To have a go at my partner for buying me chocolate?

[Sundaycoffee]

I've expressed to him how unhappy I am with my weight multiple times within the past couple of months. He's been on holiday for 3 weeks and in that time I've managed to lose 6 pounds which I was really happy with.
He's returned home for my birthday. I told him I would enjoy my day (one nice meal out) then get back on the wagon straight away.
Cue him turning up at my door with two big boxes of chocolates. Really I'm annoyed at myself for not having the willpower and restraint to stop myself from eating them and I've just scoffed a load of them on the sofa and feel bloody awful! I know he's doing it as a nice gesture but it also feels like he isn't listening/supporting me.
He said he bought them as its my birthday "week" so i can eat what i want. I tried to explain that if I ate whatever I wanted for a week the near half a stone that I've spent 3 weeks trying to lose would be back in an instant!
Now I'm feeling guilty and ungrateful and probably a bit unreasonable but it doesn't feel like he's taking me seriously....
I just don't understand why you would turn up at the door with two huge boxes of chocolates for someone you know is trying to build healthier habits?

Lol, considering I've seen posts of men going away on holiday or business trips and getting in trouble for NOT bringing back anything, dude is in a no-win!

Yes, he could have brought back perfume or some airport tat, but chocolates are a nice couple-share thing.

Have two a night like my partner and I do... not a whole box, jeez!

This is very useful advice, OP.

Ask him to spend the same amount of money on one much smaller box of chocolates in future. Quality not quantity.

DH has done similar with me after I have started a health kick around my weight. I simply told him I didn't want the treats. It was no big deal, he listened to me and has stopped buying chocolate for me without my express permission 😬

Take them to work and dish them out between your colleagues.

And if you are looking for a chocolate fix I can highly recommend greek yogurt with half a scoop of chocolate protein powder in, lush

Useless advice.

Put them in the freezer. That way, if you have a craving, take just one out and wait for it to defrost. It will take ages. By then, the craving will have passed. You'll eat the chocolate just because it's there, but you won't want to wait a couple of hours to defrost another one.

I used to have an 'emergency' Snickers bar in the freezer years ago. It's probably still in there!

As opposed to your stellar suggestions? Oh wait...

I mean YANBU for being annoyed he got you sugary crap when you are trying to lose weight and get healthier, but YADBU blaming him for you eating a load of it.
The best thing would have been a thanks anyway and given them to a friend or donate.

Hi OP. Don't be hard on yourself or your partner. He did a nice thing, even if he's slightly misjudged it. Weight loss is a long game and works best if you do it in a sustainable way so it's okay to have the occasional treat. You've recognised that it's an old habit you don't want to slip back to and mindset is one of the biggest obstacles so you're already well on the way. Put it behind you and get back on the wagon, as you planned. Congratulations on losing so far!

It can’t always be someone else’s fault if they have food near you or give it to you op. At some point you need to take personal responsibility.

I think it was a mistake rather than malicious.

Not everyone knows how difficult it is to lose weight.

Some of these replies are really cruel though. Get a grip, just eat one, use some willpower. Honestly! OP wouldn't need to diet if she could do those things easily.

It’s not his fault you have zero self control. Stuffing two boxes down is pretty gross.

Is he a partner or a boyfriend OP? You mention he turned up at your door, so I'm assuming the latter and perhaps you haven't been together for very long? In which case, maybe his go to presentation for birthdays is a box of chocolates and he had no idea what to get instead? A boyfriend of a few months I could forgive for that (if I believe that's the reason not deliberate sabotage) and then throw or give the boxes away when he's out of sight.

If he's a longer term boyfriend, or I've misread and he does live with you, then he's an ass. He should know you well enough to not buy such a lazy present. I can't imagine he's been sat on 2 boxes of chocolates for over 3 weeks, so he likely knew you were dieting when he bought them. It means he's either trying to sabotage you, he's thoughtless or he's lazy. Possibly all 3. And that is less forgivable. I would be watching his behaviour from now on to see if there is a pattern.

I hear you Op. My partner and I have got to the stage of full blown arguments because he continues to buy me chocolate for Christmas/birthday/Easter/anniversary in spite of me asking him repeatedly not to - especially when he subsequently comments on my weight increasing.

I envy the previous posters who say only to eat a square a night but, frankly, they don’t live with the same compulsive urges that we do around food/chocolate.

Unfortunately people like @sneezeless and @movinghouseatlast Don't get that if you have a problem with eating simply having it in the house is an issue. You dint give an alcoholic whisky because its their birthday week! Apologise for your response because he was being nice and explain how it works and what you need. I've had to do the same with mine. After months he Finally gets it. He can eat what he wants and never gains so it's hard when.you don't get it.

Please tell me how you do this!!!!🤣

That was unnecessarily nasty.

I'd be annoyed too...it's like someone giving up booze and then someone bringing them wine. While it's obviously not the worse thing in the world...it doesn't show he's supporting your endeavors (or listening to what you say). He could've got you bubble bath ur hand cream.

Two boxes is excessive. Why did he bring so much? You do need to have willpower though - you weren’t made to eat them. Part of it is about properly slowing down and thinking about what you are eating, not mindlessly reaching for chocolate after chocolate until an entire box or two is gone. That’s how most of us end up eating a tub of ice cream / family pack of something - by just not really thinking about what we are eating. If you can’t do that then next time, tell him to take the chocolates away. He really should know better though - it was a silly choice.

edited just to say I’ve had bulimia so I am saying this with kindness, not judgement x

Gently, you are not a child. You can't expect other people to be able to control your eating for you. I've been on a diet over my birthday and my partner bought me a big box of chocolates. I still have half a box sitting in the fridge 4 months later. I have one or two in the evening couple of times a week.

Did you ask him not to buy you chocolates? Obvs you eating them all is on you, you should have put them in the bin straight away, but if you asked him not to and he did, I do actually think that is unreasonable. When I was losing weight some years ago I asked my boyfriend at the time not to buy me chocolates and he bought me a fruit basket. If you were clear then he was disrespectful and I would be wondering why he dismissed your wishes. Does he not want you to lose weight? Or maybe you weren't clear enough. Next time you are confronted with a load of chocolate or anything, throw it or give it away for the willpower thing. One thing I did was when I had cravings I went and brushed my teeth. No idea why but psychologically it helped!

This is very much a "you" problem. You have an unhealthy attitude towards food and are not taking accountability for your problems. The problem is not the chocolcates, the problem is your binge eating. Firstly stop blaming him for giving you the chocolate- you could have either politely declined, accepted them but given them to someone later, or just ate one or two. You didn't have to over eat on them- that is on you. Chocolates last a long time, you could have eaten them in moderation. I'm not trying to be mean but until you face up to your issues you wont get out of this diet/binge eating cycle.

I get the all or nothing thing. I had a boyfriend that did similar, literally as soon as I said hmm I'm gonna stop eating crap and try and drop the lbs I've put on lately since we got together , every single time he came over he'd bring something food related. Whether it was McDonald's breakfast or chocolate, one time he brought me over a huge fruit pie, just for me

I could see what he was doing (the timing was too much of a coincidence), so I graciously thanked him each time and they went straight in the bin as soon as he was gone.

If the tables were turned and you knew he was on a health kick, would you bring him a 'present' that would sabotage his efforts?