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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have a go at my partner for buying me chocolate?

82 replies

Sundaycoffee · 30/01/2025 22:44

I've expressed to him how unhappy I am with my weight multiple times within the past couple of months. He's been on holiday for 3 weeks and in that time I've managed to lose 6 pounds which I was really happy with.
He's returned home for my birthday. I told him I would enjoy my day (one nice meal out) then get back on the wagon straight away.
Cue him turning up at my door with two big boxes of chocolates. Really I'm annoyed at myself for not having the willpower and restraint to stop myself from eating them and I've just scoffed a load of them on the sofa and feel bloody awful! I know he's doing it as a nice gesture but it also feels like he isn't listening/supporting me.
He said he bought them as its my birthday "week" so i can eat what i want. I tried to explain that if I ate whatever I wanted for a week the near half a stone that I've spent 3 weeks trying to lose would be back in an instant!
Now I'm feeling guilty and ungrateful and probably a bit unreasonable but it doesn't feel like he's taking me seriously....
I just don't understand why you would turn up at the door with two huge boxes of chocolates for someone you know is trying to build healthier habits?

OP posts:
Sneezeless · 30/01/2025 22:46

YABU unless he is pinning you down and force feeding them to you. It's up to you to control what you shove in your gob.

comedycentral · 30/01/2025 22:47

First of all, happy birthday, and well done on your recent weight loss!

Old habits can be hard to change, including purchasing "treats" for someone who might have enjoyed chocolate treats previously.

Going forward, give him some new ideas about alternative treats; Valentine's Day is coming up, so he might appreciate some pointers.

User67556 · 30/01/2025 22:49

Give them away straight away next time. If you have a lot of weight to lose mounjaro gives you the willpower and stops you wanting to eat this stuff.

SereneCapybara · 30/01/2025 22:49

Just share them! Offer them to friends and family who come over, or take them into work. Have a couple of your favourites and give the rest away. Tell him it was kind but if he wants to treat you, you'd rather have flowers or bubble bath than chocolates.

Original poster
Sundaycoffee · 30/01/2025 22:49

Sneezeless · 30/01/2025 22:46

YABU unless he is pinning you down and force feeding them to you. It's up to you to control what you shove in your gob.

🤣🤣 sadly I can't blame it on him. Like I said I'm feeling annoyed at myself and probably taking it out on him. I was worried the alternative of giving them back to him and saying I don't want them would seem horribly ungrateful?

OP posts:
Sleepingcatsanddogs · 30/01/2025 22:50

Oh please get a grip.

Offleyhoo · 30/01/2025 22:50

I agree with you. I think he should be supporting you and not bringing you something unhealthy that you're actively trying to avoid. You've done SO well. I think throw the open box away and give the other box to someone tomorrow. It's not easy and having it there makes it even harder. Keep going! 💐

Agix · 30/01/2025 22:50

YABU. You can bin or gift away food if you cant control yourself around it. Its not your partners fault you cant.

comedycentral · 30/01/2025 22:51

Sundaycoffee · 30/01/2025 22:49

🤣🤣 sadly I can't blame it on him. Like I said I'm feeling annoyed at myself and probably taking it out on him. I was worried the alternative of giving them back to him and saying I don't want them would seem horribly ungrateful?

Show quote history

Don't beat yourself up, what's done is done now. Make a plan for what you will do if you are faced with this situation again.

Offleyhoo · 30/01/2025 22:52

People saying he's not forcing you to eat them, get a grip etc perhaps don't have a full appreciation of how hard it is.

Movinghouseatlast · 30/01/2025 22:53

Can you not just eat one a night? I have one square of chocolate a night even on a diet ( recently lost 3 and a half stone)

ErrolTheDragon · 30/01/2025 22:53

Offleyhoo · 30/01/2025 22:50

I agree with you. I think he should be supporting you and not bringing you something unhealthy that you're actively trying to avoid. You've done SO well. I think throw the open box away and give the other box to someone tomorrow. It's not easy and having it there makes it even harder. Keep going! 💐

I agree. He may have meant it nicely but he didn't really listen to what you were saying, buying a lot of chocolate really wasn't a very thoughtful gift.

CheezePleeze · 30/01/2025 22:55

You're giving him mixed messages if you're serious about losing weight, yet you've chosen to celebrate your birthday with food.

There are a million and one things you could do to celebrate, like going to the theatre or on a day out doing something you love for example.

But now you've made it clear, I'm sure he won't make the same mistake again.

Gowlett · 30/01/2025 22:55

Are they big boxes of El Crappo chocolate?
Use this as a lesson that you don’t want to eat this sort of thing anymore. Look at the good side, he may have done you a favour!

Original poster
Sundaycoffee · 30/01/2025 22:57

Movinghouseatlast · 30/01/2025 22:53

Can you not just eat one a night? I have one square of chocolate a night even on a diet ( recently lost 3 and a half stone)

If that were possible for me I don't think I would be needing to write this post. I find cutting down a lot more difficult than cutting it out completely. I make a conscious effort not to have sweets and chocolate in the house for this reason.
I'm really trying to work on changing my all or nothing mentality. Once I start it's just a slippery slope for me rather than being able to be satisfied with just one chcolate.

OP posts:
Original poster
Sundaycoffee · 30/01/2025 22:58

CheezePleeze · 30/01/2025 22:55

You're giving him mixed messages if you're serious about losing weight, yet you've chosen to celebrate your birthday with food.

There are a million and one things you could do to celebrate, like going to the theatre or on a day out doing something you love for example.

But now you've made it clear, I'm sure he won't make the same mistake again.

But I did make it clear. I told him I wanted to enjoy one meal out and then get back on the wagon the next day. Not have 2 big boxes of chcolate loitering around in my cupboards after

OP posts:
MrsSkylerWhite · 30/01/2025 23:00

Donate them to a food bank. We were given a lot of expensive, unnecessary stuff at Christmas. We didn’t need it but it felt wasteful to chuck it.

I took a couple of bags in and sort of apologised that it was frivolous, luxury stuff.

They were more than happy to take it all.

LizzoBennett · 30/01/2025 23:01

Is he quite overweight? Could some jealousy/fear of you losing weight without him be at play?

Two boxes makes it seem deliberate.

AcrossthePond55 · 30/01/2025 23:17

@Sundaycoffee

Ok, on the one hand, yes, you need to develop more willpower. But on the other hand, he's a diet saboteur. And to say "Oh it's your birthday, eat what you want for the week" is awful. Because I agree, what you lose in a month you can easily gain back in a week.

Would we say it's OK for someone to gift an alcoholic a bottle and then say "But you shouldn't have drunk it all in one go?". No. Would we say it's OK for someone to gift an addict a bottle of pills? No. I get that struggling to lose weight is not in the same category as substance addiction, but the 'theory' is the same. If someone is trying to refrain from something, it's not fair to put that something right in front of them.

I'd watch his actions and listen to his words very carefully during this weight loss journey to see how supportive he is of your efforts and your results. Don't let him sabotage you.

Original poster
Sundaycoffee · 30/01/2025 23:17

LizzoBennett · 30/01/2025 23:01

Is he quite overweight? Could some jealousy/fear of you losing weight without him be at play?

Two boxes makes it seem deliberate.

I think really he's just a bit clueless rather than it being deliberately manipulative.
He just said I thought you deserve to enjoy your birthday week and then just get back on it again after the weekend citing "moderation" etc.
But personally for me that could take me right back to where I was 3 weeks ago.

OP posts:
Kibble29 · 30/01/2025 23:21

Agree that he should be supporting your lifestyle change and hopefully now he’ll think twice. Give him other ideas of non-edibles you like.

With that said, willpower comes from you. I know it’s hard. But I recently read something like “Saying no to junk food is hard. Joint pain, breathlessness and obesity is hard. You choose your hard” and it’s true.

If you’re struggling, mounjaro is great.

Nothanks17 · 31/01/2025 07:56

I think it would have been worse it he showed up with a fruit and protein powder basket if I am honest. He is showing you you deserve a treat at a celebration time and it also shows he loves you the wah thay you are.

Macrodatarefiner · 31/01/2025 07:59

Sleepingcatsanddogs · 30/01/2025 22:50

Oh please get a grip.

Not fair really. Would you say the same to an alcoholic whose partner keeps buying them booze when they've been 3 weeks dry?

RickiRaccoon · 31/01/2025 08:10

I get the annoyance. Donate them or just throw what's left into the bin right now. They're better there than on your tummy/ conscience. It's a pain when people go against what we're trying hard to achieve -- whether with best intentions or not.

Penguinmouse · 31/01/2025 08:16

It’s a little bit of both. Your lack of willpower is not his fault but him buying you lots of chocs when he knows you’re on a diet and trying to lose weight is a barrier especially when you said “one meal out then back on it.”

To quote Joe Wicks, don’t make a bad day a bad week. Draw a line under it, say you appreciate the gifts but no more treats and go back to do what you are doing.