Blended family and wills

[Notsurewhatimdoing100]

So I married my husband a year ago, we have a 18 month old and my husband has two children. The eldest is turning 18 and lives with her mum full time. The second is 8 and lives with his mum (different mums) half the time and half with us.
my husband and I have been discussing wills, he owns a good business.
we have agreed that both his children also have their mums’ to inherit from when they die so therefore our current family home will be left to me which will then pass to our son and no other child.
my issue is that if something was to happen to my husband in the next few years, our son won’t have received the same level of support from him due to his age. My husband is proposing splitting his entire estate equally between the children and me, each getting 25%, initially I thought that was ok but on reflection I think our son should get a larger percentage. I know he will receive whatever he gets from me at some point but his other kids will also get that from their mums.
as a side note, my will states that anything I have goes to my husband then to our son and no-one else.
Am I being unreasonable?

This

I find your decision to disinherit his other children from the family home shocking.

You cannot possibly rely on their mother. Anything could happen.

This.

The chances of you inheriting anything from him are slim, you'll likely divorce not be widowed.

Make your financial plans with that in mind.

You don't know if the other kids will inherit from their mothers.
You don't know if your husband will leave anything?
Care home fees ?
You can leave your share to your husband he can say he will leave it to your son then change his mind.
Either of you could have more children.
The current arrangement seems unfair to his first two children.
Your husband has three children.

I understand, I really do. I don't actually think your OP reads like you're trying to be mean or grabby - just that you're exhausted by the situation you live in and you want to make sure your own child is put first - rightly or wrongly, it isn't for me to say.

My situation isn't as complicated as yours, because there is just one ex and my husband and I have been together a very long time... but it has had it's fair share of discord and it can leave you feeling wild, unsure and determined to pull up the drawbridge.

If you haven't already done so, there is a book by Wednesday Martin called Stepmonster which delves into the feelings that surround sharing resources with your SC; who are essentially another woman's offspring, right there in your nest. It's really good and I would totally recommend it. (There is an audio version available on Spotify, but fair warning... you might find yourself shouting "I KNEW IT!" into thin air quite a lot!)

Of course, you asked about wills and I hope I'm not overstepping when I point out that it is clearly part of a wider issue that a book can help you address!

Regarding the money itself...

Give your son opportunities, teach him the value of hard work, make sure he has the tools to look after himself, and he won't "need" anything else from you. That is far more valuable than an extra 25% of anything. Give him the whole world and then let the inheritance be exactly what it is... "just money".

My immediately family have suffered through 2 x disputed wills after older relatives have died. The stress for those left behind far outweighs the value of the extra gold. So, do everyone a favour and get something fair and equitable hammered out in a lifetime interest trust will. They cost slightly more to create than a bog-standard joint or mirror will but the co-op are great and you can do it all from home over the phone / email. Once it's done, you won't really think of it again, but you will be grateful that you have something to protect you all.

By the sounds of things he will probably have had several other partners and children by then.
Possibly think about getting him to have a vasectomy first if you want your child to inherit.

Exactly this! Let’s hope OP doesn’t have to return to Mumsnet with a different problem in a few years…

Equally equally equally.

No ifs and buts, he’s got three children so should split it between them equally and not favour one over the others, regardless of what you say.

He should have insurance in the event of his death to support his younger children.

I also agree with the posts by

@Onedaynotyet
@Huskytrot

as your DH sounds like he’s got form for having kids with different women. You’ll be changing your tune in a few years if he moves on to the next and the new wife says @Notsurewhatimdoing100 child will be ok, she can will leave her estate to them so you should leave more to me and our child. You wouldn’t like that and rightly so.

When you refer to the 'normal' way of leaving assets you are really referring to the situation where there are not other dc scattered about from previous relationships.

Once you are in blended families the normal thing to do is quite different. And this is something anyone getting into a relationship with someone who already has children needs to understand.

You married someone with existing responsibilities and emotional connections to.

Your own will should leave everything to your son only. It's naive to think that anything you leave your DH to pass on to your son won't be split 3 ways amongst all his children, or potentially to any future wife and then away from his children altogether.

You want your child to benefit? You leave your money directly to them, with trustees if necessary.

I agree with @IndiraCharcoal although presumably your home is jointly owned so you'll need to have a life interest in his share so you wouldn't need to immediately sell it.

DH and I both have life insurance that would help the surviving spouse pay for our children's expenses, that's why we took it out.

It seems your dh moves on every 8 to 9 years and doesn't form positive relationships, after separation, with his Ex wives or children.

I say this not to be mean but to flag that past behaviour is often an indication of future behaviour. Don't make yourself financially vulnerable, even though you may now be in a positive relationship.

If he is older he should have life insurance to protect his children until they are young adults. Don't rely on the business as it takes a long time to wind up a business, sell assets etc. If he is heavily involved in the business it may not thrive without him at the helm.

Get yourself a pension, whatever happens you need a pension and investments in your own name.

I agree with others split should be equitable as a life insurance policy will resolve any day to day costs your son (and 8 year) will have.

Let's imagine that you and your husband split up and he moves on to the fourth mother of his children. Presumably your child getting less that baby number 4 would seem unfair?

Your son will get your share eventually so, so long as you don’t piss it up a wall, he has access to 50% of his father’s estate? That’s more than enough surely? Especially as, I assume, you get the marital home and connected life insurances? YABU

What have you brought to the marriage financially? A house? Savings? A substantial pension?

As it stands your son is getting half his assets, bc will also get your 25%. therefore is already getting double from the dad as the other children. And you want more!!!

You'd better hope he doesn't move on to family 4 I guess!

If you're so keen to make sure your son is provided for, what are YOU planning to leave to him? Why did you have a child with a man who already had kids if this was such a concern?

If your husband is leaving the house to you, but splitting the rest of his estate (pension/savings, etc) equally between the four of you - then your son is getting 25% of that AND the house when you die? Then he is receiving more than the other boys in inheritance, isn't he? Particularly as the house price may have increased by a lot when the time comes for the house to pass onto him.

Children should inherit all the same amount, regardless if they will inherit from their mum.

You knew he had children from a previous relationship, so assists should be split - your child does not qualify to inherit more. You're being very unreasonable.

They should all inherit the same percentage from their dad, yes. Which should be 50% of their entire joint estate, split 3 ways. So the three boys should have 16.6% of their dads side of the estate. OPs son should receive the other 50% off his mum, alongside the 16.6% off his dad. So 65.6% altogether.

@Forkingbroccoli You're just nasty.

@DonnyBurrito

Why should OP's son inherit more? What did she bring financially to the table? If the house was bought before she was with her husband, I personally believe she should live there until she passes, but inherit nothing - it should be split between the children.

It's women like OP, that I am making sure my % of assets are left to my children and no other women will benefit from it should my husband ever remarry. Her child does not deserve more. They should inherit an equal split from their dad and whatever she chooses to leave her child, that's up to her,

He has 3 children. He should split his will 3 ways.

If you are concerned about your future you should make sure that you can provide for yourself and your child/ren.

We are blended, everything goes to each other then divided equally between all the kids regardless. We can't predict what might happen, for all we know their other parents might leave them nothing in the end, it might all go on care homes etc, so we don't see the point in doing anything else. They all know it will be an equal split.

Wills can be changed at any time.
You could leave your assets to your dh, stipulating that he then leaves everything to your son. He can leave his inheritance to whoever he likes, regardess of what you say. He could get married again and leave everything to second wife. Or he could make a will leaving everything to your son, then get married again and his will is autimatically invalid.
Don't make a will without getting proper legal advice. If you want your child to inherit, leave it to them directly, put it into trust.
There are endless pitfalls and complications so proper advice is essential.