To want to have sex within the first few dates?

[Pumpkinpiedream]

I would like a long term relationship but I keep reading that to get one , you need to hold out on sex in order to make sure the person is serious about you etc. Apparently if you have sex too soon, they will either dump you after they get it or it will turn into a situationship.
My logic for having sex early is to see how good the sex is basically as that's pretty important to me and also if they are gonna ghost me after sex , I'd rather they did it sooner rather than waiting 6 weeks in to do it and then they ghost me. Thoughts?

I think I had sex on the first date for all my long term relationships. I'm married now, we had sex on the first day and have been together for over 20 years.

Men know, pretty much immediately if you're the one for them. They don't hem and haw. If you shag and he ghosts you; then nothing lost. If he doesn't, then fab.

I am assuming of course you haven't inadvertently hooked up with one of those "what do women bring to the table" types.

If they're going to leave they'll leave whether you give it them straight away or not. You do you.

So the guys you don't care about get sex for free, but decent guys who you actually like, you make jump through hoops?

What's the male equivalent?

"I really like you, so I'm taking you to MacDonalds until I know you like me, but I took my one-night stand to a Michelin star place because I didn't really think it would be a long-term thing."

I had sex on the first date & we’ve been together 5 years, married for 3. There are no rules, do what you want! If the person likes you & wants to further things with you, having sex wont change that.

This was at a factory that employed around 4,500 people. I can assure you her exploits were very well known. Someone asked me which department I was in. When I said where she said oh, you must know Fanny then. This had been going on for many years before I even joined.

No, absolutely nothing wrong with being single at any age. However, she herself used to say that she thought if you gave men want they wanted when they wanted it they would stick with you because they knew they would "never go short". She even tried it with one of the directors because she wanted to be a bosses wife.

Is 8 years ago a different era? Those are the words men used about her. She thought acting the way she did was a sure fire way of getting a long term partner because they would know they would never go short on sex. So, being alone was not her plan. At all. Absolutely nothing wrong with being single at any age. If that is what makes you happy.

I can’t quite believe that men and women approaching 60 are still living in each others pockets, gossiping about each other and who somebody they know is having sex with, and using playground insults like “fanny drop drawers” about each other. That’s genuinely mind blowing for me. I know that I’ve been incredibly fortunate to have the sorts of strong, loving, mutually supportive friendships throughout my adult life that I have, but this sort of thing really highlights quite how fortunate. I can’t conceive of having to live the way you and your friends seem to, mongering gossip and teenage shit like this. It sounds very insular and very sad.

Let me guess. None of the men who were happy to sleep with her were judged for been 'easy' like she was?

Your choice!!! Ignore whatever "they" say. If you want it on the first date they go for it. I knew dh was the one on my first date so my date 3

It’s up to you but always be open with a partner. If you do it within the first few days without communicating with them, it’ll give the impression that that’s all you want.

We waited until we married, lots you can do without actual full on sex.

Pregnancy risk was a real risk and we weren't taking it.

Even now contraception isn't always foolproof so you are both running the risk of pregnancy. May be OK for a relatively long term relationship but a bit haphazard for new ones.

Fair enough!

I've certainly had it, but in my younger years, so maybe that makes a difference. Hopefully if I were in the same situation now, I'd find twattishness a turn off too.

What the hell did I just read?

No self respecting woman would be interested in having a relationship with the kind of gossipy, shallow, judgemental man who would think like that.

This - OP, if you too are looking for an Andrew Tate type misogynist who judges women harshly if they do the same things he does, then absolutely hold out. Otherwise, you're good.

This sort of attitude would certainly put me off those men! Surely if you're a grown adult and fancy each other and are comfortable having sex then why wait a certain time. What sort of bloke is happy to shag someone on the first date but then think badly of her, urgh.

I understand this from the point of view from wanting to be 100% certain you won't fall pregnant, but ignoring that, if you are doing lots of other intimate stuff without PIV what is the difference really with waiting. Its not like giving someone oral for example is less intimate than PIV, it is more intimate IMO.

I'm with you OP, I was relatively wild in my younger years, never found having sex early in a relationship, even 1st date a massive issue, same for my friends however for teens I can totally understand waiting. Fully grown adults, why bother, surely people in their 30s/40s are not out to play games and if they are then you know early on.

It really won’t, unless you promptly ditch them as soon as you put your knickers back on!

Ooh, do please write this, it'd be brilliant :)

As long as you won't feel used or upset if you have sex and then he doesn't pursue a relationship

But why would a woman who wants to have sex immediately for her own reasons feel ‘used’ if the other person doesn’t want a relationship? She may have found him uninspiring in bed, and not be interested in seeing him again. Some people on this thread are very set in the hoary old mindset that sex is something women allow men to do to them.

But to her face they agreed with her that she was a sexually liberated, modern woman who should be able to have sex when and with whom she liked. It was what they were saying behind her back. It's not right but it's what they said. If anyone tried to point this out to her she just said that it was not what they told her.

I mean you can never know can you.

I've certainly been more 'successful' in things developing to relationships when I've waited, but I'll never know if those men would have stuck around if it happened on the first date.

My husband did say that if we'd slept together on the first date he'd have gotten the impression I wasn't looking for a relationship.

But so what, though? It sounds like the most excruciatingly small-minded, parochial group of curtain-twitching men. ‘Being Alone At 58’ sounds like a far better option than marriage to any of these misogynistic princes. Or do you somehow still think the goal is marriage at any price? Imagine bringing up a child of either sex with a man who had such disgusting sexual double standards.

Would he not have been looking for a relationship if he had slept with you on the first date?