Blended family and wills

[Notsurewhatimdoing100]

So I married my husband a year ago, we have a 18 month old and my husband has two children. The eldest is turning 18 and lives with her mum full time. The second is 8 and lives with his mum (different mums) half the time and half with us.
my husband and I have been discussing wills, he owns a good business.
we have agreed that both his children also have their mums’ to inherit from when they die so therefore our current family home will be left to me which will then pass to our son and no other child.
my issue is that if something was to happen to my husband in the next few years, our son won’t have received the same level of support from him due to his age. My husband is proposing splitting his entire estate equally between the children and me, each getting 25%, initially I thought that was ok but on reflection I think our son should get a larger percentage. I know he will receive whatever he gets from me at some point but his other kids will also get that from their mums.
as a side note, my will states that anything I have goes to my husband then to our son and no-one else.
Am I being unreasonable?

Including your own child too then 🙄

I always wonder why on earth women choose to have children with a man who has failed at that not once, but twice already.

Obviously that's not the point of the thread, so in my opinion he should split his estate 3 ways between his children.

If you die first I would definitely leave your share of everything to your son, on the premise that your DH can live in the house until he dies or sells at which point your 50% will go to your son. Otherwise the likelihood will be that on his death everything will be split 4 ways, including your share. A good finance person should be able to draw this up for you.

You neither know how much it will be worth in the future which is why a percentage split is fair

Your child does not deserve more and neither do you

Fund yourself - you clearly are not solvent or you would not be bothered

So your argument is that in the future the lesser percentage he's leaving his other 2 kids will increase? But at the same time you think he should leave both you and your DS a higher % Incase he dies soon and you both miss out on more money?

Sounds fair! 🤣

Your child already gets more because he gets the house. Whatever is left should be split equally between his children. If for any reason you split up with him and his new partner wants the house for the child he has with her, where would that leave you and your child?

Is he paying child support for his other child under age as that will be relevant to his Will (and preventing it being contested by that child).

If I were him, I would put his half of the house and everything else he owns into a trust. You to have an interest for life. Once you die the whole lot gets split equally between all his kids.

You leave everything you own to your own child.

He should have life insurance to support his minor children.

Ultimately, this is the litmus test. If you can honestly sit with what's being proposed and think 'I would be happy for this for my children if DH and I divorced and he went on to have a fourth family' then crack on.

Deprioritising children because they'll also inherit from a mother is inherently unfair imo. I mean, your kids will inherit from you, so why should they get more from DH than his other kids?

As I side note OP, I’m pretty sure, if your will states your assets go to husband then then son, if you die first, you do know you have no control over what your husband does. He could leave your assets to all three kids. Have you explored this with a solicitor?

You need a Life Interest Trust will, where you specify that your son gets everything from you - including everything that you are passed from your own familial connections (such as your parents). Also specify that your husband passes all assets to you upon his death, but that your step children then each receive 25% of what's left when you pop off too.

This ensures that:

1. If your husband dies before your son comes of age, then your son continues to benefit from the life you built together regardless and you won't be seen out into the street - I assume this to be something you need to think about because it seems there may be a considerable age gap between you and your husband, given the ages of all children involved.
2. Your step children have to wait but it should benefit them financially to do so, assuming assets continue to thrive.
3. You can't make off with all the money.

We have this in place, but my SC receive equal portions of all money left when I go: I've known them since they were dots; I've helped to raise them; they're my family regardless of lineage.

So, we have a Life Interest Trust will that behaves a lot like a mirror will but with added protections for everyone.

One more thing to consider - One day you'll be dead and any illusions you have about counting out buttons for your boy will be dead with you. Meanwhile, he'll have a very lonely life without a relationship with his siblings, if you leave behind a shit storm for him to deal with. Siblings are your best link to your past and the people most likely to stick with you in the future. To quote that Baz Luhrmann hit or something.

I wouldn't always assume that if a man has children from an ex that he has failed. Women end marriages too and not always because the man is a failure.

The only right and fair way to do this is for him to split his estate equally between ALL his children.

Of course it's natural for you to feel biased towards your own child, but that child will be inheriting your estate in its entirety.

Thank you, this seems like a good option. Unfortunately the relationship with his siblings is already difficult due to my step son’s mother. My husband had to take legal action before I met him, four years later she still tries her best to disrupt life. The will is a very recent discussion.
his step sister doesn’t bother with us as she is a teenager and has her own life.

Thank you, I am being biased and I know that, mother bear mode

But your son will inherit from his mum. So each child of your husband should get an equal share

I wonder if he promised the house to each of his children's mothers in turn, and then moved on? That might explain her being 'difficult'.

You're right. But one should be a warning and you should be aware of it, two is becoming a pattern though...

Mother bear mode often kicks in when she has a sneaking suspicion father bear can't be relied upon.

I understand with your child only being tiny that it’s going to take a lot more money to raise him if your oh was to pass soon. A life insurance policy to cover this would probably be best. Is 25% going to be enough to keep you and possibly your child? Are you planning any more children?
He definitely shouldn’t leave his other child less than, but it should be the same disposable percentage when they are adults, and the money to raise them to that point should be treated differently .

That is sad he doesn't have a very good relationship with his siblings. We still saw my SC regulary even when they were teenagers.

I just wonder whether you're trying to achieve too much here. At the moment there's a big difference between your son and your DH's other children. In 10 - 15 years' time their needs will be much more similar and what's fair might look very different. You might be better served to make wills that reflect the situation now, and to revisit them regularly.

Would it be fairer, if the circumstance were that your husband dies before you, that you should have the right to reside in the house until your death and only then will the house be inherited split 3 ways equally between the children?

A decent solicitor could advise you properly.

I think there’s some complexities here you should consider regarding inheritance tax on property vs. assets.

Leaving the house all to your son could massively increase his tax free take home compared to your partners children.

Additionally if you’re worried about your son whilst he’s young just take out a separate life insurance in trust for that. Thats easily solved.

Or maybe just his new shiny fourth wife and child, as OP is proposing for herself

I'm a step-mum to two older children as well, with one shared child with husband.
My half of the assets go to our shared child, his half is split 3-ways. The house comes to me if he goes first, and my half of the property will go to our shared child, and DH's half again split 3 ways.

Life insurance is being split 3 ways between the children (i don't have any need for it), and that's about it i think
you are being massively unfair to think your child should have the house, plus a bigger %. As the house goes to you upon DH's death, really it should be half to your child and half split between SC, not all to your child.