A man called me stupid in front of my daughter

[Springsunshine28]

As I was exiting the lift with my two-year-old in the pram, another pram went out ahead of us. Since I was backing out, I didn’t realize they were still near the elevator entrance, and I accidentally bumped into the woman with the other pram. I was looking at my phone while maneuvering, but I immediately apologized. However, her husband deliberately said, "She’s on her phone, she’s stupid." My little girl heard it and repeated, "Mum, are you stupid." I was absolutely fuming and really wanted to retaliate. I was so angry and told him that I already apologized and I think you're stupid and rude. I know I should have just ignored it but it really made me so angry.

I don't think you're overreacting. Obviously not great behaviour to be on your phone, but that doesn't justify him calling you names, especially in front of your child. Just be glad you're not married to him and don't have to put up with his nasty remarks every day!

I agree, we need more women calling out this petulant behaviour from men. And as you say, OP apologised. People make mistakes sometimes and short of turning back time an apology is all that can be done. The only people who carry the issue on either have anger management issues or are clinically stupid (or just a bully who thinks a mistake gives them the right to be a nasty fucker)

That was to @PeppyGreenFinch

It does.

There is a nasty breed of man who speak to women very differently to men.

So what?

It's still just one person using words to or about another person.

There were no physical threats, so genitals don't come into this.

He thought the OP was stupid and said so. Just as plenty of women on this thread thought the OP was stupid too.

Technically OP was the one who 'carried the issue on', as she called him stupid after hearing the remark to his wife.

Out of interest, how would you react if some bloke rammed into you with a buggy while his nose was stuck in his phone?

See I don’t think that we should just take abuse and not stand up for ourselves. At all. It’s a shame you would just let yourself be walked all over but I admire people who don’t

Out of interest, how would you react if some bloke rammed into you with a buggy while his nose was stuck in his phone?

OP didn’t ram into anyone with her buggy.

But if this happened and he apologised, because I’m a grown woman and not a weirdo, I’d accept it and move on with my life. I wouldn’t be all maiden-like or angry and chunter in calling him names because I’m not a big baby. You can’t turn back time so an apology is the next best thing

What would you do?

Oh and BTW a woman once broke my toe in Magaluf (MANY years ago) by dancing backwards and she had a nail for a heel. It hurt like hell but I managed to not call her names over it even though she definitely could have been more careful. These things happen. It’s life and I for one certainly don’t expect to go through life never ever once being inconvenienced or at the wrong end of a minor accident.

So just to get this straight, the man calling someone stupid was 'abuse', but the woman calling someone stupid was 'standing up for herself? Was the man not standing up for his wife?

And yes, in the heat of the moment I'd probably refer to any man OR woman as stupid if they rammed me with a buggy because they couldn't stop scrolling Facebook for 30 seconds to actually look where they were going. It was ignorant, thoughtless...and stupid.

He called her stupid AFTER she apologised. Of course she was justified to call him rude and stupid when he said that. Why do you think she wasn’t?

Yes. He started it. OP finished it. Bullies always start it

In what way was he standing up for his wife?! She didn’t need standing up for, the OP knocked into her, she didn’t thump her to the ground. Whereas he called the OP a horrible name in front of her child

Well can I suggest you get a grip if someone banging into you makes you so angry. Goodness however do you cope in the real world or workplace if a simple and harmless mistake upsets you so much you turn to insults? You’re not a toddler, deal with it. Did you never ever take your eye off the ball for a second?

Exactly. Was she supposed to turn back time?

Honestly I didn’t think people actually existed who get angry about very minor stuff that can’t be changed. So pleased I don’t ever have to converse with such losers IRL

Does an apology absolve the OP of any responsibility or something then? Can we all go around not lookong where we're going, as long as we offer a quick apology after we inadvertently hit somebody?

Frankly - yes. Accidents happen. People bump into each tower and have been for millennia. The world has not ended as a result.

What did you expect the OP to do? Then back time? Burst into tears and grovel? Self flagellate?

And an apology is just an apology. It was an accident. She doesn’t need to be absolved of anything she bumped into someone she didn’t stab them in the eye on purpose

Well you'd be wrong

Men square up to each other all the time.

Billy big bollocks types

Like to look tough

I've seen it

Yes, he called the OP a name... but then OP called him the same name right back. In front of her child. Mother of the Year, eh?

I don't know if you've ever had your legs hit by a buggy, but it bloody hurts. Hardly the same as accidentally knocking someone's shoulder in the street. And the entire situation could have very easily been avoided if the OP had been a little less ignorant and taken her eyes off of her phone.

Maybe in your circles and location but certainly not in mine. I’ve never seen a man square up to another man in a lift because his wife got mildly bumped into.

What more do you want OP to do? I’ve banged into people, people have banged into me. Most of the time people apologise and move on with their day.

When people bang into me, an apology is enough for me. It’s just an acknowledgement that they didn’t mean to hurt me. That’s all I need.

I can’t imagine calling someone stupid for a genuine mistake that they’re sorry for.

You seem to be saying the man was right to call OP stupid and OP was wrong to reply and call him stupid? Why do you think that?

Am i the only one surprised a two year even knows what it means?? Who uses it around her?

Well I would expect anybody with half a brain to not be gawping at their mobile phone while pushing a heavy buggy out of a lift.

Although the types of parents doing this don't usually have much of a brain, to be fair.

Well actually I think it’s good to model to your children that bullies should be called out. I stand up to people in front of my children.

A bit of a low blow making a snarky comment about her parenting. What about the man - is he a shit dad for calling a woman stupid in front of his child?

Yes I have had a buggy hit my legs but I get over it in about 0.2 seconds because I’m not a weirdo. But the OP didn’t hit the woman with a buggy, so not sure what your point is.

Why aren’t you criticising the father for not being Father of the Year by calling someone stupid in front of his child?

Why the double standard?

Aren't you an angel?

Plenty of WOMEN would call her all sorts if she did that. Stop making it a gender issue

Nursery, TV, people in the street. My DD said “fucking bastard” relentlessly as a 2yo because a man in a supermarket queue said it

I love how people are now suggesting OP is a child abuser. Pathetic