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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

New to working in a nursery and witnessed horrible treatment

264 replies

Emrald1 · 31/01/2025 21:16

Today, my colleague was in a bad mood and just wanted to do tasks like clearing drawers and not interact with the children. She was frustrated with a DC crying and said 'right, this is what we're going to do' and she forcefully grabbed her by the hand and marched her over, plonked her hard down on the floor and then chucked her doll that she had brought in from home down on the ground next to her really hard. A bit later on, she aggressively marched over to the same DC with a angry look on her face and forcefully removed her dummy from her mouth. Whilst having dinner, the same DC was trying to take food from another's plate and she again grabbed her hand away in not a nice way and shouted NO. I don't do nappies as I am lunch cover so I let her know that this DC had soiled their nappy, as she was on nappies and there was no other staff present. She gave a look of disgust to the DC and didn't say anything. I made a note of these things. I was looking for advice as I know I need to report this but this member of staff has been there a long time whereas I haven't and I have a feeling I won't be believed as I think she is seen as a very competent member of staff but this was witnessed by just me. How can I approach this please

OP posts:
Wintersgirl · 31/01/2025 23:52

User67556 · 31/01/2025 21:46

I do or I wouldn't send my child there 🤷‍♀️ they have fully earned my trust and my child tells me all about their day when I pick them up. So I'd know if anything untoward was happening and I trust them implicitly.

Same, my children LOVED their nursery, they used to come home ecstatic and couldn't wait to go back the next day, they were so happy there, sometimes you just know...

Zoono · 31/01/2025 23:53

As a mum of a toddler, threads like this make me so anxious. You must report your colleague otherwise you're not much better than they are.

scoobysnaxx · 31/01/2025 23:56

PLEASE REPORT HER IMMEDIATELY OP. It makes me absolutely weep thinking my DD could be in the care of such a wicked person!

fedup1212 · 31/01/2025 23:57

Could you report to your manager and LADO? When I worked in childcare we used to have the contact information for reporting concerns dotted around the building.

Some people just shouldn't work with children, at all.

user1492757084 · 01/02/2025 00:01

Yes, report and keep dates and incident notes.

As well, please call out your colleague on the job...
Hey, do you need some help? That was not gentle.
Hey, please be more careful with that child's arm.
Don't dump him down so aggressively.

If you are sacked you have your notes and the fact that you reported.

surreygirl1987 · 01/02/2025 00:02

User67556 · 31/01/2025 21:27

I just know at our nursery it's not like this, the love and care they show these kids is unreal- most of the staff have been there for a really long time it's an amazing place that I've put two children through. I have a sixth sense about people- I'm a good judge and this place just oozes care. I hope the parents would pick up that something isn't right but hopefully instead OP will report this.

Sixth sense? 🙄

letsfaceitwhoisnt · 01/02/2025 00:19

@arcticpandas sadly this is what I thought about my DC's nursery. Two of the key workers they had are now in prison after a death of a beautiful little baby at the nursery and subsequent investigations showing neglect.

Both DC now in school with no memories of the nursery. I'm not privy to any information as to how they were treated during their time there as they had both aged out of the setting when investigations began.

We live in a lovely area and the nursery was highly recommended. It's awful to think about.

DaftDeafDuck · 01/02/2025 00:30

Please report this. Our DD was treated badly in a nursery setting and no one would have known but for a very brave woman who flagged it up within days of starting work there. The place was shut down and the abuser convicted.

Joleyne · 01/02/2025 00:32

I hope you're OK, Op. It's a hard thing to do, but you do have a statutory duty to report this behaviour. Make sure you have some support. You're doing the right thing.

AleaEim · 01/02/2025 00:32

OP this is sadly common and it won’t be your last time seeing this type of behaviour in a nursery. I did some nursery temping a few summers ago, I worked in 12 different nurseries and each one I saw this kind of behaviour. I reported it to ofsted.

lavendarwillow · 01/02/2025 00:37

Breaks me heart to read this and other accounts as well. I had no proof, just a gut instinct that the staff weren't as nice as they portrayed to parents, that I pulled my son out of daycare (how can they really be called nurseries)?

It's awful when you have no option but to have to go to work.

SapphireSeptember · 01/02/2025 00:53

VividFish · 31/01/2025 21:23

Please please please report. It makes me think of the little girl who was killed at a nursery near us and apparently it was well known she had taken a dislike to her. I would be heartbroken to think that my child was being treated like that.

Genevieve Meehan? That story made me cry. Absolutely terrible. 🥺

PennyApril54 · 01/02/2025 00:54

You most report it OP. We need to speak up for the little ones who can't speak up for themselves ❤️

Crazyworldmum · 01/02/2025 00:54

Please report this to police , not just management . My child was abused the same way as a 2 year old , I caught it as picked her up early . To this day I can’t grasp how I managed my child out of ter ethos day without putting hw run a&E . Honestly it took so much from me . Police , ofsted atc where involved etc . It was so traumatic
A friend recently had a baby too and I asked her if she was putting her in a nursery as she wa Aberdeen worker for 15 years herself . Her reply was “ no I would never trust my child to any nursery “ .
So this happens a lot more than people realise

ToothHurtyAppointment · 01/02/2025 01:16

User67556 · 31/01/2025 21:27

Trust me, I know. Shitty thing to say by the way.

You don’t know though, that’s the thing.

I worked at a nursery with the highest ofstead rating and a very good reputation locally. The waitlist was/is huge and there are staff members who’ve worked there long term. What I witnessed broke my heart. I actually made a thread on here about it under a different username for advice. I reported what I saw and management could not have cared less. Ofstead didn’t care either. They did an inspection but notified the manager when the inspection would occur, so they had time to clean up and be on their best behaviour. I ended up leaving but the cycle continues, new staff raise issues and then they’re let go.

The nursery still has the same staff and the same amazing reputation… I always see on their Facebook page parents commenting how lucky they are that Miss S is looking after their child. Shudder. Miss S is the sweetest person when a parent is in the room. She’s the absolute fucking devil and the closest thing to evil I’ve ever encountered.

Busyquaver1 · 01/02/2025 01:25

You have a duty to safeguard this child, your manager should off told you this before you even started working aswell as showing you the safeguard policy and who you should report to!!
Report to your safeguard lead immediately.

Tryinghardtobefair · 01/02/2025 01:38

User67556 · 31/01/2025 21:46

I do or I wouldn't send my child there 🤷‍♀️ they have fully earned my trust and my child tells me all about their day when I pick them up. So I'd know if anything untoward was happening and I trust them implicitly.

You don't know unless you're there. Or unless your child can talk. I'm not saying that to be a dick.
I've worked in nurseries. I've seen behaviour towards children that isn't a safeguarding issue but certainly doesn't follow the nurseries ethos or best practice.

It's not even just behaviour. I've seen multiple facilities outright lie on tapestry and "back track" nappies so parents weren't aware they were 3 hours late doing nappies. And yes I reported it and was told these things happen. I left shortly after.

My point is, your nursery is likely brilliant. Lots are. But you truly can't know best practice is always followed unless you're in the room all day every day.

And for what it's worth the kids came in and out of nursery happy and the parents raved as much as you do about your kids nursery...

WishinAndHopin · 01/02/2025 02:16

You will essentially be whistleblowing and there is a significant risk you will be sacked, or retaliated against in some way - e.g. falsely accused of meanness yourself.

If she's comfortable enough to openly behave like this - especially in front of new staff - then this is probably common for her. Other staff have therefore probably seen it and either aren't particularly bothered, or don't want to put their own heads above the parapet. Also, she probably does worse when nobody is looking.

It's your word against hers and sadly they will be inclined to believe (or protect) the established/senior member of staff over the newbie.

However you absolutely must do something about this horrible misconduct, just be prepared to protect yourself, have another job lined up, etc. I don't wish to scaremonger as the management might be perfectly kosher, but you need to protect yourself for the possibility they won't.

You need to make sure this is taken seriously because if they choose to not believe you or to give you the boot, the children will actually not be protected and your report will have come to nothing. She will be free to continue, or will just be more discreet about her cruelty in the future.

When you report to the manager, make clear that you are reporting this to the LADO and Ofsted, and that you will be handing in your notice if this is not addressed. That mitigates the power the hold by threatening to sack you, and by already reporting this to the LADO and Ofsted you will force their hands into acting.

Explain to the LADO that since this is an established staff member who behaved like this openly, and that you were the only witness, you are concerned the management won't do anything about it and fear retaliation.

mrssunshinexxx · 01/02/2025 03:09

@Emrald1 I mean it needs to be investigated but the only outcome is her being sacked. Then YOU should contact Ofsted and report there too as they could escalate re her DBS and stop her from working with children again which imo needs to happen.
It's the weekend now I'd be emailing your employer over the weekend she needs to be hauled in re office first thing Monday don't give her chance to 'care' for kids again.

I used to work in a nursery and had to raise a complaint over a member of staff for similar reasons to yours. Don't let that little child suffer any longer

mrssunshinexxx · 01/02/2025 03:13

@Anon501178 my thoughts exactly!

mrssunshinexxx · 01/02/2025 03:17

If they end up sacking you op sit outside nursery that very same day until you see the child's parents and tell them exactly what's been happening and why you've been sacked

WishinAndHopin · 01/02/2025 03:30

Bbq1 · 31/01/2025 23:42

Please report immediately. Over the weekend if you can. I know someone who got sacked from their nursery job because they witnessed similar behaviour but mulled it over for a couple of days then told management. She was dismissed because she hadn't reported immediately abd it was a safeguarding issue.

So that's their excuse for sacking the whistleblower eh?

northstars · 01/02/2025 03:35

I worked in over 20 nurseries as supply staff and have seen such things more than once (and yes I reported them). These members of staff were always lovely to the parents at pickup and dropoff.

Please do report. Some things are just too important.

Sleepysleepycoffeecoffee · 01/02/2025 03:52

Emrald1 · 31/01/2025 21:16

Today, my colleague was in a bad mood and just wanted to do tasks like clearing drawers and not interact with the children. She was frustrated with a DC crying and said 'right, this is what we're going to do' and she forcefully grabbed her by the hand and marched her over, plonked her hard down on the floor and then chucked her doll that she had brought in from home down on the ground next to her really hard. A bit later on, she aggressively marched over to the same DC with a angry look on her face and forcefully removed her dummy from her mouth. Whilst having dinner, the same DC was trying to take food from another's plate and she again grabbed her hand away in not a nice way and shouted NO. I don't do nappies as I am lunch cover so I let her know that this DC had soiled their nappy, as she was on nappies and there was no other staff present. She gave a look of disgust to the DC and didn't say anything. I made a note of these things. I was looking for advice as I know I need to report this but this member of staff has been there a long time whereas I haven't and I have a feeling I won't be believed as I think she is seen as a very competent member of staff but this was witnessed by just me. How can I approach this please

This also needs to be reported to the police. Please don’t ignore it. Imagine if it was your baby being treated like this

Stopbeingsomean · 01/02/2025 04:02

User67556 · 31/01/2025 21:18

God I feel so lucky my DC nursery is so bloody amazing and loving - the thought of this absolutely breaks my heart. Please do what you can.

You know your nursery is amazing and loving how? They are hardly going to treat your DC badly in front of you are they? Sadly I am sure these things are happening regularly in nurseries up and down the country behind closed doors.