Too scared to fly tomorrow

[Hoohootootoo]

Got a holiday booked flying tomorrow, 2 hour flight with my husband and two young children. I am terrified of the flight it’s made me ill today. I don’t think I can do it. What do I do.
I feel on the verge of a panic attack. I already know I have adhd and ocd. I’m so envious of people who have a typical brain 😔

What part are you afraid of?

Flying itself, or flying with young children?

When you booked the flight did you feel in a better place? This happens unfortunately:( do you have any meditation music you could listen to? Is your DH aware of your fears?

Flying and the plane crashing

Planes are very safe

Yes because I’ve always travelled and over the years especially after having children my fear of flying has got worse and worse.
take off is the worst I feel horrendous

Just look at Flightradar 24. See all the thousands of planes up in the sky at any one time, every minute of the day, every day of the year. All taking off and landing as planned, no issues whatsoever.

I feel you OP, and I understand that 'flying is safe' doesn't necessarily help. It's true though. You take far bigger risks every day of the week. I would be more stressed at the idea of navigating the trip with children than the flight itself, but I think on either situation what helps is to refocus. Whatever you can do to ensure your mind is distracted - for me it would be a small puzzle book just to have my brain active somewhere else.

Is this because you are scared of your children dying, or because you’re scared to die and leave your children without their mum?

I’m asking because I started to have similar anxiety after my daughter was born, and things I had done no problem in the past suddenly became terrifying.

Mine was rooted in fear of dying and leaving her. It still is, but has got so much better as she’s got older.

What’s your husband like in terms of both support and parenting? If this was us, he would leave me to focus on basically surviving the airport/flight etc and he would have taken over as super dad, making sure our daughter was so entertained that I didn’t need to worry about her/she wasn’t focused on getting my attention. This then meant that mentally, all I needed to do was breathe and get through it. The fact he swooped in and sort of swept everything up for me also took a lot of the feelings of panic away and I was able to feel so much more grounded.

I find that Rescue Remedy drops really helped me too.

It was definitely triggered for me by our daughter being young and helpless and this led to my absolute terror about something out of my control happening to her (the thought of me - her mum - dying was the crux of my anxiety).

This sounds crazy but it really helps if you put your seat belt on really tight. I read about the psychology of it somewhere but have forgotten the explanation. But I do this and find it really helps.

Valium

I think it’s predominantly the thought that if something were to go wrong it would be absolutely terrifying and is a choice I’d made to book and go on the flight when we could have just continued our nice life on firm soil

I feel exactly the same as you. Ironically I'm abroad at the moment. I do keep flying because if I stop, I won't restart, and I don't want to impact my kids or pass my anxiety onto them. I feel for you though as the terror (and it is terror) is real. I find a discrete one rum and coke or whisky and coke takes the edge off. I don't drink otherwise!

So I have rituals I go through for take off. I hate it too. I always sit near to the stewards and stewardesses as them going through their job makes me feel better for some reason - chatting about their day etc like everything is normal. I have headphones and loud music for take off, I also distract myself with a puzzle book and count to 20. By the time I've counted to 20 we are up and away.

To rationalise this (I’m not sure if rationalising helps you or not), if something were to go wrong - which it won’t - you’d all be together, you’d know nothing about it, and nobody would be left behind grieving or beating themselves up for being responsible for taking your family on the plane in the first place.

Nothing is going to go wrong, and your children will benefit so much from the experience of travelling.

Not practicable.

I hate take off too, used to feel panicky and get white knuckles from gripping the arm rests, but had to hide my fear when I had kids because I didn’t want them to pick up on it. A few years of travelling with them and now it doesn’t bother me half as much.

You will feel a whole lot worse if you miss a family holiday because of this. Big girl pants in, maybe a large G&T at the airport.

Let us know when you’ve landed!!

Would it help when you get to the airport find assisted travel. I do this when I travel with adult son with Adhd . He does not like flying but He finds it easier getting on plane and settled before others get on . He then puts on his headphones and listens to his music while everyone else are boarding.

Think of all the flights you've been on before and how none of those had any problems - so why should this one? Think how you'll feel when your plane lands perfectly safely at your destination and you and your family aren't on it. Your children deserve the opportunity to experience travel.

Have a drink, put a film on your tablet as soon as you get on the plane and focus on that - leave your kids to your DH. Have a great time once you get there!

OP, have you listened to any of the Lovefly podcasts? They are really helpful and I listened to lots last summer before our flight. There is one where it talks you through take off so that you know what is happening. I’ve had hypnotherapy, Valium and I also attended the fear of flying day with Virgin Atlantic. I don’t think I will ever enjoy flying or completely relax, though.

I completely understand what you mean and unless you have this particular fear it’s hard to understand. I have a few things that help me. Headphones and my iPad loaded with films that I have already seen and love - I don’t need to concentrate too hard but it’s distracting enough to help me- and I also have a nice warm scarf or blanket, travel sickness tablets, sweets to suck on take off and landing and my kindle.

Alcohol makes such a difference for me. My fear of flying has waxed and waned over the years but always morning flights or business trips where alcohol would be frowned upon were the worst - I felt noticeably more anxious. Couple of glasses of rosè pre flight and one when up makes all the difference. I'm sure that's why you see so many people drinking at random times in airports - all taking the edge off!

Not prescribed for flying

I can 100% relate to this! I have this exact thought every time I go on holiday abroad. I think a previous poster's advice about FlightRadar is good. It's calming to see how many flights are in the air at any given time, taking off and landing without incident. You are also going on a relatively short flight so you can get it over and done with quickly.

I sympathise completely! Headphones help a lot, I usually listen to a podcast as well, choose someone with a lovely calm voice! Have nice snacks and a good magazine or book in your bag.

Why on earth did you buy the tickets?

I have diazepam (Valium) prescribed for flying. I take one in the morning before the flight and one just before. I also find sturgeon anti travel sickness tablets (can get them over the counter) really help with anxiety nausea. Grab some in boots at the airport and good luck.

It’s only a 2 hour flight so fingers crossed it goes quick. I find downloading a series or film on my phone/ipad and distracting myself helps. Not practical I guess if you have young kids.