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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

New to working in a nursery and witnessed horrible treatment

264 replies

Emrald1 · 31/01/2025 21:16

Today, my colleague was in a bad mood and just wanted to do tasks like clearing drawers and not interact with the children. She was frustrated with a DC crying and said 'right, this is what we're going to do' and she forcefully grabbed her by the hand and marched her over, plonked her hard down on the floor and then chucked her doll that she had brought in from home down on the ground next to her really hard. A bit later on, she aggressively marched over to the same DC with a angry look on her face and forcefully removed her dummy from her mouth. Whilst having dinner, the same DC was trying to take food from another's plate and she again grabbed her hand away in not a nice way and shouted NO. I don't do nappies as I am lunch cover so I let her know that this DC had soiled their nappy, as she was on nappies and there was no other staff present. She gave a look of disgust to the DC and didn't say anything. I made a note of these things. I was looking for advice as I know I need to report this but this member of staff has been there a long time whereas I haven't and I have a feeling I won't be believed as I think she is seen as a very competent member of staff but this was witnessed by just me. How can I approach this please

OP posts:
Person1234 · 02/02/2025 17:50

Report her immediately.

fashionqueen0123 · 02/02/2025 19:23

Wobblytrouble · 01/02/2025 22:02

What the actual f*ck am I reading??? How is it that there are so many examples of abuse in nurseries?? I’ve just this week sent our second child to the same nursery our first born went to as I’ve gone back to work. This thread is making me feel sick to my stomach. I’ve always felt positive and trusting about our nursery but now I’m having serious doubts. But what can we do… all quit our jobs to look after our children during the early years??

Please tell me there are some nurseries that aren’t like this??? Lots of the nursery staff at ours send their own kids to the same establishment. Surely this is a good sign??

I really hope you do report this and are supported OP.

The problem is you’ll never know for sure. One of my friends sent her child to a nursery she thought was ok. One day she got there early and looked through the window to see what was going on. Needless to say her kid never went back there…

I did indeed quit my normal type of job for a while as I didn’t want to use childcare until my kids were 3. Or some people wil recommend using a childminder so your baby is in a home environment- although of course there is only one staff member but if you can find a well regarded one I’d go for that myself over a nursery.

Wobblytrouble · 02/02/2025 20:37

fashionqueen0123 · 02/02/2025 19:23

The problem is you’ll never know for sure. One of my friends sent her child to a nursery she thought was ok. One day she got there early and looked through the window to see what was going on. Needless to say her kid never went back there…

I did indeed quit my normal type of job for a while as I didn’t want to use childcare until my kids were 3. Or some people wil recommend using a childminder so your baby is in a home environment- although of course there is only one staff member but if you can find a well regarded one I’d go for that myself over a nursery.

Show quote history

But the thing is with a childminder that there is nobody else there to hold them to account - in my mind it’s even more unknown than a nursery as they can do whatever on their own and nobody will be there to observe or pull them up on anything that doesn’t seem right. I always concluded that the more people taking care of the children the better and less places for them to hide, Bur it seems like I’m wrong here..,

fashionqueen0123 · 02/02/2025 21:52

Wobblytrouble · 02/02/2025 20:37

But the thing is with a childminder that there is nobody else there to hold them to account - in my mind it’s even more unknown than a nursery as they can do whatever on their own and nobody will be there to observe or pull them up on anything that doesn’t seem right. I always concluded that the more people taking care of the children the better and less places for them to hide, Bur it seems like I’m wrong here..,

Show quote history

I know what you mean. I think if you can get a recommendation off a good friend I’d still go for a childminder though over a nursery environment. They often also seem to be a bit older, more experience etc
The best would be a nanny in your own home but obviously that’s expensive!

Original poster
Emrald1 · 02/02/2025 22:50

CanelliniBeans · 02/02/2025 09:11

Good for you. The right thing is not always the easy thing.
Perhaps the staff member needs more support and this will enable that.
Ultimately though it's about the child and their experience.
It might be your first job in a nursery but you're exactly the sort of nursery worker I would want to look after my child.

Show quote history

Thank you, that means a lot! and thank you everyone for your advice with this

OP posts:
Original poster
Emrald1 · 02/02/2025 23:00

I've noticed in the setting, management are not very present, they spend most of the time in the office or sometimes WFH, I just feel like they won't be aware what goes on, staff also seem to fall out or are always making digs about others and it feels like a place where you'd be spoke about as soon as you leave the room and I can tell a few generally don't want to be there. I am finding this hard as I am just there genuinely to look after the children and ensure they are happy and I really do want to work with children, but this setting is not a good one overall

OP posts:
MumWifeOther · 02/02/2025 23:44

HJA87 · 31/01/2025 22:29

Or there should be more encouragement from the government for parents to look after their own young babies. I agree that early years are extremely important but babies don’t need formal education. Instead of giving more funding to nurseries, households with stay at home parents should be given tax credits.

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Totally agree with this. Support parents to stay home with their little ones, the early years are the most formative and important ones in a child’s life. I’m so grateful that none of mine ever went to nursery, even more so after reading this thread 😔💔

HowdoyoureallyKnow · 03/02/2025 20:37

@Emrald1 op how are you today, have you managed to say anything yet.

I wish this thread could stay as a sticky to warn parents and make sure people are on their guard when looking at nurseries I do feel there is too much blind faith.
Alert, vigilant parents who want the honest truth about their nursery are the ones who will drive up standard.

HowdoyoureallyKnow · 03/02/2025 20:39

@MumWifeOther @HJA87

I agree as well I can't understand why the government wants to get children out of their parents arms?

But we definitely need more support for mums and sure start centers and the like

Zaichik · 05/02/2025 18:51

@Emrald1 Please tell us you've reported what you saw and that LADO has been informed.

scoobysnaxx · 05/02/2025 20:21

I hope to God she's reported it please

Thehop · 05/02/2025 20:24

Oh love I'm so sorry you've found yourself in this awful
place. Rest assured this is not what all nurseries are like. Some of us do the job because we genuinely want to I prove outcomes for children and love seeing them thrive.

you can report to your dsl or manager. If you don't like their response you then go to LADO. You can also go to OFSTED.

please pm me if you want specific area help with this.

HowdoyoureallyKnow · 08/02/2025 14:45

Hi op any updates

Alwaysalert · 02/03/2025 11:01

User67556 - just ignore Greenbottle123 and her fan - for some unknown twisted reason, they are trying to unnerve you and get you worried about the Childcare facility you use. I think the person who witnessed the abuse has a duty to report it - and should have done so immediately. If I thought anywhere whether Child/Elderly/Vulnerable/Animal facility showed even the smallest area of neglect or abuse I would immediately object and report to Manager - if I wasn't satisfied with response I would go to LA or relevant body. In saying all of that, if you are as sure as you can be that your Care centre is fine then ignore no evidence negative comments. Asking you once How do you know? is fine but to keep on asking is just provoking a response and trying to make you feel uneasy. Sad person. Go with your guts and if things change then challenge.

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