Would you find this weird or am I being selfish?

[Onebabygirl]

If you had an ex-boyfriend who you still thought fondly of, keep in touch with occasionally - (milestone birthdays, birth of respective children, death of parents etc) as he’s still friends with my brothers so I know some of what is going on in his life - no romantic feelings left on either side, but together on and off for over 12 years from ages 18-30 (now both in our 40’s so not been together for more than 10 years) lots of shared history but just naturally grew apart, how would you feel if you found out there was a chance he and your sister have been dating? Nothing confirmed as yet as part of me doesn’t want to ask because I don’t want to know, and maybe, because he was part of the family for so long they’re just hanging out as friends/a brotherly relationship.

YABU - they’re both single, you’re no longer together, why shouldn’t they be together and have a chance of happiness?

YANBU - that’s a bit icky, there’s plenty of other people out there to date.

Anyway, you are being really weird about this and I hope you can get to the root of why you are being weird about it.

One last thing to consider, have you told your husband how weird it makes you feel? If not, why not? If so, what did he say?

I've got to go, won't see any more responses, ciao. (really do have to go now, ciao)

Thing is sometimes a person ends up dating an ex’s friend or a colleague at work etc. Situations where your most intimate moments could be revealed to someone who already knows you. Not every ex’s new partner is a stranger.

She does not have children with him. She just still fancies him, or something else is going on.

Yes, I could see that might make her uncomfortable. She should just own that if that's the case, otherwise she's being weird and controlling.

What a balanced and well thought out response. Thank you for convincing me to change my mind. Lol.

It was a very daft and super dramatic post that meant nothing.

Sorry for being honest. Now I really do have to go.

If you were holding a torch for him or if you had recently broken up then I would find it weird. But, you are married, you have no feelings for him and its been 10 years.

You stayed friends with him and your brothers and him are friends so he must be a decent guy. I think you should just leave them too it and at least you are prepared once they 'come out' and you can be congratulatory and it won't knock you off your feet.

Your opinion has been noted 👍

I don’t think it’s selfish but it does just feel a bit….weird.

I wouldn’t say anything I don’t think but I would find it weird.

I'd certainly find it odd and uncomfortable. I'd accept that they were absolutely entitled to date and I wouldn't try to stop them. I'd accept that I had to live with it and I wouldn't make things difficult for them.

But I'd certainly find it strange and awkward and I wouldn't enjoy the dynamic.

I knew two sisters who had a bit of a habit of doing this with each other’s exes. Super icky. However if this is a one off, and she’s serious about him, I would try to be happy for them. Tricky though!

She has children with him? I missed that bit.

I think if I truly didn’t have any feelings for him, things ended amicably, 10 years had passed and I was happily married this wouldn’t really bother me personally.

I can see where if it had been 6 months on from break up, he’d cheated etc I’d feel differently, but in the situation you describe I wouldn’t be too bothered.

Not weird no.

I'm a very mature and forgiving person, but I'd hate that and would avoid the pair. It feels icky.

But the point of " moving on " is moving on , having your sister date your ex fiance is not a nice thing and I feel sorry for OP. If they got married and had kids she'd be aunt to the kids. Constant involvement.

She has kids with this guy ????? Oh my goodness, this is worse than I thought! "Oh daddy is dating my aunty" what ???? NO!

We don’t have children together. I am now married with children and he has a child with his ex.

I'm wondering if it's because you are good friends now it will alter your friendship with him and your sister. It will be weird

If you were from the US Bible Belt, where such a relationship would often be considered incestuous, I could understand the objections.

But if you’ve been exes for so long, even if you’ve stayed in touch - and you yourself are happily married, I really can’t understand the problem.

It does feel slightly incestuous (I know that it isn't really). It would make me wonder whether they had feelings for each other when we were together. I wouldn't like it but I would feel that I was being unreasonable.

I'd say that's a line neither of them should cross. But not a lot can be done to stop it if its something more between them. Very awkward though.

Sorry, this is just weird and disgusting. I don't care if its been 5 months, 5 years or 5 decades. There are 8 Billion people on this planet. There's nobody else other than the man that I've slept with?

I agree with this. If your romantic feelings for him are gone why do you give a toss what he does?

The main reason I wouldn't want to see certain exes with my sister is because they are bullies that would make her life a misery. A nice guy that would make her happy no problem.

I suppose if i think about my older son’s steady girlfriend breaking up with him and ten years later she’s dating his younger brother that would be weird. I mean it is a weird situation even though I’m a strong believer in people not owning people. It’s a hard one OP but you don’t know for a fact if they are actually dating.