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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Would you hire a morbidly obese Nanny?

606 replies

whompingwillo · 01/02/2025 11:50

I would like to hire someone we’ve met for my 9 month old baby. She’s fab, great with kids, lovely, I have no concerns.

I would estimate her BMI is 50-60 and my husband noticed that it is a struggle for her to get up and down off the floor and he is worried that if baby was in danger she may struggle.

So what would you do? Do you think that weight could impact a job like this? I’m sure people of this weight have their own children and are safe to look after them?

YABU - morbid obesity could impact her ability to do this job

YANBU - she’ll be fine

OP posts:
Beetlebumz · 02/02/2025 20:19

I’m sorry, I wouldn’t. I would worry they wouldn’t have the energy for the job.

Nenen · 03/02/2025 04:44

@Bornnotbourne and @Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz I’m amazed to hear neither of you think the wonderful Dawn French and Lisa Riley were morbidly obese!

For the record, Morbid Obesity is classed as a BMI of 40 or more kgs/m2.

Dawn French is 5ft tall and until recently weighed 19 stone - which gave her a BMI around 52 kgs/m2 - more than 12 points above the threshold for morbid obesity.

Lisa Riley is 5’ 4.5” tall and recently announced she has lost 10 stone (which probably means she weighed around 20 stone beforehand). This gives her a BMI of 48 kgs/m2 - again, well above the threshold for morbid obesity.

So many comments on this thread show how little most people know or understand about obesity, BMIs and/or health risks. Neither do some of the posters appear to understand unconscious bias, prejudice, discrimination, employment law and the consequences of flouting the Equality Act 2010.

Would the Mumsnetters advocating against employing an obese nanny simply because they assume obesity = unhealthy then go on to ask a slim candidate about their health before employing them, or would they just assume slim = healthy?

The one thing the majority of scientists and Mumsnetters (including me) agree on is that a high BMI increases the risk of several health conditions, including sleep apnoea and diabetes. However, this does not mean every obese person will have these conditions or conversely that every slim person will not have them. My husband is very slim but has both sleep apnoea and Type 2 diabetes. No one would ever be able to tell this just by looking at him and employers would probably struggle to find this out prior to offering him a job.

This is because the Equality Act 2010 protects employees with ‘substantial’ and ‘long-term’ health conditions: these are considered a disability under law and, therefore, are protected from discrimination. It is generally unlawful to ask health-based questions to prospective employees: an employer cannot ask about an individual’s health until after offering them a position, although, there are some exceptions to this. Given some of the physical tasks a nanny may reasonably be expected to do, nannying may be one of them. However, understanding exactly what medical information you can legally ask a prospective nanny prior to employing them is a minefield. This is probably why unconscious bias kicks in whereby people make assumptions based on body size without any evidence specific to an individual.

I’m intrigued to know how many of the mumsnetters saying they would not consider employing an obese nanny realise they may be breaking the law? How many of them would ask an obese candidate health questions (such as do you have sleep apnoea?) or just assume this but wouldn’t even bother to ask a slim candidate? The likelihood of a slim candidate having sleep apnoea may be lower than an obese candidate’s risk but it is certainly not impossible. Roughly half of all people diagnosed with sleep apnoea are obese, the other half have a healthy BMI.

Yes, of course obesity increases the likelihood of certain increased health risks but that does NOT mean every obese person will have a condition that may have any impact whatsoever on their ability to care for a child. Neither does it mean they will just want to sit around all day. Conversely, just because a nanny is slim, doesn’t mean they won’t have any high risk conditions. Neither does a nanny being slim guarantee they will be rushing around at full speed all day with bags of energy, all of which is directed at keeping a child permanently on the go too. Many people who are alcohol dependent or addicts are very slim - would you really prefer them to be caring for your child rather than consider an obese nanny?

As for the original post saying the deciding factor is the way the obese nanny struggled to get up from the floor, as I said before, many disabled parents and very loving grandparents might have the same difficulty but that doesn’t mean they wouldn’t be able to keep a child safe, stimulated and happy.

Binman · 03/02/2025 07:36

Let's remember OP said BMI of 50 to 60, all this debate about I'm fatter than you and still fit, does anyone know what a BMI of that looks like.

It may be against the equality act but your still not going to employ that person to look after your toddler, you're just going to use another reason to turn them down. Same as employers do for all other kinds of protected characteristics.

BeDeepKoala · 03/02/2025 07:53

I definitely wouldnt but its not because I think it would directly affect her job. I just look down on fat people and I think is a horrible example for my children since it normalises being obese.

Noone else in their social/family/etc circle is obese, so why on earth would I want to introduce this?

BeDeepKoala · 03/02/2025 07:56

BeDeepKoala · 03/02/2025 07:53

I definitely wouldnt but its not because I think it would directly affect her job. I just look down on fat people and I think is a horrible example for my children since it normalises being obese.

Noone else in their social/family/etc circle is obese, so why on earth would I want to introduce this?

Also being obese shows potential character flaws (gluttony, lazy, bad willpower, etc) so I guess I might worry this comes through in her job -- maybe she's going to let the kids sit around and watch TV all day,, or maybe she's going to feed them junk food, etc.

Gone12 · 03/02/2025 08:16

Nenen · 03/02/2025 04:44

@Bornnotbourne and @Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz I’m amazed to hear neither of you think the wonderful Dawn French and Lisa Riley were morbidly obese!

For the record, Morbid Obesity is classed as a BMI of 40 or more kgs/m2.

Dawn French is 5ft tall and until recently weighed 19 stone - which gave her a BMI around 52 kgs/m2 - more than 12 points above the threshold for morbid obesity.

Lisa Riley is 5’ 4.5” tall and recently announced she has lost 10 stone (which probably means she weighed around 20 stone beforehand). This gives her a BMI of 48 kgs/m2 - again, well above the threshold for morbid obesity.

So many comments on this thread show how little most people know or understand about obesity, BMIs and/or health risks. Neither do some of the posters appear to understand unconscious bias, prejudice, discrimination, employment law and the consequences of flouting the Equality Act 2010.

Would the Mumsnetters advocating against employing an obese nanny simply because they assume obesity = unhealthy then go on to ask a slim candidate about their health before employing them, or would they just assume slim = healthy?

The one thing the majority of scientists and Mumsnetters (including me) agree on is that a high BMI increases the risk of several health conditions, including sleep apnoea and diabetes. However, this does not mean every obese person will have these conditions or conversely that every slim person will not have them. My husband is very slim but has both sleep apnoea and Type 2 diabetes. No one would ever be able to tell this just by looking at him and employers would probably struggle to find this out prior to offering him a job.

This is because the Equality Act 2010 protects employees with ‘substantial’ and ‘long-term’ health conditions: these are considered a disability under law and, therefore, are protected from discrimination. It is generally unlawful to ask health-based questions to prospective employees: an employer cannot ask about an individual’s health until after offering them a position, although, there are some exceptions to this. Given some of the physical tasks a nanny may reasonably be expected to do, nannying may be one of them. However, understanding exactly what medical information you can legally ask a prospective nanny prior to employing them is a minefield. This is probably why unconscious bias kicks in whereby people make assumptions based on body size without any evidence specific to an individual.

I’m intrigued to know how many of the mumsnetters saying they would not consider employing an obese nanny realise they may be breaking the law? How many of them would ask an obese candidate health questions (such as do you have sleep apnoea?) or just assume this but wouldn’t even bother to ask a slim candidate? The likelihood of a slim candidate having sleep apnoea may be lower than an obese candidate’s risk but it is certainly not impossible. Roughly half of all people diagnosed with sleep apnoea are obese, the other half have a healthy BMI.

Yes, of course obesity increases the likelihood of certain increased health risks but that does NOT mean every obese person will have a condition that may have any impact whatsoever on their ability to care for a child. Neither does it mean they will just want to sit around all day. Conversely, just because a nanny is slim, doesn’t mean they won’t have any high risk conditions. Neither does a nanny being slim guarantee they will be rushing around at full speed all day with bags of energy, all of which is directed at keeping a child permanently on the go too. Many people who are alcohol dependent or addicts are very slim - would you really prefer them to be caring for your child rather than consider an obese nanny?

As for the original post saying the deciding factor is the way the obese nanny struggled to get up from the floor, as I said before, many disabled parents and very loving grandparents might have the same difficulty but that doesn’t mean they wouldn’t be able to keep a child safe, stimulated and happy.

Great post - thank you 👏

Perhaps I am ignorant but I didn't know that obesity/body size is a protected characteristic.

Gone12 · 03/02/2025 08:19

BeDeepKoala · 03/02/2025 07:56

Also being obese shows potential character flaws (gluttony, lazy, bad willpower, etc) so I guess I might worry this comes through in her job -- maybe she's going to let the kids sit around and watch TV all day,, or maybe she's going to feed them junk food, etc.

Why not just admit that you hate fat people and are in fact a nasty person?

Errors · 03/02/2025 08:21

I personally think that protected characteristics should only include things not within the individual’s control - you cannot control sexual orientation, race, gender etc

BeDeepKoala · 03/02/2025 08:22

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Gone12 · 03/02/2025 08:25

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

There are people of size who could save your life someday in an ambulance,hospital bed etc - would you say something like that then?

Errors · 03/02/2025 08:26

NonplasticBertrand · 02/02/2025 19:43

You may produce more leptin than other people (hormone influencing appetite)? Other people seem not to produce enough. Life is a lottery.

It’s a possibility but not a certainty.

I don’t think it’s quite as simple as calories in/calories out - there are many contributing factors to the amount of weight some people can gain I am certain. But at the crux of it, I do not understand how it is scientifically possible for someone to eat, say, 1200 calories a day, burn more than that and still gain weight. It doesn’t seem logical to me.

LadyTangerine · 03/02/2025 08:30

Nenen · 03/02/2025 04:44

@Bornnotbourne and @Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz I’m amazed to hear neither of you think the wonderful Dawn French and Lisa Riley were morbidly obese!

For the record, Morbid Obesity is classed as a BMI of 40 or more kgs/m2.

Dawn French is 5ft tall and until recently weighed 19 stone - which gave her a BMI around 52 kgs/m2 - more than 12 points above the threshold for morbid obesity.

Lisa Riley is 5’ 4.5” tall and recently announced she has lost 10 stone (which probably means she weighed around 20 stone beforehand). This gives her a BMI of 48 kgs/m2 - again, well above the threshold for morbid obesity.

So many comments on this thread show how little most people know or understand about obesity, BMIs and/or health risks. Neither do some of the posters appear to understand unconscious bias, prejudice, discrimination, employment law and the consequences of flouting the Equality Act 2010.

Would the Mumsnetters advocating against employing an obese nanny simply because they assume obesity = unhealthy then go on to ask a slim candidate about their health before employing them, or would they just assume slim = healthy?

The one thing the majority of scientists and Mumsnetters (including me) agree on is that a high BMI increases the risk of several health conditions, including sleep apnoea and diabetes. However, this does not mean every obese person will have these conditions or conversely that every slim person will not have them. My husband is very slim but has both sleep apnoea and Type 2 diabetes. No one would ever be able to tell this just by looking at him and employers would probably struggle to find this out prior to offering him a job.

This is because the Equality Act 2010 protects employees with ‘substantial’ and ‘long-term’ health conditions: these are considered a disability under law and, therefore, are protected from discrimination. It is generally unlawful to ask health-based questions to prospective employees: an employer cannot ask about an individual’s health until after offering them a position, although, there are some exceptions to this. Given some of the physical tasks a nanny may reasonably be expected to do, nannying may be one of them. However, understanding exactly what medical information you can legally ask a prospective nanny prior to employing them is a minefield. This is probably why unconscious bias kicks in whereby people make assumptions based on body size without any evidence specific to an individual.

I’m intrigued to know how many of the mumsnetters saying they would not consider employing an obese nanny realise they may be breaking the law? How many of them would ask an obese candidate health questions (such as do you have sleep apnoea?) or just assume this but wouldn’t even bother to ask a slim candidate? The likelihood of a slim candidate having sleep apnoea may be lower than an obese candidate’s risk but it is certainly not impossible. Roughly half of all people diagnosed with sleep apnoea are obese, the other half have a healthy BMI.

Yes, of course obesity increases the likelihood of certain increased health risks but that does NOT mean every obese person will have a condition that may have any impact whatsoever on their ability to care for a child. Neither does it mean they will just want to sit around all day. Conversely, just because a nanny is slim, doesn’t mean they won’t have any high risk conditions. Neither does a nanny being slim guarantee they will be rushing around at full speed all day with bags of energy, all of which is directed at keeping a child permanently on the go too. Many people who are alcohol dependent or addicts are very slim - would you really prefer them to be caring for your child rather than consider an obese nanny?

As for the original post saying the deciding factor is the way the obese nanny struggled to get up from the floor, as I said before, many disabled parents and very loving grandparents might have the same difficulty but that doesn’t mean they wouldn’t be able to keep a child safe, stimulated and happy.

Of course you couldn't ask a morbidly obese person about their health but as you've stated we all know they are at a much higher risk. Those with a healthy bmi people may well be off sick obviously but the the risk is lower. It's all to do with probability.

Parents hiring nannies just cannot take the risk re sick pay and higher risk of unreliability so of course will hedge their bets with someone less likely to be off sick. It isn't breaking any laws it's just common sense. Morbidly obese people perhaps need to focus on applying to large corporations who will have support in place, sick pay and other staff in place to cover absences.

Lentilweaver · 03/02/2025 08:37

What a crazy thread. My mum is 80. Very healthy and fit, can get up off the floor and walk miles, fitter than many 40-year olds. Would happily trust her with an active toddler.
But would I hire an 80-year-old as a nanny? No! One fit 80-year-old I know is merely anecdata. Lots of anecdata on this thread

ShowerOfShites · 03/02/2025 10:41

I'm not going to quote the previous post because it was too massive, so just this bit...

I’m intrigued to know how many of the mumsnetters saying they would not consider employing an obese nanny realise they may be breaking the law?

The law means Jack Shit when it comes to this sort of thing because no-one has to give a truthful reason.

They're paying the money, they make the choice.

SquashedSquid · 03/02/2025 11:00

BeDeepKoala · 03/02/2025 07:56

Also being obese shows potential character flaws (gluttony, lazy, bad willpower, etc) so I guess I might worry this comes through in her job -- maybe she's going to let the kids sit around and watch TV all day,, or maybe she's going to feed them junk food, etc.

You look down on fat people? I'm fat because of disability and medication. Character flaws? I don't eat food, so I'm not a glutton. I'm certainly not lazy, and willpower? I don't drink alcohol, smoke, take drugs, gamble, or do any of the things that people might need willpower for.

So to you, you're better than me? Just because I have more of a covering on my skeleton than you do? You'd disregard my morals, my personality, my skills, my academic achievements, my experience, my value, just because I weigh more?

That says much more about you than it does about me. There are far worse things to be than fat, and you seem to cover many of them.

LadyTangerine · 03/02/2025 11:29

SquashedSquid · 02/02/2025 13:19

Hello! Me! I'm on a prescription liquid diet and can't eat food. I don't lose weight and am obese. HTH.

I'm sorry for what you endure it sounds awful reading your later posts Flowers.

If you have are tube fed can I gently suggest that you ask for a dietician review. Whether fed enteral or parenteral these feeds should be calculated strictly to balance cals in and energy used etc. There is no way someone should be morbidly obese on tube feeds so I wonder if your dietician has miscalculated your requirements. Just ask for a review they could alter the amount administered?

Wickedclimber · 03/02/2025 12:18

Such horrible comments on here!

I was a nanny for 26 years prior to my career change, and a flippin' good one at that.

I am currently size 20, and 15 stone. I am 5'1 and classed as 'morbidly obese'.

I'm also a hillwalker; just recently I managed to get my morbidly obese arse up the second highest mountain in Wales.

I am a rock climber, hitting the crags a number of times a year. You will also find me at the climbing gym a number of times a month.

Yes, I'm a big girl. But I am more than capable of looking after your precious children, thanks.

Some people are just awful.

NovemberMorn · 03/02/2025 12:35

BeDeepKoala · 03/02/2025 07:56

Also being obese shows potential character flaws (gluttony, lazy, bad willpower, etc) so I guess I might worry this comes through in her job -- maybe she's going to let the kids sit around and watch TV all day,, or maybe she's going to feed them junk food, etc.

That's a pretty ignorant post.

Gone12 · 03/02/2025 12:36

LadyTangerine · 03/02/2025 08:30

Of course you couldn't ask a morbidly obese person about their health but as you've stated we all know they are at a much higher risk. Those with a healthy bmi people may well be off sick obviously but the the risk is lower. It's all to do with probability.

Parents hiring nannies just cannot take the risk re sick pay and higher risk of unreliability so of course will hedge their bets with someone less likely to be off sick. It isn't breaking any laws it's just common sense. Morbidly obese people perhaps need to focus on applying to large corporations who will have support in place, sick pay and other staff in place to cover absences.

Your last sentence is utter rubbish and the height of ignorance.

Are you saying that the small organisation that hired me should not have done so? In the 6 years I have worked there I have only ever been off sick once, for one week, and that was with Covid.

SquashedSquid · 03/02/2025 12:43

LadyTangerine · 03/02/2025 11:29

I'm sorry for what you endure it sounds awful reading your later posts Flowers.

If you have are tube fed can I gently suggest that you ask for a dietician review. Whether fed enteral or parenteral these feeds should be calculated strictly to balance cals in and energy used etc. There is no way someone should be morbidly obese on tube feeds so I wonder if your dietician has miscalculated your requirements. Just ask for a review they could alter the amount administered?

Do you honestly think with such severe health issues, I don't regularly see teams of consultants? Thanks for the unsolicited diet advice, but I can assure you that my gastroenterologists know what they're doing.

Errors · 03/02/2025 12:56

LadyTangerine · 03/02/2025 08:30

Of course you couldn't ask a morbidly obese person about their health but as you've stated we all know they are at a much higher risk. Those with a healthy bmi people may well be off sick obviously but the the risk is lower. It's all to do with probability.

Parents hiring nannies just cannot take the risk re sick pay and higher risk of unreliability so of course will hedge their bets with someone less likely to be off sick. It isn't breaking any laws it's just common sense. Morbidly obese people perhaps need to focus on applying to large corporations who will have support in place, sick pay and other staff in place to cover absences.

Exactly- it’s all to do with probability.

If anyone here was to go and complete an application for a private medical insurance quote, or life insurance/critical illness- do the application twice with the exact same details but one shows a healthy weight and the other shows morbidly obese then your premiums will increase. Same as with smokers etc

Nobody is saying that all morbidly obese people will have chronic health conditions but they are more likely to than someone who isn’t.

Errors · 03/02/2025 13:00

I am a smoker. Well, I have actually quit very recently. I would not be offended if someone didn’t want to hire me to look after their children for that reason. It’s fair enough.

Errors · 03/02/2025 13:03

Errors · 03/02/2025 12:56

Exactly- it’s all to do with probability.

If anyone here was to go and complete an application for a private medical insurance quote, or life insurance/critical illness- do the application twice with the exact same details but one shows a healthy weight and the other shows morbidly obese then your premiums will increase. Same as with smokers etc

Nobody is saying that all morbidly obese people will have chronic health conditions but they are more likely to than someone who isn’t.

Just to add to that, if there were absolutely zero correlation between obesity and health issues, then where do they get these stats from:

Obesity costs the NHS around £6.5 billion a year and is the second biggest preventable cause of cancer

healthmedia.blog.gov.uk/2023/06/07/government-plans-to-tackle-obesity-in-england/

CherryPopShowerGel · 03/02/2025 13:15

Absolutely not.

You do see parents like this with their kids, and it's clear they can't always cope or parent properly. Can't get across the park to grab their toddler before they try open the gate, can't get down on the ground and back up again to play, struggle to manoeuvre the pram in a tight space cos of their size. It's not fair on the child.

I'd be so worried too about the lessons the child might learn from them.

LadyTangerine · 03/02/2025 13:45

SquashedSquid · 03/02/2025 12:43

Do you honestly think with such severe health issues, I don't regularly see teams of consultants? Thanks for the unsolicited diet advice, but I can assure you that my gastroenterologists know what they're doing.

I'm sure your gastroenterologists do but dieticians prescribe and monitor nutrition. They may well have miscalculated, it is worth double checking. It would be highly unusual that someone was morbidly obese on tube feeds and perhaps a review is needed. Good luck.