Can we stop talking about men being trapped?

[ForRealCat]

Just from another few threads; we talk about women getting pregnant either intentionally, or accidently and carrying on against the mans wishes and how it "traps" the man. I can see how decades ago this may have been the case, women would get pregnant and any 'decent' man would be expected to step up and marry her. Thus securing a husband and a degree of financial security.

Nowadays I can see why a woman may get pregnant intentionally against her partners wishes, (maybe she wants more kids, feels like se is missing her chance etc), but can we stop talking about "trapping" a man. Very few men nowadays will wed a girl just because she is pregnant, and the financial support he is obliged to provide is to support the child and not the mother.

Very few women find themselves financially better off getting pregnant and claiming child maintenance. So AIBU to think the 'trapped' narrative has had its day.

I think you are right.

Getting pregnant on purpose against a partners wishes is disgusting. Does that work?

I think a lot of women still do this, its still a thing.

It's usually the men who have assets who won't marry their pregnant girlfriends - with good reason.

Probs don’t make a thread on it then

If you are not married you can literally refuse to sign the birth certificate and move away to open a child maintenance claim you have to find them first even if they find you and prove your the father it's 12% of your wages you still don't need to interact with the child plus if you have future children or even live with children not related to you it cuts down your payments so yes I agree men are not trapped by pregnancy

Surely the trapping is the woman hoping he will stay because she loves him. That's what I always understood it to mean, women who have little self worth and think the man will love them and stay if they have a child to bind them together.

Well they are trapped aren’t they?
Not into a relationship but into parenthood they didn’t want and can’t escape

Should’ve used a condom then. It’s not like they aren’t taught these things

Its not censorship to say a particular rational is now outdated, and to enter a debate and just put out a stock argument that hasn't been a reality in the UK for 30 years is lazy and crude.

She got pregnant to trap him into marriage, is about as accurate in the UK nowadays to say she got pregnant to get her pilots licence. They are both unrelated and factually absurd

Of course. That is factually correct.

Like I said, there are reasons why she might, they are untenable. But to say it is to trap is no longer the case.

YANBU OP. A recent thread was a depressing read. One poster said she knows a man who was trapped/tricked into having a baby…apparently his wife “got him excited” while he was in the bath and he had sex with her - the wife’s fault entirely apparently she should’ve known he had no control over his urges. Now he moans she tricked him into pregnancy. Pathetic loser or what

Yeah this is really hard on the poor men. Sex ed 101 = sex can lead to babies! Even with a condom.
Don't want babies? Don't have sex.

If my real life observations, and the stories of countless women posting on MN, are anything to go by, it's men who trap women with children. So many women trapped in low paid work with scant prospects and tiny pensions due to being primary carers. Trapped with often awful men as they have nowhere to go and unable to support themselves financially or left holding the baby and trapped in poverty as single mothers.

I know the maternal urge can be overwhelming, but I'm not sure why any woman bothers these days.

It’s not like women press a button and become pregnant. Men have to have sex with them. And they COULD use protection but choose not to, knowing it could result in pregnancy. The only disgusting thing about that is how stupid men are

Censored!? Where do you get that idea. Op is starting a discussion on a pov. It's a conversation not the vocabulary police. 🫠

Thats a very good point. Marriage does at least offer some protection against that though.

Really? Surely it's well known that contraception can fail? Therefore if someone really really doesn't want a baby they need to either abstain or get sterilised.
Most people would consider the risk worth it of course! But men can't blame the woman when they voluntarily engage in an act with a known risk of producing a baby.

Come on to make the point @Hodcafesuk has: evidence from the bulk of threads here is that it’s women who are trapped by having children. Trapped in bad relationships, trapped in financial precarity, trapped in domestic drudgery.

Maybe we should, although getting pregnant intentionally against a partner’s will is pretty low behaviour.

But, then maybe we should stop talking about women being ‘trapped’ in marriages to high earners when they have elected to stay at home?

At the end of the day, they are not trapped either, they just need to compromise on their lifestyle and get back into the workplace.

Alternatively, maybe we could let free speech prevail and allow people to say what they want and judge individual cases on their merits.

Compulsory reliable contraception for both men and women would be a good idea. And if they decided to bring a baby into being they would have to both sign to say they understood the long term commitment they were making. And only then could the contraception be removed. Like when you get a rescue animal. It has to be a considered and ratified move. I know it won’t happen…