Too scared to fly tomorrow

[Hoohootootoo]

Got a holiday booked flying tomorrow, 2 hour flight with my husband and two young children. I am terrified of the flight it’s made me ill today. I don’t think I can do it. What do I do.
I feel on the verge of a panic attack. I already know I have adhd and ocd. I’m so envious of people who have a typical brain 😔

@Hoohootootoo

3 things - one, you don't want to pass this onto your kids, right? Come on, if they can do it, so can you

• go on flight radar and have a look at how many (SO MANY) flights happen per day)
• its too late now, but have you read the easy way to enjoy flying?

from a fellow fliggt fearer!

PS you can do it!!!

I suggest latte, pre flight is the only time I can drink it. I'm not scared of flying but get butterflies beforehand.

If you switch it round, If there are so many planes, one could land on you or your house, what’s the difference if you are in it or under it. Guess that’s not helpful as I’ve just doubled you worries, but it’s a bit like worrying about being in a car accident but ignoring that pedestrians are hit by cars too.

I like this. I don't love take off and HATE turbulence. Did a very long flight last year and it was very bumpy. kept saying to myself, turbulence is uncomfortable but not dangerous, over and over. Kept me going

Hope you got on okay - late in the day but seriously recommend doing a flying with confidence course with British airways.

my partner hadn’t flown for 10 years + and hated it. He did the course and since then has flown frequently including flights to America from UK

things that helped him - having an elastic band on his wrist which he used to deflect apparently this sends different signals to the brain to focus on that as opposed to fear. Watching his favourite show as soon as plane gets moving. Breaking down the flight time into playlists and episodes of tv shows.

I sympathise OP. I'm also completely terrified. I managed a couple of years ago by putting on a 'brave face' for my DC. Rationalised it with if anything did happen, I would be the most prepared and unsurprised person on the plane. You just have to get through the flight time. There is no distraction for me, I just have to be in it.

My mum swears by taking an anti histamine, which may actually be good for you with ADHD. I think I probably am Autistic and have ADHD too (my DC are diagnosed). A lot of it is a control thing for me, I think.

This post is perfect for me! I’ve been travelling with 2 young kids (2.5 and almost 1) since November. We were living close to our native country at first so it wasn’t too bad but we just flew all the way to South East Asia. 12 hours with 2 young kids! It sounds like a horror story. And guess what? It wasn’t. We was so shocked by how easy the second flight was they didn’t even make a peep. On the first my they did but you’d be surprised how many other kids might be there and they just make a band of noise together. I was so scared it was making me sick as well but now it’s over with I can’t remember a single face on them flights. Take a deep breath and tell yourself it’ll be okay because it will. And if it’s bad in the moment it’s fine because you will forget and trust me everyone else will too.

It's probably a bit late but two options are -

Hypnotherapy
Muscle relaxant from gp.

Failing that you can try rescue remedy or cbd oil.

Things that help me the day before flying:

• The likelihood of being in a plane crash is almost the same as winning the lottery and obviously I don't think I'd ever win the lottery
• Looking at the hundreds of previous flights doing the very same journey every day/every few days.
• Reminding myself I don't panic when I drive somewhere, even though statistically speaking I'm far, far, far more likely to be in a car accident. Car accidents aren't very rare, and I'm not scared of that happening.

Things that help me during take-off:

• I set a 7 minute timer. If I can get through the first 7 minutes, I know I'll be okay.
• Listening to music and reciting the lord's prayer during those first 7 minutes.
• Having a movie I know I'll be really into or a book I've already started and can't wait to finish reading
• Snacks are also a good distraction

Have a great time!

"Glorified bus, glorifies bus..." This mantra helps me. When you land (and you will land safe and sound) congratulate yourself for getting it done.

Take a glossy fashion magazine. Although I find I'm clutching it in sweaty hands, I find the frivolity calming. Use it to plan a fantasy summer wardrobe.

Listen to the radio comedy series Cabin Pressure. It's about a small charter plane business and is not only incredibly funny, it takes the fear away because flying is their bread and butter and totally normal.

Omg I'm the same! I just hate being crammed in with loads of other people, it makes me panic. Actually I've been half ok for a while, then I caught norovirus from a flight back from the US a few months ago 🫣

Don't do this unless you think it will help you, but I used to have a pretty severe phobia of flying. I started reading plane crash statistics for commercial aviation. It helped a lot.

A lot of it is to do with the fact it's not really that natural. It's perfectly okay to not want to be in a metal box soaring through the sky. But the reality is that it is perfectly safe. Statistically, flying is far safer than a lot of things we do everyday.

I understand, I have flown many times in the past but not since Covid and I needed diazepam the last few times, I think I’m too anxious now to even try and do it with that. I’ve been worrying about flying after the two air crashes in America this week and I don’t even have a flight booked, I know technically it’s the safest way to travel but I hate the idea of having no control and the fact if something goes wrong there’s no hope. I guess ultimately though none of us know how we die and at least if the plane goes down you all go together, who knows if you don’t go a freak accident or a terror incident or something could hit you at home or in your town next week and kill one of you and then you’d be regretting not going on the holiday and being safe abroad!

Hi @Hoohootootoo im scared of flying too- I’m part of a supportive FB group - for the flight tomorrow will it help to go through this checklist so it becomes a task to distract you? You will be absolutely fine- the anticipatory anxiety is the worst- and that’s what you are feeling. Your feelings are not facts- but don’t surpress them either. Ride it like a wave- it’ll pass

I have had a similar fear of flying lately and it got much worse since I had kids. I have been flying since I was a baby as relatives live abroad so didn't understand why this got worse with age - though when you see news over the years this probably impacts our feelings too. Although I fear it, it never stops me from travelling and I will not let my fear affect my family's lifestyle or experiences. However, there are some great courses through EasyJet and BA (you have to pay or get a few free videos) which can help. Just think we are in the hands of experts. Pilots and crew with years of training and experience who fly planes every single day. It's their job. As we speak hundreds of planes are taking off, landing and flying and all is fine. Turbulence is my biggest issue which makes me freak out but someone once explained to me imagine the plane is in the middle of jelly. It is firm and cannot fall through the jelly but it's just wobbling a bit and it can't fall down through that jelly. Try and look at the positive. We have this amazing mode of transport that gets us to a beautiful place in the world where crew and experts dedicate their lives to deliver that to us. Tbh with all the crime going on in my area at the moment I'm more worried about being attacked on the street and would give anything to fly away on holiday!

@Velvian Im so with you here. Got through a 14 hour flight (and back of course) last year by putting a brave face on it for DC. I absolutely cannot be distracted! (in fact, putting on a movie distracts me from keeping a lookout for anything going wrong with the plane - that the pilots and air hostesses are missing of course 😂)

This article really helped me.
The woman was neurotic and had all the thoughts I had which helped me see that my fear was normal and not an indication that I had a sixth sense!
www.neverendingfootsteps.com/how-i-overcame-my-fear-of-flying/#:~:text=I%20Headspaced%20My%20Fears%20Away&text=Just%20having%20lower%20anxiety%20levels,me%20down%20before%20a%20flight.

I absolutely hate take off and any bump terrifies me but then I do think any car journey, any walk is a risk as can get hit, you could choke on food and the lost goes on, I would rather we see elsewhere than stuck here.

every single move you make is a risk and you never think about it.

I could have wrote this post you sound just like me! I did it last year it wasn’t easy but I did it. You’re children will make you brave for them, you absolutely can do it :) if you feel fear and panic that’s fine so did I just let it be and breath through it x

I was exactly the same as you and I can't recommend this free online course highly enough, it has transformed my experience of flying. There are specific chapters to listen to as you are travelling through the airport and getting ready for take off and taking off and cruising etc:
www.flyingwithoutfear.com/first-class/the-complete-audio-guide-to-overcoming-your-fear-of-flying/

I have a phobia of flying. I'm not 'just' terrified, if someone held a gun to my head I still couldn't get on a plane (I flew for many years prior). Most people don't understand phobia, they see it through a prism of just not really liking something. It's the same with OCD, consensus is that that too is free choice.

I don't think AIBU is the place to find solace in such matters. I hope you manage it tomorrow - good luck 😊

A friend of mine did a course like that and she’s so confident now that she helps run them herself.

@Hoohootootoo you’re in more danger driving to the airport than flying. I hope you’ll feel able to go on your holiday.

I’ve been to therapy because of fear of flying and one thing that really helps me is to get over with worrying by worrying to my heart’s content. Go ahead, scream, imagine the plane crashing etc. I can guarantee that in 5 min you’ll tire out of being scared. Let your brain feel the whole range. Tomorrow take some anti sickness medicine (you can buy it from the airport) and have a glass of wine, also llook at the flight radar. See how many planes take off and land each second? You’re going to be ok ☺️

My GP prescribed me temazepam - valium - when I explained my fear of flying. With that, headphones, eye mask, neck pillow, glass of wine, I was good. Stopped caring if we would crash. Husband took care of kids

You can do it. Focus on the small achievements to get you there. Just one thing at a time. Don't ask yourself can I go on the flight? That is too big a goal. Think, can I check-in? Yes. Can I queue? Yes. Can I play a game or read / color with the kids to pass time? Yes . Practice some breathing exercises, count backwards from 1000 etc when you need to calm down.
I understand how you feel as it's not unlike me. However I know that we need to fill our lives with good times and experience our world. That's part of living. I'll be thinking of you tomorrow and sending positive vibes, rooting for you. Get a good rest tonight ❤️