Tell them about our holiday

[Cantthinkofnametouse]

DH and I are thinking of booking a holiday that we know his parents also mentioned is somewhere they want to do. In short we don’t want them to come with us. This very much WE decision they can be nice people but just hard work with different morals. If we all they will want to spend all our time together.

point of post would it be unreasonable to book said holiday and just not tell them it’s too late for them to join us, I feel a little guilty knowing it’s something they want to do.

yabu they won’t be here forever let them enjoy a holiday with you

yanbu don’t tell them go enjoy your holiday

Could you book for two weeks and ask them to join you for second week?

Hello OP's MIL!

I'd go somewhere else this year but show them a lovely holiday to the place you were planning to go to and encourage them to book and treat themselves as you know how much they want to go.

Once they've been, you can go next year.

If they want to go there, is there any reason why they haven't just booked and gone? E.g. do they need you around to assist navigating the airport or driving abroad? If not, and they are perfectly capable of going any time they like, I wouldn't tell them beforehand. Go, have a lovely time, and come back with some recommendations to pass on for their trip

Can you book exactly where you want to go and then casually mention you’ve booked a BnB (sound very vague) for Crete (or wherever) this summer (again sound vague)?

Don’t give any dates or hotel etc and say you are looking forward to some time with your DH it’s been such a busy few months.

You could be very vague and say you’re thinking of travelling around a bit in Crete or whether. Don’t mention anything until a couple of months or even less before you go.

Tell them you've booked somewhere else than where you've booked and for a different time.

Don't give them any details of where you booked.

Then go on your holiday and if they book for the other location at the other time, simply say that you were browsing the internet/walking past the travel agents and you spotted a better deal so you changed your booking and it was better value.

Stop sharing information with them if you don't want them tagging along to things you want to share just you and your DH and your kids (if you have any).

Adult Parents have ZERO rights to tag along on holidays with their ADULT kids.

Think it's probably how people dress/politics over the dinner table? Best guess.

Once they've been, you can go next year.

They may love it and want to go back next year!

I was wondering this as well different ways to spend your time but different morals 🤷‍♀️ !

Honestly, just tell them.

'We really need to recharge this year so we've decided to go to X, just the two of us. Not sure which hotel etc. exactly, or when exactly we're going. We know you fancy it too so maybe you could go yourselves this year, although we could all go together another time.'

Just own it! Tell them what you're doing but be vague on the details. Be clear it's just the two of you.

That's all you need to do!

I am so confused. Why can’t you just wait until they book, and book a different week?

Where are you going? Dying to know !

Just keep it vague ‘thinking of booking in the summer’ ‘not sure where yet’ and just ask them when/where they are going.

You aren’t obliged to give them the minutiae of your life and holiday plans - and you run the risk of them surprising you (see another thread running at the moment) if you do tell them anything.

Why don’t you just go somewhere else? The world's a big place. If you postpone that destination for a few years the PIL might go there on their own in the meantime, or you can "forget" that they ever mentioned wanting to go there.

Perhaps it’s about how many times it’s reasonable to visit the self-service buffet?

In fairness to OP, she just said that they have different morals to her, not that said morals are directly related to the holiday. Probably some good old fashioned racism/sexism/homophobia.

YABU to not tell us what these different morals are!

I feel a little guilty knowing it’s something they want to do.

OP why would you feel guilty, have they ever actually booked it and gone, if they really want to go there they would have it at least done some concrete planning to go?

Someone can’t bagsy a whole holiday experience or destination.

But you can understand how upset they might be that you are going somewhere they already told you they wanted to go to. Presumably, you got this destination idea from them in the first place

Why would the OP have got the idea from them? I've always wanted to go to New Zealand as I lived there as a small child. I think there are enough other sources of info about NZ that if people go there it has nothing to do with me mentioning it! And the same goes for anywhere other than maybe some quite niche destination like say the island of Chausey near the French coast that a lot of people might not have heard of.

And why is the OP not allowed to go there? If she's worried they will join her and her DH, then they can obviously afford it, so they can go by themselves or do an organised trip if they don't want to go as a couple.

I'd not bother saying I was going there until after I got back.

How does that work?

How do you think OP can stop two grown adults from booking a holiday? It’s so ridiculous that no one would even think of it as a possibility.

Because it will have to come to a place where he has to assert these boundaries.

I don’t understand sorry, what does that mean?

I agree with this post. If they wanted to go there so much then how come they haven't been? I would just book and not tell them!

I would lie and say I booked a last minute deal. Depending on how often you speak to them my preference would be to tell them while I was on holiday or when I got back. Obviously if you speak to them all the time you'll need to let them know before you go.

I spent my 20 & 30s prioritising family holidays because my parents and in-laws both lived in different countries. In my 40s I got ME and now can't travel and I really regret giving up most of my holiday to do things I probably wouldn't have chosen for myself. It's lovely to see family, but to holiday with family is not great, unless you are particularly close. For me it sucks a lot of the joy from the experience.

That’s a shame. IMO a default reaction would be ‘oh lucky you!! You can tell us all the best spots to go to, if we ever make it there’