Is anyone else's full wage just going on living expenses?!

[maria2bela1]

My partner and I both work, have 3 young children. We crunched some numbers yesterday and my partners whole wage (which is a decent one, over 50k) goes on outgoings! I just can't believe it, we pay high rent in London (2k) then our gas/elec bill is sky high at £230 a month. Sorry having a rant but this is insanity. How are we ever supposed to save for a house? I honestly feel like the only way around this is to leave London, but our family and friends are here so not nice for the kids.

How much does it cost to buy a house where you live? Because housing costs and childcare are probably what take up the majority of salaries in London.

Rents are ridiculous. I can't imagine trying to live on £50k here and that in itself is outrageous.

£3k a month for a flat where I am and it isn't central London.

So your wage is left to use as you wish? Not exactly what your title suggests then.

Most parents work in the summer holidays and rely on holiday clubs to manage that time.

I've just sold my flat and agreed to go into rented as we've not found anywhere to buy. I was shocked when I realised how expensive renting now is. I thought it was expensive when we were renting 10 years ago. Has we not been able to buy, we'd never have lasted in London this long.

I look at SM and the life styles of people living there lives out on such mediums and it's no wonder people are living beyond their means.

People find it hard to accept that they either need to cut back or get into debt, as they see their peers "having it all"and think that they can also have that lifestyle.

£50k in London is a relatively low wage

All the posters saying “you should have thought about the COL/renting before having 3 kids”
I feel the massive leap in costs has been so rapid it’s caught so many of us out!
We are having a rapid lifestyle downgrade compared to what we were doing/planning just 5 years ago.
I feel parts of my financial life are unrecognizable from 2019!
mortgage, bills, food and transport and tax are sucking about 75 percent of our earnings, compared to 45 percent 5 years ago, and, as we are self employed our earnings took a battering in Covid and have not recovered, so we have also ended up taking on loads of extra borrowing to “get through”. Get through to what though, god knows!
So, OP, YANBU. And it’s dawning on you that your good salaries are not that good any more. Depressing…..

Oh chinny reckon!!
What nonsense.
Having 3 children is expensive , feeding, clothing and childcare not to mention the potential drop in wages if one goes PT.
It's infinitely more expensive and difficult to save a deposit - you would have to be from another planet not to realise this.

I feel the massive leap in costs has been so rapid it’s caught so many of us out!

Surely it's always been expensive to have three children, especially when you rent and live in London?

Lifestyle expectations have risen massively in the past 20-30 years.

As a pp said, all this "days out" spending was not a thing for boomers and GenX. We stayed home or visited relatives for the day at weekends.

Food was more basic and takeaways almost unheard of. Clothing more basic. We didn't go abroad. We didn't shop as recreation other than perhaps the occasional boot sale. There was one TV and one phone, of course no internet or streaming subscriptions, no expensive sport or lessons for children and teens, no housecleaner. Pets didn't receive state of the art medical care.

Many families now take all of the above for granted. And feel hard done by if they can't have these things plus a big house and SUV.

Comparing affordability of this lifestyle to some decades ago is ridiculous. (Also interest rates were a lot higher in the past.)

Lifestyle expectations have risen massively in the past 20-30 years.

I got ripped apart the last time I said that on here

I was raised in the nineties and my parents were good earners, but we still had sofas that were 20 years old, a kitchen straight out of the 70's and a very retro avocado coloured bathroom suite with very fetching green carpet, lol.

Days out were bike rides, or walks along the river to play pooh-sticks. I'd occasionally get an ice-cream from the shop but otherwise we packed sandwiches and had hot chocolate from a flask. I remember my dad taking me on a bike ride in one of those kiddy trailers and my mum giving me half a pack of fruit pastilles to last the journey!

If I'd suggest a paid activity on a weekend my dad would have said "when you're paying, you can choose what we do", lol. We often did baking, or "camped" in the garden in a tent, or I played in the wendy house. There's no way they'd have indulged all these trips to zoos or farms or whatever else.

DH and I are quite similar ourselves - modest terrace with an old (but functional) bathroom and kitchen. Old cars that we'll run into the ground. But we have plenty of spare money and no stresses. Our town often comes up on the "shit places to live" threads though

Well said, @biscuitsandbooks

You raise another point about kitchens and bathrooms. Many people consider a 10-15 year old one as in need of costly upgrades. In the "good old days" people made do.

To be fair people under 40 are just as likely to be renting as owning, and op says rent is a major cost for them. so I am not sure they will be putting in new kitchens and bathrooms in their rented homes.

@BettyBardMacDonald I've been called smug on here before for saying DH and I can both afford to work part-time while paying a mortgage and running two cars, but I can also guarantee that most of those people wouldn't even consider buying our home in the location that it's in (or in the state it's in!).

I see the RightMove threads on here and do wonder about the reality that some people seem to live in, lol.

God forbid anyone might want a bit more from life than working and sitting on their 20 year old sofa in the dark, eating fishfingers and smash 😆.

Agree, but I still feel the threshold at which people feel hard done by / what they feel entitled to, has changed dramatically.

They can aspire to anything, but don't constantly claim we boomers and GenXers had it better. In general we made do with a lot more basic lifestyle.

Who said anything about sitting in the dark eating smash?

The point with the sofas is that even though they were old and a bit battered, they were functional so replacing them wasn't necessary. DH and I didn't even own a brand new sofa until five years ago - we just had second hand.

@biscuitsandbooks a kitchen straight out of the 70's and a very retro avocado coloured bathroom suite with very fetching green carpet, lol

My in laws house still has those!

Yep, my in-laws too

I remember when my grandma died in her nineties about a decade ago and we had to strip her house - except for the oven her kitchen was straight out of the sixties, lol.

All worked perfectly too!

The tech industry has increased massively since the 70s and 80s. Everyone wants the latest phones, gadgets, laptops, games, Sky TV and streaming subscriptions, all of which didn't really exist back then. And on that tech we are marketed at CONSTANTLY. BAck in the old days you only had to compare yourself against Mary from down the road with regards to the latest home designs. Now we are bombarded with stuff on social media. People feel the pressure to keep up with the Jones' much more. Add to that agressive advertising of material objects, there are also the lifestyle pressures - eating out at the latest restaurant or going to the latest trendy bar, instagramming yourself at overcrowded scenic spots on a foreign weekend away. etc etc.

I agree with you, people's lifestyles expectations have got too much really. I am sad, however, at the fact we seem to be heading back towards only eating out for dates or special occasions like people did pre 2000. I miss the days of early evening menus which were actually affordable to do regularly "just because".

Back in the old days you only had to compare yourself against Mary from down the road with regards to the latest home designs. Now we are bombarded with stuff on social media.

Absolutely agree with this. It's much easier to be satisfied when you're not comparing yourself to thousands of other families.

But the OP is in a dual income household - one salary is £50k (top 20 percent of earners) she’s got 3 kids, not 300!
and the gist seems to be she’s got an expectation that’s waaaaaayyyy beyond reasonable. In the 80s and 90s thousands of people with 3 kids in slightly above average earning roles were buying houses, even in London. So secure housing is now considered a luxury???
It’s not the OPs expectation that’s wrong, it’s the housing market. And back in the 70s and 80s most families had 2 or 3 kids. Only children were much rarer.

No the gist is that Op is surprised that her outgoings bills/rent etc add up to one salary and that she's surprised, with 3 DC she can't afford a house deposit in LONDON

Well no shit Sherlock
To everyone else on the thread it's bleeding obvious!

I don't think it's that secure housing is a luxury, I think it's more that buying a house in one of the world's most expensive cities while also supporting three young children is a luxury.

Unfortunately, very few people can have everything they want when it comes to family size, career, earning power and location - you generally have to make some sacrifices somewhere along the line.

Internet is a nessary thing nowadays.