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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Blended family and wills

112 replies

Notsurewhatimdoing100 · 28/01/2025 11:31

So I married my husband a year ago, we have a 18 month old and my husband has two children. The eldest is turning 18 and lives with her mum full time. The second is 8 and lives with his mum (different mums) half the time and half with us.
my husband and I have been discussing wills, he owns a good business.
we have agreed that both his children also have their mums’ to inherit from when they die so therefore our current family home will be left to me which will then pass to our son and no other child.
my issue is that if something was to happen to my husband in the next few years, our son won’t have received the same level of support from him due to his age. My husband is proposing splitting his entire estate equally between the children and me, each getting 25%, initially I thought that was ok but on reflection I think our son should get a larger percentage. I know he will receive whatever he gets from me at some point but his other kids will also get that from their mums.
as a side note, my will states that anything I have goes to my husband then to our son and no-one else.
Am I being unreasonable?

OP posts:
BeachRide · 28/01/2025 16:25

Mopsandcustard · 28/01/2025 16:17

Wills can be changed at any time.
You could leave your assets to your dh, stipulating that he then leaves everything to your son. He can leave his inheritance to whoever he likes, regardess of what you say. He could get married again and leave everything to second wife. Or he could make a will leaving everything to your son, then get married again and his will is autimatically invalid.
Don't make a will without getting proper legal advice. If you want your child to inherit, leave it to them directly, put it into trust.
There are endless pitfalls and complications so proper advice is essential.

Fourth

DonnyBurrito · 28/01/2025 18:14

loopyluloopy · 28/01/2025 15:20

@DonnyBurrito

Why should OP's son inherit more? What did she bring financially to the table? If the house was bought before she was with her husband, I personally believe she should live there until she passes, but inherit nothing - it should be split between the children.

It's women like OP, that I am making sure my % of assets are left to my children and no other women will benefit from it should my husband ever remarry. Her child does not deserve more. They should inherit an equal split from their dad and whatever she chooses to leave her child, that's up to her,

Why should children that OP has had barely any hand in raising, that have their own mother to inherit from, have 50% of OPs share of the estate too? She only has one child. All of her half of the estate should go to him.

This is because they are married. That means that all assets are shared equally between the two partners, whether one party brought more to the marriage financially than the other doesn't make a difference to that. That's just marriage!? OP didn't make the rules 😂

When OPs husband divorced all his other wives (lol) he will have halved his assets with them when they split up, and then (I assume) paid child support. His ex wives might have done very well out of marrying and then divorcing him themselves, who knows!?

We do know he has gone on to have an additional child with OP. None of his children are more special than the others, and he should split his half of the marriage assets between his boys equally.

OP is not the biological mother of those children, she has likely had very little to do with their upbringing, and I highly doubt her parents (OPs sons biological grandparents, if they're still alive) would be happy if 50% their inheritance to her was automatically given to older children from OPs husbands other marriages... That's a bonkers suggestion, but essentially what you are saying she should do.

anon4net · 28/01/2025 19:03

If your relationship with your husband broke down (he's had 3 kids with 3 women which is a reminder relationships can always end...) would you want your dc cut out? After all, maybe if he married again then the next child's mother thinks their baby together should inherit more?

If that is a no for you, then don't do that to his other children.

I think 25% each to the dc and you is fair and reasonable. It is not right/ethical his other children are cut out now or in the future. They may inherit from their mothers too, but won't your dc also inherit from you?

Winterskyfall · 28/01/2025 19:27

Your husband sounds like a prick. All children should inherit an equal amount from him.

Winterskyfall · 28/01/2025 19:30

You don't sound particularly nice either. It's all about you and your kid. If your husband leaves you and starts family number 3 perhaps you would have a different view on how your his other children should be treated.

namechangeGOT · 28/01/2025 19:41

Winterskyfall · 28/01/2025 19:30

You don't sound particularly nice either. It's all about you and your kid. If your husband leaves you and starts family number 3 perhaps you would have a different view on how your his other children should be treated.

Family number 4....

Winterskyfall · 28/01/2025 19:46

namechangeGOT · 28/01/2025 19:41

Family number 4....

Show quote history

Oh wow. I didn't read that properly. Well if he's already on family 3 I would be worrying more about the divorce than the wills.

Elsvieta · 28/01/2025 21:38

"They'll inherit from their mums"?!

And your child will inherit from his mum, right?

All three kids need to inherit from their father too - equally. Yes, YABU.

heroinechic · 28/01/2025 21:49

How is it a fair and equal split between his children if only his biological child with you benefits from his portion of the home?

His proposal of splitting things 25% equally, is that including his share of the house or excluding it?

All three of his children will inherit from their mothers, and all three should inherit equally from him.

Oriunda · 29/01/2025 10:44

EerieSalamander · 28/01/2025 15:38

We are blended, everything goes to each other then divided equally between all the kids regardless. We can't predict what might happen, for all we know their other parents might leave them nothing in the end, it might all go on care homes etc, so we don't see the point in doing anything else. They all know it will be an equal split.

Again, naive. Unless you've got it written in trust for your children, there is nothing to stop your DH remarrying and changing his will. Once your assets have been willed to him, they become his.

The only way to protect your children is to leave the money directly to them.

Mopsandcustard · 29/01/2025 12:11

EerieSalamander · 28/01/2025 15:38

We are blended, everything goes to each other then divided equally between all the kids regardless. We can't predict what might happen, for all we know their other parents might leave them nothing in the end, it might all go on care homes etc, so we don't see the point in doing anything else. They all know it will be an equal split.

Did you get any legal advice at all before doing this?
The number of widowers who marry again and don't make a new will is huge. Then they die and new wife gets the lot. Children get nothing.

EerieSalamander · 29/01/2025 12:44

Nothing to stop me doing the same thing too which is much more likely to be honest since DH has bought mine up from babies while I haven't with his. Anyway it will be DHs money if he does first so he can do what he wants. He might choose to spend it all and why shouldn't he kids don't have an automatic right to get money from their parents.

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