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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Annoyed at being told to drive safe

114 replies

Tillybud81 · 01/02/2025 14:50

So I've got a male freind who I've only known a few months, we message a bit but nothing more than freinds. I've just been away on a bit of a trip in my car to visit family and he's sent messages telling me to drive safe, asking if I've arrived safely, telling me about the state of the roads, etc. He checked in asking if I had a nice day, and if I was ok, I messaged him to say I had a lovely time visiting my family and I'm heading back now, all he said was 'drive safe please'

Now I don't know if he's a worrier (doesn't seem to be in person), or if he's just being nice but it's starting to grate on me. I hate being told to 'drive safe' or 'be safe' as if I'm just driving around like a lunatic all the time. My mum has always said similar to me whenever I went out, but thats different, mums worry. Plus I've known this man all of 5 minutes really, it just seems OTT

Anyway does if grate on anyone else being told to be careful/safe when just goin about normal daily life?

OP posts:
Wonderi · 01/02/2025 18:41

People always tell me to drive safely and vice versa.

Its the same as have a nice day, have a nice evening out, have a safe flight, get home safely etc.

This is definitely a you issue.

Sounds as though perhaps you just don’t want to be his friend anymore.

Brefugee · 01/02/2025 18:43

My DH always says it to me. It's just one of those meaningless things like "wrap up warm".

I always reply "no I'm going to drive like a maniac as usual" and that is that.

GottaShiftThesePounds · 01/02/2025 18:45

My nan used to always say this to everyone . I miss it.

Disturbia81 · 01/02/2025 18:51

@BreezySqueazy Yeah they start thinking you must mean they need all the luck they can get etc. Life is too short to feel so offended, negative and sensitive.

Original poster
Tillybud81 · 01/02/2025 18:56

I see no-one actually wants to respond to my last update, all good.

I'm fine with general niceties of just a throw away drive safe, stay safe to a family member or close freind, but a drive safe please, followed by a did you get there safe followed now by a are you ok, from a person I barely know is just pushing it a bit far.

Maybe those that mentioned he wants more from me are right, but I definitely can't deal with constant worry wort kind of messages from him. Too intense.

Thanks to all those that think I'm a horrible person though 🙄 I'll give you his number

OP posts:
AnnaAkhmatova · 01/02/2025 19:02

I'd find it a bit smothering.

It's the sort of thing I might say if someone I was close to had a really long solo journey or the weather was atrocious. But I'd be more likely to say something like 'I hope you don't get held up.' Or 'let me know when you get home.'

People now seem to be more into constantly monitoring each other - eg trackers on the phone. I prefer to give - and be given - a bit more space.

TeaAndTattoos · 01/02/2025 19:13

He’s just being nice that’s all he’s not saying it because he thinks your a terrible driver there are a lot of idiots on the roads you can drive as safely as you like but it doesn’t mean that the car behind you is a safe driver. I tell
my DH to be careful and get home safely and he’s on a bicycle I say the same thing to my mum and ask her to message me when she gets home I don’t for one minute think she’s a bad driver I just care about her and want her to get home safely my mum says the same thing to me and I only get the bus everywhere.

Topseyt123 · 01/02/2025 19:21

Your title does say that you are annoyed by it, so that's quite likely why people think that you have taken offence. It does sound that way.

It wouldn't occur to me to be at all bothered by anyone who said this. Even if they were just a friend.

I said it to my DH twice today, and to two of my DDs too. Perhaps they should be annoyed with me. 🙄😃 They don't seem to be though.

SmileEachDay · 01/02/2025 19:25

Tillybud81 · 01/02/2025 18:56

I see no-one actually wants to respond to my last update, all good.

I'm fine with general niceties of just a throw away drive safe, stay safe to a family member or close freind, but a drive safe please, followed by a did you get there safe followed now by a are you ok, from a person I barely know is just pushing it a bit far.

Maybe those that mentioned he wants more from me are right, but I definitely can't deal with constant worry wort kind of messages from him. Too intense.

Thanks to all those that think I'm a horrible person though 🙄 I'll give you his number

Edited

Snippy, OP.

LlynTegid · 01/02/2025 19:26

About 25% of those behind the wheel for one reason or another should not have a licence, some of them it should be temporary, others for ever. Many because of their conduct whilst behind the wheel.

Over 1600 people were killed last year in road crashes (I don't use the word accident, as many are avoidable with simple changes to the way some people drive).

I am not offended if someone wants me to do my utmost not to add to that death toll.

scalt · 01/02/2025 19:28

Remember when Mumsnetters used to froth about people saying “stay safe” in 2020 and 2021?

It’s all about the way it’s said. As an off handed remark: fine. Said in a concerned tone every time, with a head tilt and worried look in eyes: not so fine.

Vitriolinsanity · 01/02/2025 19:31

I tell my DS17 to mind the roads every single morning. It's just a thing you say to someone you care about.

GinToBegin · 01/02/2025 19:33

Tillybud81 · 01/02/2025 16:40

From a DP or DH yes it is, from a man I barely know though?

Show quote history

It’s a courtesy, a nicety, a little touch of human interaction. Unclench a bit, accept it for what it is and move on with your life.

Vitriolinsanity · 01/02/2025 19:33

Thinking about it, what I actually say is "mind the road, don't get squashed like a hedgehog".

He eyerolls every morning.

Usernamesarenoteasy · 01/02/2025 19:35

I say it to my teenager every single time they leave the house to drive anywhere.
If I don't say it, they stand there and wait and remind me until I do!

BringOnFebBankHoliday · 01/02/2025 19:38

Tillybud81 · 01/02/2025 18:56

I see no-one actually wants to respond to my last update, all good.

I'm fine with general niceties of just a throw away drive safe, stay safe to a family member or close freind, but a drive safe please, followed by a did you get there safe followed now by a are you ok, from a person I barely know is just pushing it a bit far.

Maybe those that mentioned he wants more from me are right, but I definitely can't deal with constant worry wort kind of messages from him. Too intense.

Thanks to all those that think I'm a horrible person though 🙄 I'll give you his number

Edited

If he's someone you barely know just drop him. He's obviously not your kind of person.

Disturbia81 · 01/02/2025 19:39

Usernamesarenoteasy · 01/02/2025 19:35

I say it to my teenager every single time they leave the house to drive anywhere.
If I don't say it, they stand there and wait and remind me until I do!

That's so sweet!

Goody2ShoesAndTheFilthyBeast · 01/02/2025 19:41

I think it's one of those meaningless pleasantries really.

You could always say well, I was planning to drive 90 and have a good game of whack a granny but now you've said that...

If he's got a sense of humour that is.

Goody2ShoesAndTheFilthyBeast · 01/02/2025 19:42

Tell him it irritates you

AMurderofMurderingCrows · 01/02/2025 19:42

Tillybud81 · 01/02/2025 18:56

I see no-one actually wants to respond to my last update, all good.

I'm fine with general niceties of just a throw away drive safe, stay safe to a family member or close freind, but a drive safe please, followed by a did you get there safe followed now by a are you ok, from a person I barely know is just pushing it a bit far.

Maybe those that mentioned he wants more from me are right, but I definitely can't deal with constant worry wort kind of messages from him. Too intense.

Thanks to all those that think I'm a horrible person though 🙄 I'll give you his number

Edited

Hmmmm, I think a lot of things annoy you OP 🤔

Original poster
Tillybud81 · 01/02/2025 20:08

AMurderofMurderingCrows · 01/02/2025 19:42

Hmmmm, I think a lot of things annoy you OP 🤔

Show quote history

Yes they do, people comparing an acquaintance saying this to me several times in two days to them saying it to their DP/DH/DC and so forth is quite irritating.

I really can't imagine anyone on here texting someone they barely know the literal and only 3 words of 'drive safe please'

OP posts:
zeroherox · 01/02/2025 20:25

I think it's their way of showing they care, possibly more than you realise.

Normally if someone says this to me I say jokingly I will (drive carefully) it's everyone else! To lighten the serious mood.

I don't think it's a criticism or anything negative, the opposite infact.

AnnaAkhmatova · 01/02/2025 20:31

I would only go out with someone who uses adverbs properly.

Original poster
Tillybud81 · 01/02/2025 20:34

Sorry all, I think I just wanted a rant about him, he's definitely not just being nice though and I think I know that deep down. There's more to him and I think that’s why he's never been more than acquaintance, time to distance

And just to clarify I didn't take his comment as a criticism of my driving, because ironically he doesn't know me well enough to have any idea how I drive, just an irritation of a level of care I don't actually believe is genuine (it feels like lovebombing)

Anyway thanks for all the replies that I'm an ungrateful cow (joking..I'm joking) I'll take it on board

OP posts:
RosesAndHellebores · 01/02/2025 20:36

As a pp has said, "drive safe" would be a deal breaker for me. It should be drive safely. I couldn't stick such poor grammar and the potential partner would not become one.

DH and I regularly tell each other to drive safely. I regularly tell the grown up DC to stay safe.