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Original poster

New to working in a nursery and witnessed horrible treatment

264 replies

Emrald1 · 31/01/2025 21:16

Today, my colleague was in a bad mood and just wanted to do tasks like clearing drawers and not interact with the children. She was frustrated with a DC crying and said 'right, this is what we're going to do' and she forcefully grabbed her by the hand and marched her over, plonked her hard down on the floor and then chucked her doll that she had brought in from home down on the ground next to her really hard. A bit later on, she aggressively marched over to the same DC with a angry look on her face and forcefully removed her dummy from her mouth. Whilst having dinner, the same DC was trying to take food from another's plate and she again grabbed her hand away in not a nice way and shouted NO. I don't do nappies as I am lunch cover so I let her know that this DC had soiled their nappy, as she was on nappies and there was no other staff present. She gave a look of disgust to the DC and didn't say anything. I made a note of these things. I was looking for advice as I know I need to report this but this member of staff has been there a long time whereas I haven't and I have a feeling I won't be believed as I think she is seen as a very competent member of staff but this was witnessed by just me. How can I approach this please

OP posts:
Cookiecrumblepie · 01/02/2025 20:16

This makes me so worried. How do parents know that their childcare is good? We just no choice and no idea! It’s awful

arcticpandas · 01/02/2025 20:31

Cookiecrumblepie · 01/02/2025 20:16

This makes me so worried. How do parents know that their childcare is good? We just no choice and no idea! It’s awful

Hopefully the fact that nursey work is team work you would expect them to speak up if someone was treating the children badly...

Nikki75 · 01/02/2025 20:35

I would confront her myself.
Then tell her your reporting her and also telling the parents.

Gemmawemma9 · 01/02/2025 20:45

Report. If it gets brushed under the carpet i would shout it from the rooftops. Ofsted, social media, stand outside and tell the parents. This is awful 😢

Lonelyranger · 01/02/2025 20:52

If you work in a nursery you should know they all have a whistle blowing policy. Report straight away. It gives genuine caring staff a bad name 😡

Hello55 · 01/02/2025 20:59

Emrald1 · 31/01/2025 21:16

Today, my colleague was in a bad mood and just wanted to do tasks like clearing drawers and not interact with the children. She was frustrated with a DC crying and said 'right, this is what we're going to do' and she forcefully grabbed her by the hand and marched her over, plonked her hard down on the floor and then chucked her doll that she had brought in from home down on the ground next to her really hard. A bit later on, she aggressively marched over to the same DC with a angry look on her face and forcefully removed her dummy from her mouth. Whilst having dinner, the same DC was trying to take food from another's plate and she again grabbed her hand away in not a nice way and shouted NO. I don't do nappies as I am lunch cover so I let her know that this DC had soiled their nappy, as she was on nappies and there was no other staff present. She gave a look of disgust to the DC and didn't say anything. I made a note of these things. I was looking for advice as I know I need to report this but this member of staff has been there a long time whereas I haven't and I have a feeling I won't be believed as I think she is seen as a very competent member of staff but this was witnessed by just me. How can I approach this please

Omg this has nearly brought me to tears, I feel for the parents sending their child somewhere to be treated like that.
You should feel proud of yourself that you are trying to advocate for this child as the child can't do that.
Please report to management, if there is any come back I would contact ofsted or something. This can't go on.
I have a child at nursery and honestly it's hard not knowing what really goes on behind closed doors x

Layla30 · 01/02/2025 21:00

@Emrald1 I could have written this myself a few years ago. I worked in a small private nursery and the assistant manager was horrible to children and staff. She was highly thought of and a friend of the manager/owner so I knew I probably wouldn’t be taken seriously.
I kept a note of every single worrying incident over the period of a month and one day when I couldn’t take it anymore I matched into the owners office and presented her with the evidence.
I got asked to leave but made sure I told other staff what had happened and encouraged them to come forward if they too had concerns. About 6 months later the nursery got shut down - heard the owner went bankrupt and was glad as she stuck by the nursery nurse I had complained about so didn’t deserve to stay open!

Hello55 · 01/02/2025 21:00

Emrald1 · 31/01/2025 21:16

Today, my colleague was in a bad mood and just wanted to do tasks like clearing drawers and not interact with the children. She was frustrated with a DC crying and said 'right, this is what we're going to do' and she forcefully grabbed her by the hand and marched her over, plonked her hard down on the floor and then chucked her doll that she had brought in from home down on the ground next to her really hard. A bit later on, she aggressively marched over to the same DC with a angry look on her face and forcefully removed her dummy from her mouth. Whilst having dinner, the same DC was trying to take food from another's plate and she again grabbed her hand away in not a nice way and shouted NO. I don't do nappies as I am lunch cover so I let her know that this DC had soiled their nappy, as she was on nappies and there was no other staff present. She gave a look of disgust to the DC and didn't say anything. I made a note of these things. I was looking for advice as I know I need to report this but this member of staff has been there a long time whereas I haven't and I have a feeling I won't be believed as I think she is seen as a very competent member of staff but this was witnessed by just me. How can I approach this please

I forgot to add in my reply pressed send before saying this is a safeguarding issue. Please don't delay taking action x

Moll2020 · 01/02/2025 21:18

There will be a whistleblowing policy. Follow it. This is a red flag and you being new and the other staff member not is totally irrelevant. Bullying children is totally unacceptable

strawberryjeans · 01/02/2025 21:30

AleaEim · 01/02/2025 00:32

OP this is sadly common and it won’t be your last time seeing this type of behaviour in a nursery. I did some nursery temping a few summers ago, I worked in 12 different nurseries and each one I saw this kind of behaviour. I reported it to ofsted.

Totally agree with you :( now I’m a mum myself it makes me very anxious. I’ll do all I can to not send my baby till DC can talk and even then I’ll be so selective. The ofsted outstanding is sometimes a red herring too. I’ve found really caring requires improvement settings and lousy ‘outstanding’ ones

Wobblytrouble · 01/02/2025 22:02

What the actual f*ck am I reading??? How is it that there are so many examples of abuse in nurseries?? I’ve just this week sent our second child to the same nursery our first born went to as I’ve gone back to work. This thread is making me feel sick to my stomach. I’ve always felt positive and trusting about our nursery but now I’m having serious doubts. But what can we do… all quit our jobs to look after our children during the early years??

Please tell me there are some nurseries that aren’t like this??? Lots of the nursery staff at ours send their own kids to the same establishment. Surely this is a good sign??

I really hope you do report this and are supported OP.

strawberryjeans · 01/02/2025 22:09

Wobblytrouble · 01/02/2025 22:02

What the actual f*ck am I reading??? How is it that there are so many examples of abuse in nurseries?? I’ve just this week sent our second child to the same nursery our first born went to as I’ve gone back to work. This thread is making me feel sick to my stomach. I’ve always felt positive and trusting about our nursery but now I’m having serious doubts. But what can we do… all quit our jobs to look after our children during the early years??

Please tell me there are some nurseries that aren’t like this??? Lots of the nursery staff at ours send their own kids to the same establishment. Surely this is a good sign??

I really hope you do report this and are supported OP.

They are not all like this. I used to work in nurseries. Some are really lovely places, but some are not, more than parents would expect I think. Trust your gut, if your children are happy, staff turnover is low etc then it is likely to be fine.

Original poster
Emrald1 · 01/02/2025 22:15

Ok, so I will go to management first thing Monday. The reason I didn't at the time was because manager wasn't on site Friday and I posted here for advice as it's a awful situation to witness, I am a single mum and this is my first job return to work now my DD started school. I applied for this job as I genuinely do care about children

OP posts:
Original poster
Emrald1 · 01/02/2025 22:22

Also, I should add, I found out that this staff member has recently lost a grandparent and I know she was saying she was suffering with lack of sleep, I know this is no excuse at all, Im just worried that management will say that she is going through a tough time, of course if this happens I will contact LADO. I do know the whistleblowing policy, I just wanted to come on here and ask for advice as its distressing and I am new to the role, in what seems a clicky place

OP posts:
DonnyBurrito · 01/02/2025 22:22

Emrald1 · 01/02/2025 22:15

Ok, so I will go to management first thing Monday. The reason I didn't at the time was because manager wasn't on site Friday and I posted here for advice as it's a awful situation to witness, I am a single mum and this is my first job return to work now my DD started school. I applied for this job as I genuinely do care about children

I agree that you should take the parents aside, too, and let them know that you think their child has been treated unfairly. They need to know, as part of a multi agency approach. If her behaviour is unusual or challenging at home, they have a better idea of why it might be. Please do this, they deserve to know and to place her elsewhere immediately.

starsinthedarksky · 01/02/2025 22:34

Wobblytrouble · 01/02/2025 22:02

What the actual f*ck am I reading??? How is it that there are so many examples of abuse in nurseries?? I’ve just this week sent our second child to the same nursery our first born went to as I’ve gone back to work. This thread is making me feel sick to my stomach. I’ve always felt positive and trusting about our nursery but now I’m having serious doubts. But what can we do… all quit our jobs to look after our children during the early years??

Please tell me there are some nurseries that aren’t like this??? Lots of the nursery staff at ours send their own kids to the same establishment. Surely this is a good sign??

I really hope you do report this and are supported OP.

A lot of nurseries definitely aren’t like this!

Don’t get me wrong, there absolutely are some awful places about (but it’s usually really easy to spot these!) however I have found they are in the minority.

I work in an absolutely lovely little nursery, each staff member cares so much about the children. I literally cried this week when a nonverbal child said 3 words to me throughout the day because it’s such a massive achievement for them. We work together as a team across all the rooms. Our training is updated when needed and we have extra training on things like SEN and EAL.

Staff sending their children can be a good sign but just because staff don’t send their child there won’t mean it’s a bad nursery. I send my children to a completely different setting as working with them definitely wouldn’t work best for us.

ThistleTits · 01/02/2025 23:22

@Emrald1 report these incidents. There may have been previous reports. Go to the most senior manager and tell them face to face, then follow up with an email (ensuring a paper trail). If by any chance you are not believed, you report this to the council's safeguarding team. You are doing correct thing, for the child, yourself and the nursery.
Stay strong.

Bowies · 02/02/2025 01:06

Report to Ofsted so it will trigger an inspection

SerenStarEtoile · 02/02/2025 01:22

Hi Emrald

Sending you love and strength.

Yes, go to manager first thing, even if things are busy, with your written account. Hopefully they will act immediately.

CanelliniBeans · 02/02/2025 09:11

Emrald1 · 01/02/2025 22:22

Also, I should add, I found out that this staff member has recently lost a grandparent and I know she was saying she was suffering with lack of sleep, I know this is no excuse at all, Im just worried that management will say that she is going through a tough time, of course if this happens I will contact LADO. I do know the whistleblowing policy, I just wanted to come on here and ask for advice as its distressing and I am new to the role, in what seems a clicky place

Good for you. The right thing is not always the easy thing.
Perhaps the staff member needs more support and this will enable that.
Ultimately though it's about the child and their experience.
It might be your first job in a nursery but you're exactly the sort of nursery worker I would want to look after my child.

Zaichik · 02/02/2025 10:35

I haven't read the whole thread so I am not sure if this has been said, but, if management don't do anything about it, you should report it to the local authority designated officer for safeguarding (LADO). This is what the management should do with any allegation that a member of staff has harmed a child. They should not investigate it until they have taken advice from the LADO. They are also legally required to notify Ofsted. You can also do this if you are concerned.

All of this should have been in the safeguarding training you had when you started at the setting.

rugbyman79 · 02/02/2025 12:44

Emrald1 · 31/01/2025 21:16

Today, my colleague was in a bad mood and just wanted to do tasks like clearing drawers and not interact with the children. She was frustrated with a DC crying and said 'right, this is what we're going to do' and she forcefully grabbed her by the hand and marched her over, plonked her hard down on the floor and then chucked her doll that she had brought in from home down on the ground next to her really hard. A bit later on, she aggressively marched over to the same DC with a angry look on her face and forcefully removed her dummy from her mouth. Whilst having dinner, the same DC was trying to take food from another's plate and she again grabbed her hand away in not a nice way and shouted NO. I don't do nappies as I am lunch cover so I let her know that this DC had soiled their nappy, as she was on nappies and there was no other staff present. She gave a look of disgust to the DC and didn't say anything. I made a note of these things. I was looking for advice as I know I need to report this but this member of staff has been there a long time whereas I haven't and I have a feeling I won't be believed as I think she is seen as a very competent member of staff but this was witnessed by just me. How can I approach this please

nursery manager and if nothing happens to social services

starsinthedarksky · 02/02/2025 12:53

rugbyman79 · 02/02/2025 12:44

nursery manager and if nothing happens to social services

Show quote history

LADO, not social services.

rugbyman79 · 02/02/2025 13:10

starsinthedarksky · 02/02/2025 12:53

LADO, not social services.

Show quote history

right.

Daftlass88 · 02/02/2025 17:49

Oh my goodness - report! You have a duty of care and I would consider this to be a safeguarding issue. Certainly as being a member of staff there. Please tell someone.