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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think we are becoming a country of hypochondriacs?

485 replies

YellowTulips25 · 29/01/2025 08:51

Firstly, let me preface this by saying that I entirely sympathise with people who have to live with serious long-term medical conditions. I don't wish to downplay illness or disabilities - visible or hidden - at all.

However, does anyone else feel like we're rapidly becoming a country of hypochondriacs, where an increasing number of people let seemingly minor health issues dominate their life?

For example, an article on the BBC this week features a woman who talks about having 'chronic pain, migraines and travel sickness' as reasons why it's impossible for her to work in an office. https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/articles/cp9x0819417o

I think most of us suffer from aches and pains and headaches from time to time? What'd happen if we all started using this excuse?

And I know plenty of friends who always seem to have some ailment or other troubling them, whether it's being in pain, being tired, having a cough or cold, etc etc. It seems almost as if constantly being ill is part of their personality, a badge of honour?

I know I'll probably get flamed for this, but surely I can't be the only one to feel like rolling my eyes at some people's lack of resilience?

A woman with grey hair is stood centre frame. She has a solemn impression on her face and is wearing a grey turtle neck and light blue coat. She is stood in the woods.

Working from home criticism sparks anger: 'We are not lazy'

Hundreds of BBC readers disagreed with former Asda boss Lord Rose's view that working from home is "not proper work".

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/articles/cp9x0819417o

OP posts:
Thread gallery
6
Bumpitybumper · 29/01/2025 16:50

Mikiamo · 29/01/2025 16:37

The suggestion that most people are disabled due to diet, lack of exercise and not going outside is disgusting.

If I wasn't disabled, I'd have a better diet because I would be able to eat the things my bowel condition won't accept, and I'd be physically able to prepare my own nutritious food.

My lack of exercise is due to my disabilities. I was fit and healthy and exercised daily before I became disabled. My GP and consultants have advised me not to exercise because it makes me very ill.

I can't go outside because if I move, I pass out. I cannot be away from a toilet for more than a couple of minutes. I can't walk, nor self propel my wheelchair. Do you honestly think I want to be trapped in four walls?

Mumsnet gets worse by the day.

https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC3266548/
https://bmcmedicine.biomedcentral.com/articles/10.1186/s12916-015-0287-6
https://www.thelancet.com/journals/lanpub/article/PIIS2468-2667(18)30201-9/fulltext

I could go on, but please don't suggest that lifestyle factors aren't hugely important when it comes to the development of illness and disabilities. It might not have been a factor for you but it is completely relevant to the discussion and isn't in anyway a sign that Mumsnet is getting 'worse' somehow. We can't shut down discussion just because you don't like it.

Lifestyle Risk Factors Predict Disability and Death in Healthy Aging Adults - PMC

Associations between modifiable health risk factors during middle age with disability and mortality in later life are critical to maximizing longevity while preserving function. Positive health effects of maintaining normal weight, routine exercise, .....

https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC3266548

Seagullsandsausagerolls · 29/01/2025 16:56

@Differentstarts we just didn't even try. I've been getting it completely wrong since fertilisation 😂 imagine losing part of a gene. How careless!

soupyspoon · 29/01/2025 16:58

faithbuffy · 29/01/2025 16:26

@soupyspoon the issue is when people mistake that all health issues are improved by diet/exercise or that they can offer some advice you would never(!) have thought of

I've had
"What about some vitamins"
"Have you tried paleo"
"I get heat rash too"
Everyone gets period pain"
"You're always ill" (funny that, my immune system is non existent so yes I tend to not be well)

Mine are mostly autoimmune conditions so just bad luck, I started with the first one age 11 and just collected them as I got older

Yes same here, but the OP asks a question about whether there are many people with conditions which are being used as 'part of their personality' or not being resilient with them

The answer is yes, that is happening to some people, it is being used to some peoples 'identity' if you like

I answered a post citing health care being difficult to access agreeing with that, Im on various waiting lists for non lifestyle issue matters, will I ever get to access health care for them, who knows at this rate

But the outrage and denial that as a country we have worse health in part due to our lifestyle is better directed at actually understanding the holistic nature of our food, eating patterns, sleep patterns, exercise and movement etc.

ForeverDelayedEpiphany · 29/01/2025 17:30

I used to be pretty hypochondriac-like, always fussing about seemingly minor ailments and things that weren't really serious, but I thought they were.

I now look back and wish I had no actual health problems, and I wish that if only I'd appreciated my good health more.

A decade ago, I had a head injury and post concussion syndrome before being injured by off label antipsychotic prescribed for severe insomnia and anxiety, and it gave me a permanent neurological involuntary movement disorder called tardive dyskinesia (that is a bit like Tourette's and Parkinson's disease combined, and causes partsofmy body to move on its own in bizarre ways, including my mouth, tongue, fingers etc) . Combine this with my perimenopause symptoms, life feels hard at times.

It's true what they say, you don't know what you've got until it's gone... I'd give anything to feel pain free and get better.

Waitingfordoggo · 29/01/2025 17:31

MotherOfCats25 · 29/01/2025 08:54

I actually have Ehlers Danlos Syndrome (my joints dislocate randomly and I'm hypermobile) along with a few other problems due to it, and I agree with you.

It's because people eat shit, drink shit, don't sleep well and then wonder why they feel shit and rather than address the problem head on look for something else to blame rather than fix their diet.
Obviously not everyone is like this, but the majority yes.

Agree with this, and would add that a majority of people get nowhere near enough physical exercise. Plus, drinking too much alcohol is still normalised in this country. I'm afraid I don't have much patience for people who take no responsibility for their health.

To add: one of my dearest friends is someone who cannot work at all due to a serious and long-term 'invisible' health condition- I am always happy to lend an ear for her to have a moan about her issues (which she actually very rarely does), and I have plenty of sympathy for people with health issues.

But those who eat crap, don't exercise and drink too much....I'm a lot less interested in hearing about their aches and pains.

ForeverDelayedEpiphany · 29/01/2025 17:34

Funnily enough, the doctors never took my genuine serious health conditions seriously like my iatrogenic neurological disorder, as they all gaslighted me and don't want to admit that these drugs cause brain injury and harm. Ironic, really 😳

To answer the OP, I think some people have less "resilience" than others, but everyone comes in their own way with things differently. I've met some people who have chronic pain and health issues and never complain, and then others who moan about every minor sniffle.

There are definitely people who are extremely stoical with high pain thresholds.

ForeverDelayedEpiphany · 29/01/2025 17:40

Adelstrop · 29/01/2025 11:24

George Bernard Shaw once said that he never read a medical dictionary in case he died of a misprint. Wise words.

My dad told me not to become a doctor as I'd always be self diagnosed with something different on a daily basis! (He was probably right! Luckily I wasn't great at science lol)

ForeverDelayedEpiphany · 29/01/2025 17:44

Pancakeparlour · 29/01/2025 10:33

Is it any wonder when our national health service is so incompetent?

My mil was told she had IBS (for a full year) when in fact she had a small bowel tumour which killed her.

My 4 year old niece had a brain tumour, that was an ear infection according to her GP.

My own 30 year experience with dreadful gynae issues was 'just one of those things some women experience' according to my gynae of 13 years. Well those issues have actually turned out to be deep endometriosis.

We hear these stories all the time. It's no wonder people are worried about their health woes especially when they become long standing and no medical professionals will take them seriously.

I saw 5 neurologists before one diagnosed me with my movement disorder that was caused by being injured from taking an antipsychotic. My expectations and faith in doctors has dramatically decreased since then...

ForeverDelayedEpiphany · 29/01/2025 17:49

Bumpitybumper · 29/01/2025 10:06

I think the rise of the internet and social media has led people to believe that anything other than a human having perfect physical and mental health is somehow seriously wrong and somehow exempts them from the duties and responsibilities of life. Most people will develop physical conditions, especially as they age and if they don't look after themselves. People need to realise that this doesn't make you the exception and you have to take responsibility for managing these conditions as best you can as the state and society simply can't shoulder the burden when the majority of the citizens are grappling with such issues.

The same goes for mental health conditions. I believe that idea that most people are Neurotypical and don't struggle at all with their mental health is a fallacy. The science around Neurodiversity isn't as robust as most people assume and the definition of Neurodiversity has now been pulled so wide that scientists and doctors are admitting that there is now a huge overlap between the ND and NT community. Lots of people will struggle with mental health conditions and traits of ASD/ADHD/depression/anxiety etc to the point it has a significant impact on their lives. I would argue that most people will have periods of time where this is the case. We have to accept this is in most cases by definition a normal part of the human condition in the modern world.

Absolutely 💯 this. Excellent reply 👏

Hazelville · 29/01/2025 18:00

fiftiesmum · 29/01/2025 12:39

You will not have seen it - they just make the announcement " we are being held at this platform as we have a customer alarm on this train/train in front" I have seen it a couple of times over the same 50 years but heard the message at least weekly up until 2020. Twice in one journey even.

You’ve taken a very literally reading of ‘seen it’. I’ve never heard it either.

MistressoftheDarkSide · 29/01/2025 18:14

Reading some of the lived experiences of people on this thread really brings home that kidding oneself that there are simple solutions to such complex problems is an issue in itself.

Lifestyle factors are but a small part of the issues described and it's shocking that some conditions and illnesses are compounded by medical treatment if it can be accessed at all. Cover up and denial are real in those situations and the knock on effect of institutional gas-lighting is pretty traumatic.

People may try and claim it's rare, but just from here, and my own multiple experiences including delayed cancer diagnosis in my own family can be extrapolated statistically across the population to show it's a significant number.

No doubt there will be those who wish to excuse or deny or throw "resource issues" around but it's really not good enough.

If you want fewer sick people, diagnose and treat them. If you want people with disabilities to fully engage with society, support them. If you want people to value themselves enough to participate proactively in their own care, don't treat them like naughty children or belittle them. In short, don't start a battle by assuming people are thick, lazy, self indulgent or whatever. That would be a bloody good start, no?

TroysMammy · 29/01/2025 20:07

Differentstarts · 29/01/2025 12:22

I have health anxiety diagnosed by a psychiatrist years of therapy . So i don't understand why you think people with health anxiety don't go to the drs that's like saying people with social anxiety or gad don't go to the drs

But you have and got a diagnosis. There are plenty on Mumsnet who say they have but it's something that is bandied about, a bit like those who say they have a little bit of OCD because the tins in a cupboard are higgledy-piggledy.

Anothernamechane · 29/01/2025 20:18

I’ve often seen the “it’s not anxiety if you don’t have a diagnosis, it’s just normal feelings of anxiousness” and I wonder if these people have ever actually tried to access any fucking mental health service on the NHS. Your GP will not diagnose you with an anxiety disorder. Even if you’re having debilitating panic attacks. They will give you setraline or beta blockers or maybe both. If you harass the life out of them they might refer you for talking therapy. Then you might wait a year to see someone. Who also won’t diagnose you with anything. So where are these magical diagnoses coming from that allow people to have their mental health condition taken seriously by the arseholes of Mumsnet?

My mum, who took her own life due to her anxiety didn’t have a diagnosis. Was she ill? Or a snowflake who couldn’t cope with normal feelings.

Angrymum22 · 29/01/2025 20:21

I have a number of chronic health conditions and had breast cancer 3 years ago.
A week after surgery and once I had had the drain removed I was stood on a touch line watching DS play rugby.

I had a hemithyroidectomy and my consultant laughed when I asked how long before I could return to work. He said that usually people asked how long they should take off work.
I had a number of miscarriages and was back at work after a couple of days, only because I’d had a D&C and couldn’t work for 48hrs.
My breast cancer surgeon talked me into taking time off, not for the physical recovery but because my job is stressful and she said I needed a phycological rather than a physical break.

If people ask me how I am, I’m always “fine”. My nurse always has a giggle when we see a patient who has a list of wishy washy ailments that are self diagnosed. I think she would love to tell them to man up. I prefer not to use my health as an excuse, but just occasionally I get pissed off when I receive a sarcastic comment about working part time and politely apologise explaining why I struggle to work full time nowadays. I don’t look ill or moan about, well maybe to DH occasionally.

However, I have a lot more empathy for people who have endured cancer treatment. Most of the long term side effects are hidden. Most people are grateful to be here and don’t tend to moan about the chronic joint pain while on adjunctive drugs, or the fatigue that seems to knock you sideways after radiotherapy.

I asked a local GP, during the pandemic and the rise in long covid, if she was able to predict which patients would present with it. She rolled her eyes and said yes. They are the same ones that have every side effect on the leaflet that comes with their meds, the worried well who spend half their lives in waiting rooms.

I had one patient, I’m a dentist, who had an A4 folder crammed with her own notes, studies and papers she’d downloaded from the internet and countless letters from the consultants and dentists she had seen.

I came across an article about a niche area of body dysmorphia and realised that she fitted the description like a glove. Unfortunately, treatment has nothing to do with dentistry and because it is a rare psychiatric problem, very difficult to treat. Convincing a patient that she has a specific and severe form of health anxiety is difficult. And with the added risk that there might actually be an organic cause hidden amongst the red herrings, you cannot dismiss their concerns and once you have exhausted the diagnostic tests and procedures there is only one resort, call it fibromyalgia and they move on to the next clinician. I suspect she is still hawking her growing file to dentist/doctors in the hope that there is a magic cure.

Fibromyalgia is an odd condition. It’s widely diagnosed but there are no definitive tests. It’s the conclusion of exhaustive exclusion of every other disease. I have seen a considerable number of patients with a diagnosis but they are all women. Predominantly peri or menopausal, which leads me to think that it has some link with hormone levels and dietary deficiency.

When I hit peri menopause I suffered from muscle and joint pain, tried HRT but nothing worked apart from exercise. I take Anastrazole, a hormone blocker, the muscle and joint pain can be awful but I have a cause. I have found magnesium and vit B12 & D a game changer. I think if I’d gone to my GP I would have been told that it’s fibromyalgia, which it is, but to me it’s a symptom not a whole illness.

Again it boils down to a healthy diet and supplements. Maybe the menopause alters our biochemistry so we develop deficiencies more readily. Whatever it is you can improve many problems with exercise and diet. I force myself to walk the dog daily however much it hurts because I know that I’ll feel the benefit. It is all too easy to give in to lethargy and just rest. I hate that my body can no longer do what I want to but I refuse to just give up and use my medical conditions as a get out. My DH despairs at times when he finds me up a step ladder or loading up the car with rubbish for the tip.

Obviously there are genuine debilitating illnesses where exercise isn’t a solution but not many where your GP will prescribe sitting in a chair or bed 24/7.

Slouchypants · 29/01/2025 20:28

Angrymum22 · 29/01/2025 20:21

I have a number of chronic health conditions and had breast cancer 3 years ago.
A week after surgery and once I had had the drain removed I was stood on a touch line watching DS play rugby.

I had a hemithyroidectomy and my consultant laughed when I asked how long before I could return to work. He said that usually people asked how long they should take off work.
I had a number of miscarriages and was back at work after a couple of days, only because I’d had a D&C and couldn’t work for 48hrs.
My breast cancer surgeon talked me into taking time off, not for the physical recovery but because my job is stressful and she said I needed a phycological rather than a physical break.

If people ask me how I am, I’m always “fine”. My nurse always has a giggle when we see a patient who has a list of wishy washy ailments that are self diagnosed. I think she would love to tell them to man up. I prefer not to use my health as an excuse, but just occasionally I get pissed off when I receive a sarcastic comment about working part time and politely apologise explaining why I struggle to work full time nowadays. I don’t look ill or moan about, well maybe to DH occasionally.

However, I have a lot more empathy for people who have endured cancer treatment. Most of the long term side effects are hidden. Most people are grateful to be here and don’t tend to moan about the chronic joint pain while on adjunctive drugs, or the fatigue that seems to knock you sideways after radiotherapy.

I asked a local GP, during the pandemic and the rise in long covid, if she was able to predict which patients would present with it. She rolled her eyes and said yes. They are the same ones that have every side effect on the leaflet that comes with their meds, the worried well who spend half their lives in waiting rooms.

I had one patient, I’m a dentist, who had an A4 folder crammed with her own notes, studies and papers she’d downloaded from the internet and countless letters from the consultants and dentists she had seen.

I came across an article about a niche area of body dysmorphia and realised that she fitted the description like a glove. Unfortunately, treatment has nothing to do with dentistry and because it is a rare psychiatric problem, very difficult to treat. Convincing a patient that she has a specific and severe form of health anxiety is difficult. And with the added risk that there might actually be an organic cause hidden amongst the red herrings, you cannot dismiss their concerns and once you have exhausted the diagnostic tests and procedures there is only one resort, call it fibromyalgia and they move on to the next clinician. I suspect she is still hawking her growing file to dentist/doctors in the hope that there is a magic cure.

Fibromyalgia is an odd condition. It’s widely diagnosed but there are no definitive tests. It’s the conclusion of exhaustive exclusion of every other disease. I have seen a considerable number of patients with a diagnosis but they are all women. Predominantly peri or menopausal, which leads me to think that it has some link with hormone levels and dietary deficiency.

When I hit peri menopause I suffered from muscle and joint pain, tried HRT but nothing worked apart from exercise. I take Anastrazole, a hormone blocker, the muscle and joint pain can be awful but I have a cause. I have found magnesium and vit B12 & D a game changer. I think if I’d gone to my GP I would have been told that it’s fibromyalgia, which it is, but to me it’s a symptom not a whole illness.

Again it boils down to a healthy diet and supplements. Maybe the menopause alters our biochemistry so we develop deficiencies more readily. Whatever it is you can improve many problems with exercise and diet. I force myself to walk the dog daily however much it hurts because I know that I’ll feel the benefit. It is all too easy to give in to lethargy and just rest. I hate that my body can no longer do what I want to but I refuse to just give up and use my medical conditions as a get out. My DH despairs at times when he finds me up a step ladder or loading up the car with rubbish for the tip.

Obviously there are genuine debilitating illnesses where exercise isn’t a solution but not many where your GP will prescribe sitting in a chair or bed 24/7.

For someone with such a list of ailments you're incredibly sanctimonious, judgemental and keen to encourage other HCPs to join forces with you. I feel for any of your patients.

YouOKHun · 29/01/2025 20:40

@TroysMammy There are also people with debilitating problems such as OCD and health anxiety that do not have a diagnosis from a psychiatrist and rely upon treatment in primary care (which can be very good). There can be a lot of shame attached and so people often play down or conceal their struggles, so it can be very hard to distinguish between the ones who say “I have OCD” whilst quietly having huge struggles day to day without a diagnosis and those who say “I have OCD” because they like a tidy desk. Not having a diagnosis from a psychiatrist doesn’t mean someone hasn’t got a debilitating psychological problem.

JustLikeThatBluebird · 29/01/2025 20:45

User757373 · 29/01/2025 10:42

I strongly believe that a huge proportion of the chronically ill community are undiagnosed neurodivergent adults who have a hyperfixation on bodily symptoms. They most likely have sensory or MH issues which distort or magnify symptoms and possible autoimmune disorders that are comorbid with ND.

Virtually all the people who make a big deal over having conditions like long-covid, ME, POTS, fibromyalgia & co have extremely similar mannerisms and appearances. Just like the woman from the article. It's too much of a coincidence that all these conditions randomly strike a small subset of people who look and talk the same way. It's more likely they have personality traits that make them more susceptible to chronic health issues, hypochondria or psychosomatic symptoms.

There's a very strong association between autism and hypermobility (which is a major cause of POTS, Fibromyalgia and CFS/ME) so it's not a coincidence at all that this small subset of people have the same conditions. There's a very real biological underpinning to these conditions that connects them. I'm not saying that those conditions (including autism) don't suffer from self-diagnosis, they do, and as someone who has formal diagnoses for autism, hEDS and POTS I find it very frustrating at times, but it's a real pattern you're seeing in this subset of people, not hypochondria or psychosomatic symptoms.

This is well-known in the medical community, at least amongst the relevant specialists, but it's not well understood why connective tissue disorders are linked with neurodivergence.

2Rebecca · 29/01/2025 20:45

Everyone and their dog wants referrals for ADHD and ASD. They don't care which one they have and don't tend to know the difference. It's mad. People wouldn't want referrals to try and get a diagnosis of angina and/ or dementia and be keen to have a diagnosis and be disappointed if told they don't meet the criteria.

YouOKHun · 29/01/2025 20:47

2Rebecca evidence?

MistressoftheDarkSide · 29/01/2025 20:58

JustLikeThatBluebird · 29/01/2025 20:45

There's a very strong association between autism and hypermobility (which is a major cause of POTS, Fibromyalgia and CFS/ME) so it's not a coincidence at all that this small subset of people have the same conditions. There's a very real biological underpinning to these conditions that connects them. I'm not saying that those conditions (including autism) don't suffer from self-diagnosis, they do, and as someone who has formal diagnoses for autism, hEDS and POTS I find it very frustrating at times, but it's a real pattern you're seeing in this subset of people, not hypochondria or psychosomatic symptoms.

This is well-known in the medical community, at least amongst the relevant specialists, but it's not well understood why connective tissue disorders are linked with neurodivergence.

I'm really interested in this. For personal reasons I won't go into, I had to gen up on collagen disorders a bit some years ago. I also know several people with properly diagnosed EDS / hypermobility and neurodivergence etc. I have selective hypermobility TMJD and Sacroiliac Joint dysfunction. The latter is apparently related to pregnancy hormones and ligaments. Neither of my conditions are any more than sporadically inconvenient so far, for which I'm immensely grateful, and recently two professionals I've dealt with have questioned if I have ADHD so..... I'm kind of wondering if there is something biochemical / hormonal / etc at play.

Research onto Osteogenesis Imperfecta and EDS shows multiple sub-types, but collagen is involved in both. I'm really interested as to whether alot of research should be done into collagen and it's function in the body which is essentially to hold everything together and keep us flexible.

Sorry, basically thinking out loud here - shall probably take myself off to Google and look up things like environmental impacts on collagen..... like radiation.....

user1471516498 · 29/01/2025 21:10

OP would have been so proud of me last year. I had cystitis, but wouldn"t have dreamed of going to the doctors with something so minor, so I dosed up on home remedies. Then I started getting a temperature but I didn't take time off work, 'just dosed up on paracetamol. When I started getting back pain for no reason I assumed it was psychological, and anyway back pain equals skiver doesn't it? Two days later I was in the High Dependency Unit in hospital with sepsis from a kidney infection.
Now I have post sepsis syndrome, but I am also autistic so I am probably hyperfixating and just need to get a grip, according to people on here.

KangaRoo00 · 29/01/2025 22:12

Totally agree with you OP, it's almost like everyone is in competition with each other to be 'more unwell' if I've got a cold, someone else will have it 10 times worse.
The amount of people off on long term sick is also ridiculous, the government have made it too easy to be off 'on the sick'.

KangaRoo00 · 29/01/2025 22:15

@2Rebecca Who needs a referral for an official diagnosis these days? Everyone seems to self diagnose through the help of Dr Google. Every second person I know 'has ADHD' & parents everywhere are pushing to get their children diagnosed with something or another. What's happening to us..

Phineyj · 29/01/2025 22:33

How tiresome.

Yes, parents adore having their children diagnosed.

It's really easy to get a diagnosis.

And cheap.

And quick.

And there's so much support.

Not!!!

If you actually looked up the stats you'd find UK diagnosis rates are a) much lower than the media frothing suggests and b) not dissimilar to other developed nations.

It is also not unusual for ASD and ADHD to co-occur.

user1471516498 · 29/01/2025 23:05

Once people find out that you have a chronic condition, everything you say and do is judged in that context. It isn't enough to not talk about your condition. If you show any sign of discomfort or any negative emotion about anything, then people think you lack resilience and your condition is probably in your head anyway.

Don't get me wrong, I would never discuss my chronic health conditions with anybody other than very occasionally with DH. I once did a course for people with chronic conditions.The upshot of it was that if your condition isn't going away, one of the most important things was making your condition as easy as possible for other people to live with.
So don't talk about your condition, work at making sure that discomfort isn't obvious from your body language, and always appear cheerful however you are feeling. That way, you might still have the illness but you may still have friends. It is fucking lonely though.