Tell them about our holiday

[Cantthinkofnametouse]

DH and I are thinking of booking a holiday that we know his parents also mentioned is somewhere they want to do. In short we don’t want them to come with us. This very much WE decision they can be nice people but just hard work with different morals. If we all they will want to spend all our time together.

point of post would it be unreasonable to book said holiday and just not tell them it’s too late for them to join us, I feel a little guilty knowing it’s something they want to do.

yabu they won’t be here forever let them enjoy a holiday with you

yanbu don’t tell them go enjoy your holiday

You are not unreasonable to want a holiday just the two of you.

You are unreasonable to not mention where and what the holiday is. (I am a holiday obsessive and love reading about other people's plans!!).

However- I am interested in how they would react. Would they insist on coming with you? Why have they not gone before if it's something they always wanted to do? Are you sure they would push in on your plans?

Of course you don't need to mention all your plans (including travel) to in-laws.

@ScanningQRCode likely three options : 1) will just ask to come
2) be stroppy and stop speaking to us for bit (then blame me took a while for them to accept me typical my boy can do no wrong etc type)
3) just book it anyway * *

pretty certain they will insist on coming then just book it regardless. We have booked a week away before and they asked we didn’t tell them as they would have come( that was a last minute booking so didn’t withhold telling just was very short notice)

Far too easy to hurt their feelings or else have them piggy backing your holiday. I would just choose a different place that they haven't talked about. Maybe in a year or so you'll resolve the difficulties in going on holiday together, maybe you won't, but you can avoid it this time.

Ugh. It sounds dreadful. What is it with people who push in like this? I guess simply not mentioning a holiday off and slipping off is out of the question? (I live on a different continent to my parents so appreciate it's easier for me to do that!).

Or can you make a big fuss about how one or the other of you is arranging a secret romantic getaway 'just the two of us' and basically dropping all the anvil-sized hints they are not welcome on their heads?

I'm sorry- it's a stress no-one needs when they just want a break.

I would encourage them to book and go, and then you go the year after.

Don't tell them until the last minute and get your dh to do it.
By last minute, I mean the day before you leave so it's too late to book.
"I've just managed to book a last minute trip to XXX, it was the last available booking and we're going in the morning"
If they ask what hotel "it's one of those last minute packages where you get allocated a hotel on arrival"
Would they fall for that?
I hate it when someone tries to highjack your holiday, it's so rude

Holidays are too valuable (in all senses of the word) to spend them with people you don't want to be with. Why are they so keen to push in when they don't even seem to like you that much?

Book the holiday and get your husband to be very clear that they're not invited - who cares if they 'get stroppy and stop speaking for a while?' You might actually enjoy the peace and quiet.

I say tough shit if your in-laws are simultaneously too thick-skinned to not know they're not wanted and yet thin-skinned enough to be offended by the fact. Fuck those people.

i cant believe people who want to join in their son and his wife's holiday exist.
i would tell them you are going on holiday, just the two of you.
get it out in the open

If it is somewhere you know they want to go then it is a bit weird to book and ask them not to come. I would book a different holiday.

YANBU but I am intrigued by what different morals on holiday looks like.

DH and I are thinking of booking a holiday that we know his parents also mentioned is somewhere they want to do.

Do you genuinely want to go there? If so then yes just carry on.

Yeah. Go somewhere else

Just bloody tell them they're not coming! I travel solo and whenever a friend let's me know they're going to come too it's a firm "no thanks mate, I prefer to travel solo. No offence but it's not just you literally nobody is invited".

Why can't people just be honest? So what if they don't like it, not your problem!

God YANBU at all.

Could you turn it around? "I know you guys mentioned Alaska, are you thinking of it for this year? We're trying to decide, but if you're going this year we'll leave you to it and go next year - don't worry we'd never gatecrash your trip!"

I was thinking that as well. OP, what do your in-laws get up to on holiday?

Why go somewhere they've specifically mentioned and then create this situation where you don't want them to come?

Maybe your DH just needs to say that you’d rather holiday alone, spend some quality time together etc. I’d never impose myself on someone’s holiday, I don’t know whether some people genuinely don’t see the signs that someone isn’t keen for them to join them on holiday or do see that and just ignore it. I’d feel terrible knowing I was imposing on someone’s holiday. So yeah, he needs to be honest.

I don't tell family the exact details of where we are going on holiday.

"We are going to Crete this year,"
""Which resort"
"No idea, DH booked it"

Probably one side likes drinking all day, sunbathing and the other likes site sighting. Wouldn’t necessarily call that different morals, but different preferences.

they can be nice people but just hard work with different morals.

Them wanting to come with you doesn’t sound like an attractive prospect at all.

But you can understand how upset they might be that you are going somewhere they already told you they wanted to go to. Presumably, you got this destination idea from them in the first place.
How do our know they haven’t already booked to go there?

You have to be honest with them I think. Tell them you are looking forward to a romantic break together just the two of you and, knowing they also want to go there some day, you can’t wait to tell them all about it when you get home and make recommendations for when they do the same romantic trip together.
Just tell them you need time alone together and it’s important for your marriage to organise alone time.

Book a surprise weekend away with them somewhere else to soften the blow if you think it will be that upsetting for them.

Different morals?

I have exactly the same problem at the moment. Am planning to tell my parents at very short notice so they don’t have time to book as well!

I'm bemused at the suggestion that the OP is doing something wrong by booking a holiday to a place her in laws have said they wanted to go to.

It's not like there's only a finite number of holidays to each place and the op going will stop them also going.

Her in laws are perfectly welcome to arrange their own holiday to the same location. Just not expect to invite themselves on someone else's holiday.

Book the holiday and don't tell them until you're at your destination. I think it's weird that they'd want to join you.