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AIBU?

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Original poster

Is anyone else's full wage just going on living expenses?!

181 replies

maria2bela1 · 01/02/2025 08:08

My partner and I both work, have 3 young children. We crunched some numbers yesterday and my partners whole wage (which is a decent one, over 50k) goes on outgoings! I just can't believe it, we pay high rent in London (2k) then our gas/elec bill is sky high at £230 a month. Sorry having a rant but this is insanity. How are we ever supposed to save for a house? I honestly feel like the only way around this is to leave London, but our family and friends are here so not nice for the kids.

OP posts:
berksandbeyond · 01/02/2025 08:15

You chose to have 3 children in London without having bought a property? Of course it's hard. I'm not sure why this is surprising to you?

If your partners full wage goes on expenses, surely you can use at least some of your full wage to save?

Ultimately you maybe can't afford to stay in London with 3 children and your salaries. Is there anything you can cut from your outgoings?

Playmobil4Eva · 01/02/2025 08:17

What is your wage? Could you put a chunk of that in savings straight away?

Housebuy1 · 01/02/2025 08:19

How much over 50k?

Strawberryfruitcorner · 01/02/2025 08:22

It baffles me how people don’t understand what they can and can’t afford with their salary.

Yes there have been increases in costs but it’s not rocket science.

Zanatdy · 01/02/2025 08:23

To buy the only answer is to leave. I am in zone 6 and do have a deposit but only because I lived rent free for 3yrs when owner was working overseas. I am single, DC teens plus, and so with a single income to buy a house I am returning to my native north west. I could just about buy a flat here, but I have decided to wait until June 2026 when my youngest DC finishes her A levels.

FrannyScraps · 01/02/2025 08:24

Outgoings is so vague. Everyone spends to their budget so most outgoings are choice to some extent. Ie higher income usually means larger home, more expensive location, newer cars, fancier food and entertainment....

Cut your cloth if you don't like it. Choose a cheaper place to live, have fewer children (can't be undone I know, but it's a choice), etc etc.

Poor people are always told to do it (budget better, accept you can't have everything). Those with higher income need to hear it too.

AlertCat · 01/02/2025 08:25

Yes. I estimate our grocery shopping alone to cost a good third more now than it did a year ago, and prices still keep going up- while our income hasn’t. Things are a lot tighter now than they were.

Overthebow · 01/02/2025 08:25

If DHs wage is all going on living expenses surely you have your salary for savings?

Overthebow · 01/02/2025 08:26

But yes, I think if you’re choosing to live in London and have chosen to have 3 DCs before buying a house then it will be a struggle to get on the property ladder unless you’re high earners.

MidnightPatrol · 01/02/2025 08:27

£50k sounds good but it’s £3k after tax so your rent alone is 2/3 of it gone. Your council tax must be another £2-300 too?

Agree the cost of living (and particularly in London) is absurd.

Just my mortgage childcare and direct debits (council tax, energy etc) are nearing £6,000 a month. With one child.

Having three children isn’t affordable on this kind of income in London, nor is buying a house tbh.

JohnWickAteMyHamster · 01/02/2025 08:29

We are in the South East and it's brutal. Both working full time, mortgage just shot up due to interest rates (fixed rate finished) - we have teenagers in school so moving isn't an option at the moment but as soon as we can, we will. Cost of living is killing us

Ruraljapangirly · 01/02/2025 08:29

berksandbeyond · 01/02/2025 08:15

You chose to have 3 children in London without having bought a property? Of course it's hard. I'm not sure why this is surprising to you?

If your partners full wage goes on expenses, surely you can use at least some of your full wage to save?

Ultimately you maybe can't afford to stay in London with 3 children and your salaries. Is there anything you can cut from your outgoings?

Yeah, normally I'm a little more sympathetic but 3 children and living in London = pretty darn expensive lifestyle.

VodkaCola · 01/02/2025 08:30

My first job was in London, back in the early 2000s. I loved living there but quickly realised that I wouldn't be able to buy anything on my salary so left after 2 years.

It's life I'm afraid OP, we can't all afford to live wherever we want!

Anonym00se · 01/02/2025 08:30

I don’t think it’s at all unusual for your full wage to cover only living expenses when you’ve got young children. Even before the COL crisis, this was the case. When my DC were very young we didn’t have holidays, nights out or days out besides free activities. I never bought new clothes or cosmetics. Life was a grind, but it does get easier as they get bigger.

Sherararara · 01/02/2025 08:31

Well yes, you have 3 kids and live in London. You’ve answered your own question. 50k isn’t a whole lot these days in the UK even if you were kid free and didn’t live in one of the most expensive cities in the world.

MidnightPatrol · 01/02/2025 08:32

@Anonym00se i suppose on paper OP’s DH has an income in the top 20%, and so in principle it should be entirely possible to raise a family on that wage alone.

That it didn’t… sign of the times. ‘Why is the birth rate so low’ they cry - well, most even at this technically higher income level can’t afford to raise three kids

Starzinsky · 01/02/2025 08:32

Having 3 young kids will be the most expensive time of your lives. It's pretty normal to have nothing left after bills.

Silvertulips · 01/02/2025 08:34

How are we ever supposed to save for a house?

Most people buy a house before the expense of children. You’ve doubled your outgoings and house prices increase.

Its always been the same way.

Youcancallmeirrelevant · 01/02/2025 08:34

berksandbeyond · 01/02/2025 08:15

You chose to have 3 children in London without having bought a property? Of course it's hard. I'm not sure why this is surprising to you?

If your partners full wage goes on expenses, surely you can use at least some of your full wage to save?

Ultimately you maybe can't afford to stay in London with 3 children and your salaries. Is there anything you can cut from your outgoings?

1st reply says it all

Zippidydoodah · 01/02/2025 08:36

One salary? You don’t mention yours, so I’m assuming you don’t work. One decent (but not enormous) salary and three kids in London is going to be a slog.

YouMustBeTheWeasleys · 01/02/2025 08:39

Zippidydoodah · 01/02/2025 08:36

One salary? You don’t mention yours, so I’m assuming you don’t work. One decent (but not enormous) salary and three kids in London is going to be a slog.

Agree with this. Our joint income is about £80k so not huge and we live in the east of England where our mortgage payments are only £550/month and have no DC yet….we do save money but we definitely feel the pinch. I couldn’t imagine raising children on £30k less a year with a housing bill 4x as high - of course you can’t save for a house!

SleepDeprivedElf · 01/02/2025 08:41

Pretty much my whole wage goes on rent (£2150 for a 3 bed terrace bought by a landlord out of probate, kitchen so old it was fitted by MFI 😂). That’s not even in London. It’s actually on the far outskirts of another city in the SE.

So YANBU!

Stressedout150 · 01/02/2025 08:45

Meh no sympathy sorry. You chose to have three children, while still
in rented - knowing what the costs are likely to be, and in London too.

so your own fault I’m afraid

Singinghollybob · 01/02/2025 08:45

Zippidydoodah · 01/02/2025 08:36

One salary? You don’t mention yours, so I’m assuming you don’t work. One decent (but not enormous) salary and three kids in London is going to be a slog.

The OP says she does work.

FiveWhatByFiveWhat · 01/02/2025 08:47

We live in the midlands and most of our wages go on outgoings, especially food (we're working on this but it's a bit mind boggling) We both work fairly low paying jobs though.

To be fair, we're pretty comfortable. We only have one child - he has additional needs which is partly why we have "low key" jobs as one of our priorities is that we both have some flexibility to be around for him and not add more stress on to ourselves. Absolutely not having any more!

We live near my parents and brother and sil and we all help eachother out with things when needed; for example this week my parents are picking my son up from school 2 days of the week. My husband is helping my brother with their dogs because sil is working away. And I've helped my dad sell stuff online and we've organised a "family car boot" for next month so we can all have a clear out!

We've just paid for a holiday in the Easter break, 3 nights in a caravan in Wales, it looks really nice and we're very excited! But we haven't been abroad since before ds was born (not sure he'd cope with airports/planes anyway) we usually have 1 or 2 UK holidays a year and one is a family one where we all chip in so that helps with the costs.

I really want to refresh the house this year, nothing huge but fresh paint and new flooring in a few of the rooms. But it'll be a gradual process because we'll save a bit each month and do one room at a time. I'm trying not to get carried away because I know if I do we'll end up with 3 partly done rooms and it'll still look a bit meh!

Pets are another big one - our old cat now needs thyroid meds and old softie here took in 2 guinea pigs over the summer who eat us out house and home. They're (mostly) worth it though 🤣