Annoyed at being told to drive safe

[Tillybud81]

So I've got a male freind who I've only known a few months, we message a bit but nothing more than freinds. I've just been away on a bit of a trip in my car to visit family and he's sent messages telling me to drive safe, asking if I've arrived safely, telling me about the state of the roads, etc. He checked in asking if I had a nice day, and if I was ok, I messaged him to say I had a lovely time visiting my family and I'm heading back now, all he said was 'drive safe please'

Now I don't know if he's a worrier (doesn't seem to be in person), or if he's just being nice but it's starting to grate on me. I hate being told to 'drive safe' or 'be safe' as if I'm just driving around like a lunatic all the time. My mum has always said similar to me whenever I went out, but thats different, mums worry. Plus I've known this man all of 5 minutes really, it just seems OTT

Anyway does if grate on anyone else being told to be careful/safe when just goin about normal daily life?

Yabu. It's what surely everyone says ...it's means someone cares about you. I certainly say it and I hear it said all the time. It's not about anyone's driving it's about hoping the drive is event less and safe....

It's a standard expression. "Take care" or "Drive safely". I'd say it to dh, my dc, my colleagues if they were doing a long journey.

What I don't get is the signs that say:

"Welcome to Little Villageinthemiddleofnowhere. Please drive carefully."

Has anyone ever seen those signs and thought: "I was going to drive carelessly, but now I've seen those signs I won't"?

I'm far too nosey to just distance. I'd have to know WHY he does it. I think one of the following might get a response:

"Have you been having premonitions or something?" (or if you just want rid eventually go with "do you see dead people?")

or

"Well, pf course I'll try. But my oil light keeps coming on even though I keep filling it up, and lately I've found I really have to press hard on the brakes. Not to mention the fact that I think my front left tyre is a bit bald. I must get that seen to... But I've just renewed my car insurance so it'll be reet."

Agreed. That would be the only thing that might irritate me about this. Drive safely is what I actually say.

I get you @Tillybud81 and I'm surprised so many people think it is just kindness and him caring about you. It goes beyond that.

It would annoy me too, especially the 'please' at the end of 'drive safely please', because it gives the distinct impression that he thinks you are a terrible driver and incapable of driving safely unless he tells you to, and then he feels the need to check afterwards that you did as you were told. It is really patronising.

Some people just say things out of habit, like 'Take care' or 'Look after yourself'. But I understand your annoyance. I had a (male) friend who used to tell me when it was safe to cross the road (I was over 50 at the time!) He said he did the same with his male friends but I'm not sure I believed him. I told him to stop it and he did.

Similar @LillyPJ - we had a male relative (long since passed) who would always insist on coming out of his house to give directions, waving me out and this way and that as I reversed out of his driveway (into a deserted side street, not a main road) when we were leaving. He never used to do it when DH was driving.

Are you trying get offended on purpose? Honestly.

No, the OP isn't overthinking this. He's not contacting her afterwards and saying 'journey okay then?' which would be a normal thing to do, he's continuing to ask whether she drove safely or not. 'Drive safe please' is an instruction you give to someone you don't trust to do so otherwise.

I’m with the OP here. A throw-away drive safe comment is fine and would be normal interaction, but it’s more than that and I can see why it’s annoying.

Bloke clearly wants to be more than friends and sounds a bit overbearing and slightly stalky. I’d stop messaging him back. You don’t have any obligations to let him know your whereabouts.

I’ve said it loads of times never follow it up also its not based on what I perceive there level of competence as a driver
it’s a casual comment

but you can twist it to fit any narrative if you are looking to be deliberately offended

Really? That's batshit..you, not him.
I said, 'safe flight,' to DD yesterday, she isn't the one flying the plane. Surely you recognise it as a term of endearment.

Drive safe please makes it sound slightly odd, the please I mean. Has he had someone die in a car crash? Did you get back safely is odd, no Dave I'm actually dead and talking to you from heaven. They are like terminating cliches, saying stuff for the sake of it and not really caring about the answer, just a thing to say - can he do proper conversation? I am sensitive to this as my mother does the terminating cliche thing.

Even if he fancies her I'd interpret that as a way of continuing the conversation, not questioning her driving because she's a woman.

@Tillybud81 how well do you know him after a few months? I’m wondering if maybe he has anxiety driving himself, been in an accident, or could he have lost someone close to him in an RTA? His concern seems higher than average, maybe there’s a traumatic event that’s caused it. I lost a family member to an accident and I know I’m probably someone who displays the same level of concern.

To be honest OP , the bad grammar would get me in the end too!

Message back "how do you think I'm going to drive, you idiot?"

Hi OP,

I’ve seen this happening a good few times - a male friend starts being overly concerned about your welfare and asking for texts when you arrive somewhere/get home from a night out (that they’re not on).

He definitely wants more than friends and it is grating when you don’t. It feels a bit entitled and possessive - as if you have suddenly become precious just because they’ve taken a fancy to you. Or as if they’ve read a book that women like that sort of “protective” male behaviour (even though they’re not actually doing anything to protect you - just demanding texts).

It’s totally different than when the same is done by a parent or partner who genuinely loves you and so feels genuine concern. The behaviour OP is doing is to get a (positive) reaction from her.

The best way I judge if it’s out-of-line is I think “Could I do the same to a male friend or would they find it weird”. If the answer is “No” and “Yes” and I don’t want anything romantic with the guy, I just ignore the texts.

Thank you, someone finally gets it!!

All these people calling me batshit cos their DH says it to them all the time, that's lovely but he's not my DH is he?

And no I don't know him well enough to know he hasn't had some trauma before involving driving or travelling, but this is kind of the point I'm trying to make

Just looking back at his messages, in the space of 3 days I had messages with safe/safely in them 7 times, and I only sent him 8 messges in that times. Bit much no?

He's not Irish is he?

I totally get you, OP! This is established male dating behaviour when they want to “develop” a friendship - I recognised it immediately as I’ve seen it multiple times.

It’s hard to explain if someone hasn’t seen it before - maybe because they have been married for a long time.

It’s not bad behaviour necessarily but it is manipulative in the sense that it is designed to provoke a certain reaction in you. Maybe ive experienced it more times than im aware of and sometimes its worked. But, you are very conscious of it when it isn’t working as it feels a bit oppressive. It’s also hard to call out without looking unkind. I’d just ignore all those particular types of messages.

Surely its applicable to people that are acquaintances even more so than people you're close to as its an easy, non personal thing to say to someone, like a social verbal tic

Purely on messages, not in person, and very randomly sent not just after a whole conversation? Oh and 7 times in 3 days?