Suspicions- have I gone too far?

[Blackdoveinvestigation]

My husband recently went on a stag do to Thailand. I spoke to him often when he was there and I know pretty much all apart from 2 men who went reasonably well.

He has been back for a while and he told me they went to a lady boy show etc. He mentioned the massage parlours but was coy when I was double checking who was single and it seems the single ones had probably been to a seedy one (he said he definitely didn’t and it’s obvious which ones they are).

Anyway, I was feeling like he hadn’t told me the whole story so I had a look at his messages (I know, I know, but he definitely wasn’t giving more info info)

He was having jokes in the messages about where the special massage parlours were and it was v clear one of the single men had definitely been and been to strippers etc. not much to suggest my husband had but he was asking questions.

I then saw a picture of a woman with v little top on that the same single man had sent in. It looked like she was with all of them in a taxi. They were making jokes about this too. He also joked he had pics of my husband ‘cuddling’ at the bar before with the woman. They seemed to be taking the piss but he said ‘oh we don’t need those, delete.’ The group is full of people I know pretty well so I think (hope) it’s mainly in jest.

I asked my husband outright if they’d gone to strippers etc and he said no, why do you keep asking about all of this, why do not trust me etc..

I shouldn’t have looked at the messages because I’m now torturing myself. There’s nothing to suggest he actually did anything and it seems it was all in a group setting (apart from the single guy) but I still have a real problem with it all. But I can’t explicitly say I know this and I’m reluctant to incase it really is a case of ‘boys on holiday’ but they obviously all behave differently to when with the wives etc.

Does anyone have thoughts or advice? I’m really disappointed in all of this and am feeling very insecure.

Thing is, men who do this can bring all kinds of little gifts back home, depending on how far they go.

There’s a difference, but I don’t think it’s a huge one. The main feature is associating with the kind of groups that engage in this.

You mean men that want to have a look at boob's? Lord give me strength. Sorry but the majority of men want to look at boob's, whether they admit it to their wifes face or not. It doesn't make them bad people. It doesn't mean they are disrespectful or any of the other bat shit crazy nonsense I've read on here. It's just a bit of fun. If not paying for a dance or having them wiggled in your face, what's the problem? The problem is that all the wives at home suddenly get all paranoid that the stripper has a better body/bum/boob's/face than them and get so jealous that they lose the plot. I bet if he'd gone into a bar where all the OAPs get the tit's out, the OP wouldn't be anywhere near as upset. 😂

I couldn’t give a shit if a stripper has better boobs than me – in fact I know they do anyway (if we’re judging by commercial beauty standards). I can, however, give a shit, if my DH is the kind of sleazy git to go and pay to look at a strippers boobs. Liking to look at boobs doesn’t have anything to with it.

Whether YOU think it’s a bit of fun or not have zip all to do with it.