me come inside the house, she didn’t know I was there. Her mum didn’t return for half an hour or so. I was screaming and banging on the windows, trying hopelessly to rouse him.

He had experienced a huge heart attack, dead the moment he hit the floor, but because of where he was and his huge size, propped against the door, no one could get into the bedroom for what felt like hours, but was minutes, before a neighbour came with a ladder in through the bedroom window.

That time as a 9 year old little girl, trapped in a room with a dead man, screaming and unable to get out or get help traumatised me for decades.

'Choosing' to end my baby's life (TFMR at almost 20 weeks). We and the doctors were so hopeful we could save them and tried everything but it all went very wrong. I've had other very hard times but this is one that I'll never get over and I think it's the worst for me as I had to play an active part in it. I view the pain and suffering I will have for the rest of my life as the price I had to pay to ensure my darling son never had to suffer for a single second.