Is anyone else's full wage just going on living expenses?!

[maria2bela1]

My partner and I both work, have 3 young children. We crunched some numbers yesterday and my partners whole wage (which is a decent one, over 50k) goes on outgoings! I just can't believe it, we pay high rent in London (2k) then our gas/elec bill is sky high at £230 a month. Sorry having a rant but this is insanity. How are we ever supposed to save for a house? I honestly feel like the only way around this is to leave London, but our family and friends are here so not nice for the kids.

It is, but most other things PP listed aren't - they're choices.

Someone upthread scoffed at me for saying my parents had twenty year old sofas, for example. So many things don't need to be replaced as often as they are.

I find things dont last as long as they used to. Things like boilers, washing machines, hoovers, ovens etc.

I'm very pro keeping things a long time thougg and most if our stuff is second hand, but we have to hunt out properly old stuff. Sofas are OK at 20 years old, but you don't want foam older than 1988 due to fire risks.

On the other hand there is the argument that it's natural for standards of living to get better over time. My parents didn't have central heating growing up. My mum had an outside toilet. She had an inside bathroom but there was no plumbing to it. 😏They NEVER had any sort of holiday whatsoever, never mind a meal out in a restaurant, even for a special occasion. The generation before that would have had an even more hand to mouth basic existence. Times change thankfully.

I guess there's a point, though, where you can only have so much improvement in standard of living before the cost of maintaining it outpaces the average salary. Many people will always aspire to have the kind of lifestyle of the people at the next income bracket up. It's why people on ordinary salaries are willing to pay a fortune to go to a beach club in Ibiza instead of just paying 10 euros for a couple of loungers and an umbrella on a public beach for the day as happened in their parents' generation. More fool them, I say....

Well I wouldn't choose to have 3 children whilst renting in the most expensive city in the uk to start.
Sorry op but what do you expect?

@CurlyhairedAssassin like you say, there's a difference between basic standards of living going up, and wanting to have everything.

It's normal to have to make sacrifices - lots of families stick with two children, for example, or move out of London, or decide to buy the smaller house if it means a cheaper mortgage and more money to save for holidays.

Having three children in London is never going to be the cheap way of doing things, especially when you're stuck in private rentals. There's a reason so many couples move out of London before having kids!

I agree things don't seem to last, but part of me wonders if that's because our use of them has changed.

People now have the heating on 24-7. We have instant hot water. We use washers and dryers every single day (or multiple times a day). I suspect in previous generations things weren't used as often or as much?

I suspect in previous generations things weren't used as often or as much?

So true!

But kids can be more expensive, I didn’t go to clubs or school trips, uniforms were cheap or council funded. Nights out on £5.

My kids went to brownies, we went swimming with them instead of lessons, there’s an annual sports club here that’s £1 week for 12 weeks of the year. Library is free. They didn’t get add hoc gifts like so many kids, they waiting for their birthdays.

We stopped at 2 kids even outside of the SE, no way we could comfortably afford a 3rd child even in a more affordable area, and we have a good, above average, household income. 3 children are an expensive luxury in my view, even before you consider location.

Use may be a factor if comparing to the 50s, 60s and 70s, but i dont think in my adult life my useage has varied.

My dh is a manufacturer and he often critiques newer things compared the same product and manufacturer but from 10, 15, 30 years ago. eg we had a hoover when we married and trird to buy the same model 12 or so years later. The build quality had plummeted and instead of lasting the 12 or 15 year the previous one did it lasted about 3 or 4 years.

There was the whole era of planned obsolescence as well. At least legislation has meant spares have to be supplied now.

Anyone curious about why things don't last long these days watch Shop Now! The Conspiracy Theory on Netflix, it's all about how this is designed to make us buy more. Things are often now glued together rather than fixable, manufacturers no longer provide guidance on how to fix etc, they want us to just buy a new one.

Do people not realise many people been raised in places and have family support there so not so easy to just up and leave to buy in a place they have no support. Issue is lack of affordable housing and rising costs which wages do not catch up with.

Those shouting about people being reckless about wanting to raise a family on an ordinary wage just don’t seem to understand if you want to be able to go to a shop or have your loved ones being taken care of by a paid carer those roles need to be filled and wages are low but why shouldn’t those workers have the same right to have a family? or only the rich be able to have 2/3 children? and only the rich live in london? who would then work in shops or provide care there?

I don't think anyone, rich or poor, has the 'right' to have 2/3 children. People shouldn't be having children that they can't afford, and if they do then they shouldn't be whining about it and expecting some magical state purse to fund it

Try living on one salary, which is half of your partners, and then see what real life is for a lot of people.

No one is shouting
As adults we are responsible for the choices we make and the children we bring into the world.
It's called responsibility.
All these threads about the CoL and ""someone" has to make it stop 😂
Like there is a magic button to press not that it's the result of Brexit and multiple factors like climate affecting food production and the world financial markets finally catching up post Quantative Easing in 2008/9.

I don't think we have seen anything yet -Trump et all
Hard hats on!

Our heating comes on when the temperature goes below a certain point. If we didn't have it on our house would be even damper.

What if you could afford and then you couldn't due to circumstances?

What if you could afford and then you couldn't due to circumstances?

I would have sympathy with someone with 2 kids in this situation, but not 3+, 3+ is when it gets really challenging if financial situations change, death, divorce etc. One of the reasons I stuck at 2 was because if circumstances changed, 2 was a reasonable and more manageable number. Anyone having 3+ kids is essentially gambling and making themselves (and their pre existing children) more vulnerable if circumstances change.

@maria2bela1 I'd bite the bullet and move further out. DH could commute. You could save for a deposit then.

You see it on here with average earners when looking where to move to . Must/need a 4 bed detached etc - and ideally of Instagram standard when they only have 1 child etc or sometimes none - now I understand that people are trying to avoid creeping up the ladder and planning for the future but it really isn't a 'need' - it's a 'want' - and then wonder why they can't manage as hadn't factored in any commutes etc /changing job circumstances.

I've always worked in low paid roles - I'm 36 and have never earned more than a 25k salary my entire adult life. I know exactly how tough it can be on minimum wage.

Being able to buy a house that's big enough for three children in one of the world's most expensive cities was only an option for a very short period of time in the recent past - prior to that it was just slums and tenement housing.

The argument about low paid workers needing housing is valid, but it's not as though there's always been free access to good quality, affordable homes in London until recently.

I think too many people don't plan ahead financially and don't think long-term when they decide to have lots of children or not to buy a property.

What if you could afford and then you couldn't due to circumstances?

I'm not convinced that's as common as MN makes it out to be. I also think a lot of people don't think about the "what ifs" or the potential changes in circumstances.

You see it on here all the time, people sending their 4yo's to private schools but not thinking that that same school is going to cost 4x more by the time that child is 16, for example.

That's not to say you should always plan for the worst case scenario, more that people do need to think long-term when it comes to children and finances.

My parents sofa is older than me - alt least 45 years old! Been recovered once

@biscuitsandbooks just look at the VAT and school fees, I'm surprised the extent to which that seemed to break some families and makes me think most couldn't afford it in the first place.

I know - IMO it's just more aspirational nonsense - but then I went to private school and don't feel like it benefited me at all 🤣

Ha, I love that. My dad has speakers he brought over from Australia with him when they emigrated nearly 50 years ago! Still going strong.