Too scared to fly tomorrow

[Hoohootootoo]

Got a holiday booked flying tomorrow, 2 hour flight with my husband and two young children. I am terrified of the flight it’s made me ill today. I don’t think I can do it. What do I do.
I feel on the verge of a panic attack. I already know I have adhd and ocd. I’m so envious of people who have a typical brain 😔

im not scared of flying but I do get travel sick. I have discovered that travel sickness tablets sort of make me feel a bit chilled out and relaxed. I took some before going on a bus in Morocco which was going around tiny roads on the mountains..ordinarily i would be a nervous wreck but they relax me as well as making me not feel sick. Worth a try if you don’t want to go down the Valium route.they usually sell them over the counter at airports

I have a terrible fear of flying, so it’s drugs & alcohol for me. I used to use Diazepam, but they won’t perscribe it anymore .. so drowsy travel sick pills, and a couple of glasses of red.

I repeat "It's a flying bus, it's a flying bus" in my head until we level out. It helps me but I can see it might not be for everyone.

I’m also a fearful flier.

last time I flew I reminded myself that the odds of a fatal incident is approximately 1 in 15 million.

I mean wow. What odds, right? I drive every day, multiple times and the risk of a fatal car accident is far higher.

Are you driving to the airport OP? If so, you are far more likely to die on the way to the airport than when you fly to your destination. If you get to the airport alive then you have just completed your most dangerous part of the journey and so can relax.

But that’s logic and I know that fears often aren’t rational.

How about this… I get much more nervous flying alone, as I worry that if something were to happen then I’d leave my children motherless. However, if we are all together on a flight, at least we’ll all die quickly together and no one will be left alone. Very morbid, I know, and maybe a bit fucked up, but it helps me relax 😬

This is usually what people who have a phobia of flying are afraid of.

DS used to literally have to go to the loo just at the thought of going on a plane.

It was really bad.

He did get diazepam from the GP but he said it didn't really help- just made him drowsy and forgetful of where his luggage was.

What ''cured'' it was flying long haul to New Zealand from London, then other long haul trips and lots to Madeira which is so say a ''skilled pilot'' airport because of wind shear and the terrain.

He's flying this month to Amsterdam.. all without tranquillisers.

I probably get more nervous than him these days.

But you could also die in a car crash driving to the other side of town. Statistically you are more likely to die in a car crash than a plane crash. Think of all the people you personally know who have died. Friends, family, neighbours, etc. How many of them died in a plane crash?

Look at it rationally, you've probably a higher chance of winning the lottery or dying in a car crash on the way to the airport than being in a plane crash.

I have always been very afraid of flying but I recently realised that claustrophobia is a big element of the fear for me. Understanding that does help. I felt a lot of shame but now I think that actually fear of flying is completely rational. Not because it’s not safe but because it’s a completely unnatural thing for a human to do. You are stuck in a metal tube high in the air. Of course your brain is telling you it’s scary! You have to make yourself do it, but don’t beat yourself up for how you feel.

I totally understand your terror OP, I was fine until suddenly I got the Fear. I continued to make myself fly - strangely I'm fine at 35,000', I really like looking out of the window! But at that height its as if the ground has no relevance to me (I know this is totally illogical). It's take-off and landing that terrify me BECAUSE of the proximity to the ground!

Although I haven't flown since 2008, and have no intention to, I got through the Years Of Fear by watching the flight attendants (their nonchalance was a balm, even in severe turbulence), deep breathing (inhale via nose, exhale slowly via mouth) and praying!

You can do this. Its like childbirth - it might kill you but the end result is worth it.

I wonder what the stats are for death in childbirth compared to female deaths in planes?????🤔

OP - can I help? My daughter is a student pilot so I can advise on heaps of things!

Feel the fear and do it anyway 💪🏻

Can you try and reframe it OP, e.g. you are afraid of the flight but what is something nice you will be doing once you get there? You are afraid of flying but you get to go on a lovely family holiday. My DH is a pilot, please be reassured that they train for absolutely every scenario and the number one aim of their job is to ensure your and the aircraft’s safety. Please also tell the cabin crew how you are feeling once you board and they will look after you.

Do you take any sort of medication already for the ocd? When I’m having a bit of a bad time with my anxiety, my doctor recommended taking an extra half a dose of my antidepressant and it gets me over the hill so to speak. Highly recommend noise cancelling headphones and an eye mask to shut down your fight or flight response. Then reward yourself with a stiff drink!

Yes please any info would be great

No prob! I see from your earlier posts that take off is worrying you, as is crashing.

Take off - the pilots are very highly trained as this along with landing is the challenging part. There is one pilot flying, and one pilot monitoring. The monitoring pilot is watching everything.....speed, engines, absolutely everything. The pilot flying is controlling the plane with a stick or yoke, plus their feet. If there's anything out of "normal ", the pilot flying will stop the roll and will not take off. There's a certain point where the plane must leave the ground, but if theres anything wrong after that point the flying pilot will fly a circuit, troubleshoot and most likely land.
The cabin crew are seated during take off and the inital climb. It feels fast - because it is, and the G force pushes you into your seat. All normal. You'll hear the gear retract very quickly, again this is normal. The plane engines will reduce after take off - they use lots of power to get off the ground but need far less to climb to the cruising altitude. Don't be alarmed when you hear them roll back on power. All normal. The plane will cruise at a given height (which depends on other air traffic, weather and how far your destination is). The cabin crew will begin service. If they're walking about, all is normal! They may sit during turbulent parts but pilots won't fly through clouds and weather that cause turbulence if they can possibly avoid it.
You might hear and feel the speed brakes deploying - these are bit of the wing used to slow the plane if they're going a bit fast for a million reasons - but usually due to passing traffic. Air traffic control give these instructions. You might hear and feel the gear coming down - this means you're landing very soon. The gear stays up as long as possible as it causes drag. The gear comes down, you land with a thud and the braking will feel heavy depending on the runway length. My local runway is very short so.planes brake hard.
If the pilots can't land safely, they'll conduct a "go around". This can be due to weather, birds, something on the runway but ultimately it can be much safer to go around and try again. This is noisy and will push you back into your seat as they use take off thrust to get to 3/4000 feet. They'll fly a circuit and come in again. All totally normal.
My daughter is a student pilot, she's 17 and been flying for 18 months. If she can do it, so can you.
Any other worries I can address? I can't take away the worry of crashing but I can say it's so VERY rare. Pilots are so highly trained, and planes maintained to the highest standards.

Search "mentour pilot." They have resources for nervous fliers and a message board for encouragement before, during and after a flight.

If you have adhd - you'll probably appreciate data. Statistics show that you are safer in a plane - lean into the facts ❤️, and a G&T won't hurt 😀

You should book on a fly without fear course. They really do work. My ds had to get off a plane once as couldn't do it - we did the course and now he has done lots of flight, to the US so decent flight times.

I second Mentour Pilot 👌

It might be worth doing a fear of flying course (a friend of mine did one with Virgin or BA and she was able to fly after many, many years of crippling fear). If not, buy the Air Pilot's Manual Volume 1: Flying Training book. It'll explain everything about how planes work! It's a riveting read.

You'll be ok. I know the very recent news won't be helping but please try and remember...it's made the news in a big way because it's SO rare.

I also vote give lovefly podcast a listen! Especially the episode about turbulence. I’ve had hypnotherapy in the past but found having a better understanding about planes and flying in general eased my concerns massively!

You can get on the flight.

You will land safely.

Do not let this irrational fear control your life.

Also try rescue remedy. Avoid alcohol as the lack of control you’ll feel will heighten your senses and you’ll feel worse.

I don’t like take off either, but listen to the podcast, it will help.

My grandad (used to be flight engineer for many years) always says the most dangerous part of the flight is getting to the airport! Planes are the safest mode of transport although I know hearing that may not be of much reassurance…

On a practical level, recently went on a flight with my step-dad who really isn’t keen on flying either. He took a Kwells (travel sickness pill) which potentially might have had a relaxing effect plus tons of Rescue Remedy pastilles which not sure whether psychological but it seemed a more positive journey and seemed to help so might be worth a try?…the pastilles also gave him something practical to do as such so we could just prompt him and keep plying with them 😂

It's normal to develop a fear of flying as an adult. I feel like I've completely overcome it now. Take it one step at a time, OP. You will be fine and it's great for your family to have this time together and experience a holiday together.

If I felt how you do Id buy some kalmz and get 2-3 positive affirmations in your head over the course of the evening. (Google for them and choose ones that speak to you). Every time you think something scary force your brain to think these affirmations.

On the plane I used to slowly count to 100 on take off and use an eye mask to keep myself calm. I remember kind of shouting the numbers in my mind.

Take it all one step at a time.