To have a go at my partner for buying me chocolate?

[Sundaycoffee]

I've expressed to him how unhappy I am with my weight multiple times within the past couple of months. He's been on holiday for 3 weeks and in that time I've managed to lose 6 pounds which I was really happy with.
He's returned home for my birthday. I told him I would enjoy my day (one nice meal out) then get back on the wagon straight away.
Cue him turning up at my door with two big boxes of chocolates. Really I'm annoyed at myself for not having the willpower and restraint to stop myself from eating them and I've just scoffed a load of them on the sofa and feel bloody awful! I know he's doing it as a nice gesture but it also feels like he isn't listening/supporting me.
He said he bought them as its my birthday "week" so i can eat what i want. I tried to explain that if I ate whatever I wanted for a week the near half a stone that I've spent 3 weeks trying to lose would be back in an instant!
Now I'm feeling guilty and ungrateful and probably a bit unreasonable but it doesn't feel like he's taking me seriously....
I just don't understand why you would turn up at the door with two huge boxes of chocolates for someone you know is trying to build healthier habits?

My husband bought me my favourite chocolates for our wedding anniversary when I had gestational diabetes and couldn't eat them for another 5 months. He just got them out of habit and was mortified when he realised I really couldn't eat them. I was a bit sad but put them in a drawer until my baby was born. It was probably more lack of thought from your DP than not being encouraging.

I don’t think you are ungrateful at all. TWO boxes of chocolates when he knows you are trying to lose weight? At best it is thoughtless, at worst it is sabotage. It’s not like airports don’t sell perfume and toiletries/makeup. Does he like you to be overweight and - in his mind -less desirable to other men? Chuck away the contents of the opened box. If you’ve got a box left, take it into work, drop it off for a food bank or throw it all away. Do your body and teeth a favour. Well done on losing weight. It’s difficult.

She knows she has a food issue.

The she needs to stop blaming others!!

I do get where you are coming from. I suppose what's done is done now and all you can do is learn from it because people will do this sort to thing, and often unthinkingly. It might come from a place of kindness because they are trying to think of a gift that they can give and hit on the ubiquitous box of chocolates.

Donate them as previously suggested if you still have an unopened box. Tell him that while you appreciate the sentiment behind it, to please in future NOT buy you chocolates. To stick to other things that you have said you like (provide some guidance here, I generally say book vouchers).

I find I do have to reiterate this quite a lot in the run-up to birthdays or Christmas.

Don’t demonise chocolate when you’re trying to lose weight. Nothing wrong with having some, in fact it’s probably a good thing.

He's more than "clueless" if he's actively ignoring your clear communication of your plan. He's undermining your attempts to lose weight. Lots of people do this, but it's pretty shit when it's your partner.

Seeming ungrateful shouldn't concern you in this situation.

I voted YANBU - he isn't listening to you. Its your health that is a consideration too, as someone else posted, why would you give an addict and weeks supply of alcohol, drugs etc. Food can be a drug to someone overweight just as much. He should be supporting you. He could have done anything else, to me that's a lazy gift too. He's been away for 3 weeks, were the chocolates bought at the airport on the way home??!

I'm torn on this one. He knew you were on a diet, so two big boxes of chocolates was a bit of a stupid present. But then he wasn't there to see you losing weight and what an effort it took you. So it wasn't as real to him. And when you said you were going to enjoy your birthday meal, he didn't realise you meant just that meal. Not thinking.
That's one possibility. The other possibility is that he didn't care, couldn't be bothered to think of something else, or doesn't like you being on a diet or losing weight.
Now that you've told him what's what, wait and see what he does next.
Yes it would have been better if you could have told him right away to take them back. You put his feelings above your need to keep temptation out of the house. You could have avoided this whole situation if you'd told him straight away that you didn't want them.

I deal with my food issues by not having those particular foods in the house. It sounds like OP does similar. If others want them then they can buy their own and keep it in their rooms. That way it is not mine and all is under control.

I can walk past the stuff in shops and the supermarket. I don't buy it. However, I don't want others to buy it for me either as that does throw a spanner into the works. It's usually kindly meant, but it does upset me and I then have to keep that under wraps in order not to seem ungrateful.

You are an adult right? You can control yourself and either not eat them or a piece at a time. He’s not forcing them into your gob I he. Honestly.

will power is a myth. We have millions of years of evolution setting us up to gorge on sugar when it’s put in front of us. Our bodies haven’t caught up to the Industrial Revolution.

The best way to not eat sugary, fattening food is to not have them in the house, which is what you’ve been doing.

Some people are saboteurs and like to keep their relationship partner slightly off balance- watch out for this.

Some people have their own complex relationship with food, or are love feeders. This isn’t as sinister as above but neither is it unreasonable to end the relationship if your values/health goals don’t align.

Some people need time to relearn old patterns but are basically well intentioned or need a bit of guidance.

Which one is he op?

In the meantime throw the sweets away. Skinny people don’t mind waste (that’s why they have a waist 😉) and expect a few tough days getting through the cravings, You’re approach to your birthday, having a nice meal, and then getting back on the wagon is a good one, good luck!

He's obviously not very imaginative even in the unimaginative presents department. Has he not heard of flowers or fruit baskets?

Op I can relate. It's easy to say no one is forcing you and just exercise your will power but that's very, very hard for some people (like me) and very unpleasant and draining especially when you are dieting. It's much easier to not be tempted in the first place.

We have had a lifelong battle with my parents and in laws because they get truckloads full of sweets in spite of dh and me begging them not to because it is just one more thing to make life harder. We just give it all alway now.

I think you can tell him it's sweet of him to get you chocolates but in the future to please not do that as it make life harder for.you

I doubt you will put a whole 6lb back on just from eating a couple of boxes of chocolates. Allow yourself the treat it's your birthday. It took you 6 weeks to lose the weight so I'm sure it would take you at least half that time to put it back on

YANBU. I get it. Losing weight can be bloody hard. People talking about willpower or just don’t eat them or be an adult have no fucking idea how hard that can be for some of us. I’d ask him to not get chocolate again and to instead get something like some fresh seasonal fruit like strawberries, cherries, grapes, nectarines, or similar. Still food, still delicious, but healthy. Well done on your weight loss. Keep going and don’t let the chocolate derail your efforts.

It sounds like he did a sweet thing for your birthday - please don't beat yourself up for treating yourself, and also please don't make him feel bad - he tried! If I were you I would take them into work or share with neighbours/family, so you're still enjoying them but only having a few for yourself.

When the birthday is out of the way, make it clear that you're giving up chocolate until you reach your goal.

Just give them to charity !!

he probably got them for a special occasion as you know ere willing to put aside for a dinner out.

You could’ve given them to your neighbour or something. doesn’t matter now what’s done is done.

For future reference you can go for dinner some whether healthy, low fat and or/raw food if you still want to have occasion meals.

This is on you I'm afraid.

I was diagnosed with diabetes two days before Christmas, cue me getting a mountain of chocolates, sweets, beers etc for Christmas as noone had time to buy me anything different.

Like you, I'd usually eat a load of them in one sitting and by now they'd all be gone, however I've been trying to lose a shedload of weight in order to reverse the diabetes, and have managed to lose a stone. I'm treating myself to one small chocolate or a few sweets a night, and I'll probably still be getting through them in June.

You are capable of resisting them, you just don't want to, don't have a strong enough incentive to.

This one is on you I'm afraid. You can't blame him.

Don't "have a go at him" have a calm discussion where you say you know he means well but you need him to understand how he can support you.

You TOLD him you intended to treat yourself with food. He contributed to that, as a quick way to please you. That messaging did come from you.

Maybe if you'd said you'd like to see a film or maybe have a weekend break instead? (three weeks holiday without you tho ????? - Sorry, that's not the subject of the thread!)

And nobody held you down and force fed you. I don't buy that you can't control that.

Time to take responsibility and not hand it to someone else.

If there are any left, sellotape the boxes up. If you go out to work, take the rest in and leave them in the coffee room, or meet friends for coffee and take them with you.

Investigate coaching to help you change your attitude to food and accountability.

All in a light-hearted manner...

My partner is trying to lose weight. I find it awkward/remorseful to have a snack/treat if I don't offer him some..he might want it or refuse.

If he helps himself to a snack, I remind him he's on a diet and then feel really bad afterwards.

I also get really annoyed when he jokingly blames the food when he can't lose the weight... can't win!

Having a couple of chocolates every now and again is not unhealthy and is not going to stop you losing weight . Actually sometimes you need that little treat to keep you going . As long as it’s all calorie controlled it’s fine to have a few over the course of a week or so . You didn’t have to scoff so many . This is all on you . They are not going to go off . You had a moment of weakness . Move on. Forget it. But don’t blame him .